Monday, December 29, 2008

Get It While It's Hot- Free Personalized Erotica!




Santa Clause-style Gwen is a little late in doling out the presents, but here comes a belated Christmas gift.

After the jump, I'll tell you a little bit more about how you can get some custom erotica made for you, plus an eye-opening list of some pretty custom erotica already out there.




For the poverty-stricken like myself, the closest we can usually get to personalized erotica is if we write it ourselves or go and beg on Literotica. I've always hungered over the professional sites- the quality of writing will undoubtedly be much higher and the action just overall hotter, but the prices always frighten me away.

And then, whaddya know, but the fantastically talented people down at Inky Blue Allusions have decided to graciously write some custom stories, for free. It won't be quite the same as when you pay, of course- the stories get published on the site instead of sent to your e-mail, and the authors aren't obligated to follow your instructions down to a T. But it's still a pretty damn good offer. It's not every day that you can write down your fantasy and get a hot story made just for you. All you need to do is fill out character names, genders, and general storyline on the form here and sit back and wait!

Of course, if you do have that Christmas bonus burning a hole in your pocket, you're more than welcome to support some of the various custom erotica writers: Custom Erotica Source, Velvet Diary, Literate Smut, Frisky Fiction, Custom Erotica Fantasies, Under The Crimson Moon, Alena (whose stories are all about you and her), Lady Mika's Menagerie, and Kustom Erotica. Heck, you can even get custom audio erotica from Sensual Words.

I will remind you, though, that if you've got a particular kink, fetish, or theme in your head, it may well already be out there. By no means completely representative of all the professionally published erotica out there, here's a little list I compiled a while ago, just to show how specific some of these anthologies can get:

Sex Acts/Body Part Fetishes Erotica

Anal: "Luscious: Stories of Anal Eroticism" by Alison Tyler
Feet: "Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Frottage: "Cocktocock Stories, Vol. 1" by Martin Finn
Men's Butts: "Buttmen: Erotic Stories and True Confessions by Gay Men Who Love Booty: 32 Stories, 1 Obsession" by Alan Bell
Men's Feet: "Love Under Foot: An Erotic Celebration of Feet"
Spanking: "Naughty Spanking Stories From A-Z" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Threesomes: "Three-Way: Erotic Stories" by Alison Tyler

Lesbian Erotica

African-American: "Speaking in Whispers: Lesbian African-American Erotica"
Bikers: "Hard Road, Easy Riding: Lesbian Biker Erotica" by Sacchi Green
Bondage: "Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica" by Tristan Taormino
Butch-Butch: "Set In Stone: Butch-Butch Erotica" by Angela Brown
Butch-Femme: "Back To Basics: A Butch/Femme Anthology" by Therese Syzmanski
Christmas: "Dyke The Halls: Lesbian Erotic Christmas Tales" by Linda Alverez
Cowgirls: "Rode Hard, Put Away Wet: Lesbian Cowboy Erotica"
Femme-Femme: "Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Jewish: "Friday the Rabbi Wore Lace: Jewish Lesbian Erotica" by Karen X. Tulchinsky
Magic: "Bell, Book, and Dyke: New Exploits of Magical Lesbians"
S/M: "No Mercy" by Pat Califia
Sports: "Body Check: Erotic Lesbian Sports Stories" by Nicole Foster
Supernatural: "Call of the Dark: Lesbian Tales of the Supernatural" by Therese Syzmanski
Tough Women "Tough Girls: Down and Dirty Dyke Erotica" by Lori Selke
Travel: "Tales of Travelrotica for Lesbians: Erotic Travel Adventures" by Simone Thorne
Vampires: "Dark Angels: Lesbian Vampire Erotica" by Pam Keesey

Gay Male Erotica

Asian: "Best Gay Asian Erotica" by Joel Barraquiel Tan
Barely Legal: "Barely Legal: A New Collection of Erotic Tales" by John Butler
Baseball: "Fast Balls: Erotic Tales of America's Favorite Pastime" by Jesse Grant
Bears: "Tales From The Bear Cult: Bearotica for Your Inner Goldilocks" by Mark Hemry
Bondage/S/M: "Roughed Up: More Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power" by Simon Sheppard
College Boys: "Dorm Porn: Steamy Tales of Boys On Campus"
Cops: "Hot Cops: Gay Erotic Stories" by Shane Allison
Cowboys: "Cowboys: Gay Erotic Tales" by Tom Graham
Daddy/Boy: "Daddy's Boys: Erotic Short Stories" by Kenneth Harrison
Exhibitionism/Voyeurism: "A View To Thrill: The World of the Voyeur and the Men Who Like To Be Watched" by Paul J. Willis
Musclemen: "Musclesex: A Collection of Erotic Short Stories" by Greg Nero
Pirates: "Treasure Trail: Erotic Tales of Pirates on the High Seas" by Jack Hart
Porn Stars: "Skinflicks: Erotic Tales From Behind the Scenes: An Anthology"
Prostitutes: "Hustlers: Erotic Stories of Sex for Hire"
Soldiers: "A Night In the Barracks: Authentic Accounts of Sex in the Armed Forces" by Alex Buchman
Sporty Men: "Full Body Contact: Sexy, Sweaty Men of Sport" by Greg Herren
Travel: "Between the Palms: A Collection of Gay Travel Erotica"
Truckers: "Truckers: True Gay Erotica" by Johnny Hansen
Twinks: "Twink" by Jack Fritscher
Vampires: "Blood Lust: Gay Erotic Vampire Tales"
Water: "Liquid Delights: Erotic Tales of Wetness" by Jardonn Smith

Bisexual: "The Best of Both Worlds: Bisexual Erotica" by Sage Vivant
Genderqueer: "Genderflex: Sexy Stories on the Edge and In-Between" by Cecilia Tan
Transgender: "Transgender Erotica: Trans Figures" by M. Christian

Themes/Fetishes/Types

Adultery: "Homewrecker: An Adultery Anthology" by Daphne Gottlieb
Aliens: "Off Limits: Tales of Alien Sex" by Ellen Datlow
Anonymous Sex: "Sex With Strangers: Wicked Words"
Big Beautiful Women/Big Handsome Men: "Zaftig: Well Rounded Erotica" by Hanne Blank
Birthdays: "The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica" by Alison Tyler
Bondage: "Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage" by Rachel Kramer Bussell
Career Women: "Bosslady" by Justus Roux
Christmas: "The Merry XXXmas Book of Erotica" by Alison Tyler
Crime: "Noirotica: An Anthology of Erotic Crime Stories" by Thomas S. Roche
Cross-Dressing: "Crossdressing: Erotic Stories" by Veronica Vera
Death: "Dying for It: Tales of Sex and Death"
Exotic Locales: "Erogenous Zones: An Anthology of Sex Abroad"
Exhibition and Voyeurism: "Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionsists"
Fairies: "Fairy Lust: Volume 1: Elvin Erotica" by Melanie Klegerman Fersko
Famous People: "Wicked: Sexy Tales of Legendary Lovers" by Mitzi Szereto
Female Dom/Male Sub: "She's On Top: Erotic Stories of Female Domainance and Male Submission" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Food/Cooking: "Sex in the Kitchen" by Lindsay Gordon
Fuck-Buddies: "Sex Buddies: Erotic Stories About Sex Without Strings"
Ghosts: "The Big Book of Erotic Ghost Stories" by Greg Wharton
Guilt: "Confessions: Admissions of Sexual Guilt"
Halloween: "Scary Shorts for Halloween" by Janet Sanger
Holidays: "Sex On Holiday" by Kerri Sharp
Humor: "As Cupid Cavorts: Three Short Stories of Erotic Humor" by Tom Mitchell
Internet: "Torn Shapes of Desire: Internet Erotica" by Mary Ann Mohanraj
Lingerie" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Maids: "Maids: An Erotic Anthology"
Male Dom/Female Sub: "He's On Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission"
Mature/Elderly: "Ripe Fruit: Erotica for Well-Seasoned Lovers" by Marcy Sheiner
Myths: "Mythic Erotica: The Papyri Goddesses"
Necrophilia: "Necrophilia Variations" by Supervert
Older Women: "The MILF Anthology: Twenty-One Steamy Stories"
Offices: "Sex In The Office" by Kerri Sharp
Restraint: "Slave To Love: Sexy Tales of Erotic Restraint" by Alison Tyler
Rock 'N' Roll: "Backstage Passes: An Anthology of Rock & Roll Erotica from the Pages of Blue Blood Magazine" by Amelia G
S/M: "Things To Come: A Collection of S&M Erotica" by DJ King
Scat: "Divine Filth" by George Bataille
Shopping: "Sex and Shopping" by Lindsay Gordon
Sports: "Sex At The Sports Club" by Kerri Sharp
Strange/Different: "But I Know What You Want: 25 Sex Tales for the Different" by James Williams
Strong Women: "Amazons: Sexy Tales of Strong Women"
Technology "Technosex: Cyber Age Erotica" by Cecilia Tan
Travel: "Foreign Affairs: Erotic Travel Tales" by Mitzi Szereto
Underwear/Lingerie: "Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Underwear and
Uniforms: "Sex In Uniform" by Kerri Sharp
Viagra & Women: "Viagra, Sex, and Romance: The Women Who Take It Reveal Their Erotic Tales" by Elizabeth Myles
Victorian: "Erotic Tales of the Victorian Age" by Bram Stoker
Werewolves: "The Beast Within: Erotic Tales of Werewolves" by Cecilia Tan
Water: "Aqua Erotica: 18 Stories By a Steamy Bath"

Ethnic

African-American: "Black Silk: A Collection of African-American Erotica"
Chinese: "In The Inner Quarters: Erotic Stories from Ling Mengchu's Two Slaps" by Lenny Hu
French: "Ooh La La!: Contemporary French Erotica by Women"
International: "The Erotic Planet: Sexy Stories From Around The Globe" by Jeff Laurent
Italian: "In The Forbidden City: An Anthology of Erotic Fiction by Italian Women"
Jamaican: "Erotic Jamaican Tales" by Sean Harris
Jewish: "The Oy of Sex: Jewish Women Write Erotica" by Marcy Sheiner
Latina: "Pleasure In the World: Erotic Writings by Latin American Women"
Latino: "Under The Pomegranate Tree: The Best New Latino Erotica" by Ray Gonzalez
Mediterranean: "Erotic Stories from the Portugese" by Manuel Teixeira-Gomes
Native American: "Without Reservation: Indigenous Erotica" by Kateri Akiwenzie-Damm
Russian: "Stories from the Folklore of Russia: Erotic Tales of the Cossacks"
South-East Asia: "Best of Singapore Erotica" by L.Q. Pan


Click here to read the rest!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

HOT LESBIAN ORAL ACTION

Because 1) I'm feeling silly, 2) they're cute as hell, and 3) I've just realized I wouldn't have a mouth full of silver fillings if I had a girlfriend who would brush her teeth with me, kisses included.


Click here to read the rest!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dick Singalong

And now here's the boys' turn, with some phallic musicality.

1) The wonderful "Penis Song" from "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life".



2) Hilarious country singer-comedian Rodney Carrington just won me over with his "Dear Penis":



3) From the same Da Vinci's Notebook who sang the lovely song about Internet porn, here's an equally hilarious and joyful tribute to well-endowed men in "Enormous Penis" . . . although let's remember that you can still be happy if you're average!



4) Case in point: lukaduka sings about wishing they had a smaller penis in "The Penis Song".



5) Mickey Avalon and DJ Kris P.'s "My Dick"- a repetitive, silly song that nonetheless is completely addictive.



6) "The Sweetest Thing" bored me in every part except the silly looks-like-she's-going-down-in-the-car scene, but "The Penis Song" is pretty remarkable in its own way.



7) Here comes the rude dude, Jonathan Fin's "Ten Inch Cock":



8) Because I still love "Fight Club" so much (whose writer has a new set-in-the-porn-world book out), and I want to jump Edward Norton's bones almost as much as Helena Bonham Carter's, here's his and Brad Pitt's tribute to that ol' goddess of love, the penis.



9) "The Penis Song" by Stoned Laughter. Although it's more of a video saga than a song, it's still pretty awesome. Especially the video.



10) Who says dick songs only have to be sung by those with dicks? Here's a very funny 'if I had a penis' song "Penis Envy" by Uncle Bonsai.



Click here to read the rest!

Screw The AVN . . .

I'm far more interested in the upcoming Tranny Awards.


I mean, sure, the AVN is incredible, what with its 100 categories . . . but they only offer one trans award- Transsexual Performer Of The Year. Ahem, excuse me, but are you serious?

I've been spending a lot of time lately on the Hung Angels Board, and there is some serious lacking in trans porn, from repetitive male performers (no more Christian XXX!), a lack of specialization or fetishes, and stereotypical pitfalls (if you're a transwoman interested in BDSM, you better be a top, because T-girls being bound and lovingly tortured is almost impossible to find). And that's not even beginning to address the other, unspoken problems in porn- the way that, for instance, many genetic female porn stars refuse to work with TS performers or men who have been with TS performers, for unsubstantiated fears of disease. In short, the "shemale" or "tranny" porn genre is riddled with stereotypes and is really one-dimensional, missing out on the creativity and diversity that marks more mainstream porn.


Just like the paltry gay awards given at the AVN weren't enough, and it spawned its own GAYVN Awards, I'm excited about the Tranny Awards. I'm a firm believer in incentives, and what could inspire better trans porn than cash prizes totaling over $10,000, plus the fame and recognition that comes with being an award winner? The Feminist Porn Awards has brought a lot of cool flicks, performers, and filmmakers to my attention. I'm looking forward to the same happening with the Tranny Awards.

Of course, this is the first year and, as it stands now, the Tranny Awards isn't a real, tangible event that you can dress up (or undress down, rather) for . . . yet. It is online only now, but "depending on the demand and popularity of the award, we may consider future awards to be held at a live venue." I can only hope! (And we can only hope that it shows itself to be honest and forthright, not a scam like what Erika Lust experienced).

But seriously. Despite being hosted by the ever-cool Belladonna (who, and I just have to sneak this in here, OMG might be working with Jiz Lee!), the idea of the AVN just kind of bores me. But the Tranny Awards have got me excited. Check back with the website on January 9th to find out the winners, and see if nominee and Crush Object Mandy Mitchell made the cut!

Click here to read the rest!

Goodbye, Xtube, Hello Dyketube!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.
Click here to read the rest!

Friday, December 26, 2008

When Girs Will Be Boys



As Afterellen.com reported last month, Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed, of Twilight fame, are going to be starring together yet again in 2009, this time not as snooty vampire and human vampire wannabe/love interest, but rather as- and please, prepare yourselves-dudes.

It's kind of news, I guess, since Shakespeare's name isn't anywhere near it. The girls aren't just dressing up as boys, Amanda Bynes in She's The Man-style, but they'll be playing male characters. And, given the incredibly hype about Twilight and these two new(ish) actresses, a lot of people are scratching their heads in confusion. K-11's mysterious plot (is it comedy? drama? dramedy?) doesn't offer any more clues: the girls will be gay inmates, separated from the general prison population, in a Los Angeles jail. Stewart's set to play young, and presumably more innocent, in comparison with Reed's character, a 30-year old tatted-up meth addict. No mention if they'll be playing lovers.

I think it's pretty cool. A couple of years ago I wrote this Myspace blog about how cool cross-gender casting is. Not only does it directly engage my love of drag, cross-dressing, and genderqueerness, but it also strikes me as much more egalitarian and equal opportunity than our current policy that reinforces the belief that gender is so biologically essential that it can't be performed believably by someone of the opposite sex. I do wonder, of course, if that was the reason for the casting was truly "They would make the best gay prison inmates, I know it!", or if it's meant to be gimmicky, a way to catch viewers by throwing out two big names and the expected freakishness of girls playing boys. I guess time will tell, although I am rather excited about the movie itself.

But this blog is a little look into the past. Stewart and Reed are not the first to be cast as men, not by a long shot. So let's take a look at those who came before:

Film: Ein Mann wie EVA

Actress: Eva Mattes

Character: EVA (Rainer Werner Fassbinder)


The 1984 film Ein Mann wie EVA chronicles but one crazy filming in the career of the legendary German director/screenwriter Rainer Werner Fassbinder, the man whose avant-garde work epitomized New German Cinema and whose turbulent life spawned seven documentaries (not counting this biopic).



Of course, this is all rather unimportant- what we want to focus on is who ended up playing Fassbinder (a.k.a. EVA). The role went to Eva Mattes, who played in many of Rainer's films. Perhaps this is the rationale for the choice in casting- letting someone close to him portray him on-screen. Perhaps it was simply the most avant-garde choice for an avant-garde director.

Whatever the reason, she donned Rainer's trademark black leather jacket, battered hat, dark glasses, scruffy face, and "perennial scowl", and played the hell out of him. Of course, the cross-gender casting is not only old and foreign, but also with some pretty obscure subject matter, it didn't get much press or acclaim in the U.S.. Indie films have the luxury of making such fun and interesting choices, but that unfortunately doesn't exactly leave anybody with new impressions about the feasibility of cross-gender casting.


Film: Hook

Actress: Glenn Close

Character: Gutless The Pirate


I can think of no logical explanation for the appearance of Glenn Close in serious disguise (i.e. not just a man, but an older, heavily bearded pirate man) for less than five minutes' time in the movie. For those who never got to experience the whimsical Robin William's flick ("Ru-fi-o!"), Gutless the pirate appears as a random pirate and then begs and pleads a little bit (apparently as testament to that gutlessness) for not being tossed into a chest full of crabs (I think? or else something that will be quite bite-y). Never appears again. How's that for random?



Maybe Glenn was trying to audition and show off her versatile skills to Disney in an audition for 101 Dalmations. I just don't know. Or maybe it's the name of the character-acting game, wherein actors take the small parts as license to really stretch themselves in fun ways- something that might not be possible as leading or main roles that will be scrutinized and will affect their marketability and the roles and salaries they're offered in the future. Or maybe it's a way to attach yourself to a film that you are really interested in. I mean, let's face it- there aren't many female roles on a pirate ship (at least, not if we're being historically accurate . . . in which case the ladies would at least have been dressedin male disguise, Anne Bonny and Mary Read-style). So who knows why Glenn decided to put on a beard and play a guy . . . it's an interesting fact, at the very least.



Film: Angels In America

Actress: Meryl Streep

Character: Old Rabbi


If Glenn Close as Gutless was an example of equal opportunity casting- anybody can play a role-then Meryl Streep's cameo in Angels In America is what I'm going to deem "actor recycling". Streep's main role was as Ethel Rosenberg, but alongside that, she also got to play the small role of a very, very wizened rabbi right in the beginning.




So what could possibly be the rationale here? Meryl's got plenty of screen time for all those Golden Globe awards. I presume that old, wrinkled, liver-spotted actors are not that hard to come by. We might say it was an attempt at stretching one's resources- using the same actors and actresses for multiple roles as a way to save money and time- but I have a feeling that all the makeup artistry at work here would take much more time and more helpers and equipment to get her looking like that than simply hiring an old guy. So we'll chalk it up to, perhaps, the designated actor not showing up and Meryl being the only one around. Or maybe a joke. Or her desire to, as I mentioned above, try something she probably wouldn't get to do otherwise. All I can say is, it's quite a transformation.





Film: The Year Of Living Dangerously

Actress: Linda Hunt

Character: Billy Kwan


One of the cooler examples of women portraying male characters on-screen comes from Peter Weir's 1982 film The Year Of Living Dangerously, adapted from the fiction novel of the same name. Linda plays one of the major characters. And, most awesome is the lack of crazy makeup effects to turn Linda male; she's not hidden away under a mountain of fake facial hair that seems to question why they would have cast a woman in the first place.





I'm not saying that all women cast as men must be masculine . . . certainly not. I've seen some spectacular drag kings who are quite femme in real life- and they don't need slabs of makeup and prosthetics to achieve it. But Linda looks the part, easily, and moreover, her casting seems genuine: according to Weir, he had great difficulty finding someone appropriate for the role of Billy Kwan and, unable to recreate the character in his film, he wanted to find a way of equaling the originality of the character, accomplished by casting Linda Hunt in the role. And, even cooler is that she got some recognition, winning an Oscar for the role. I've still yet to find another similar situation- where a woman was cast as a main character in a fictional story.



Film: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Actress: Miriam Shor

Character: Yitzhak


One of my favorite movies of all time, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, has quite a lot of gender-bending going on with its main character (the incredible John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig, of course), but second favorite is Miriam Shor as Hedwig's self-proclaimed "man Friday", Yitzhak. I watched the movie half a dozen times without realizing that the character was played by a woman, and even now, it amazes me- her acting is spot-on.




The rationale for casting Shor is probably two-fold. On one hand, it certainly is in line with the film's theme of gender queering and ambiguity. (Although I do not, as I have heard discussed, proscribe to the theory that Yitzhak is in fact female and in drag, either voluntarily for Hedwig's sake or forced by her). But the main reason is practical: it's mostly women who can hit those beautiful high notes in Stephen Trask's music. Miriam also starred in the stage production for that exact reason, and the transfer over to film caused no problems. Even now, this portrayal is visually one of my favorites- where good acting and some facial hair create a great effect (and also a testament to how women do not need bald caps or male wigs to transform themselves, and can keep their long hair and still look male).




Film: I'm Not There

Actress: Cate Blanchett

Character: Jude a.k.a. Bob Dylan


And finally we come to the most recent of cross-gender casting, with Cate Blanchett playing Jude, the 60's incarnation of Bob Dylan in Todd Haynes' 2007 film I'm Not There. She won several awards for the portrayal, and it was indeed pretty hyped up (to the point where some people think it overshadowed the wonderful performances of guys cast to cover the other various incarnations of Dylan). But it is still quite remarkable that a woman was chosen amongst many men to hold her own- not the main actor, but one of many.




One of the main reasons for casting Blanchett, of course, is probably just plain looks. Any casting director with a good eye can see that her face lends itself well to masculinity and especially androgyny with the right help, and moreover, she looks a helluva lot like Bob Dylan. But of course it also added a lot of interest to the film- still hot off The Lord Of The Rings and with other good movies only adding to her repertoire- her mention, along with the eye-catching line about her doing a male role- certainly would attract more viewers, particularly of a youthful audience not that into or knowledgeable about Bob Dylan. Add in her strength as an actress, and her willingness (she "viewed it as a challenge"), and there you go. A great example for current times, a call for a more gender-neutral approach to casting.


Is it in Haynes' footsteps, then, that K-11 director Jules Mann-Stewart is doing cross-gender casting? Or was it perhaps the only way she could offer her daughter and daughter's close friend a role in a film about gay men? Or is it all about stirring up some hype? Only time will tell, I suppose. But for anybody who is shocked, I just want to point it out- Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed and certainly not the first to play men, and hopefully, they won't be the last!
Click here to read the rest!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

One Cum Smoothie, Cumming Up

No, no, no, silly dears, get *that* image out of your head and keep reading after the jump.

I, for one, really can't stand the idea of cum consumption that seems to be the fantasy of so many men. It's one thing to take a little bit of your lover's juices down the gullet; it's quite another to drink it from a martini glass, pass it back and forth with my best gal pal, or, for heaven's sake, cook with it. No thanks. I will make an exception for girl cum- I'd gladly gulp at her loins Crash Pad-style- but even then, it's not like I'd store the stuff in my fridge for a refreshing summer drink.

When push comes to shove, I'd rather be looked down on as a spitter- or worse, the "Not in my mouth!" kinda girl- than have to make the same awkward face as when I am forced to eat cauliflower at a dinner party: "Oh, mmm, it's very good." and trying not to gag.

But then I stumbled over Jamie's Jizz Juice Recipe over at Forced Bi Academy (a very nifty and fun website, I might add), and got all kinds of curious. It's not that I haven't heard it before- you can barely Google the words "cum taste" without a mention of pineapple juice. But since I've recently been dabbling in taking tastes after playing with myself, I'm significantly more interested, especially since Jamie's Jizz Juice Recipe is said to be just as successful for the ladies. (It's rather odd how there's widespread joking about fishy taste, and yet the number of online sources devoted to the question and solution are dwarfed by questions about man juice). Plus I always read lists of flavor-enhancing foods, but finally here's a recipe that puts them all together for you. And I loves me some smoothies that don't come with a Jamba Juice price tag. Here's Jamie's concoction, reprinted:

1 cup fresh pineapple
1 cup fresh mango
1 banana
1 cup apple juice
1/4 cup pure cranberry juice
1 500 mg capsule of Fenugreek (open the pill and pour it inside)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp fresh ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 tbsp of organic maple syrup or honey or stevia

One of my New Year's Resolutions is, like always, to start eating healthier. It always falls through, but maybe what I've been missing is a make-your-excretions-taste-better! impetus. So I'm going to go ahead with a little experiment- one month to see if a good diet and Jamie's magic fruity cocktail, taken twice daily, can result in some sweetness between my thighs. I actually am really excited about it . . . will I notice any difference?

Of course, it's not just about eating the good stuff, but about cutting out the bad. Following this comprehensive list, I'll try to avoid the worst offenders. I'm a little sad that I'll have to say goodbye to alcohol, garlic, and onions. I mean, I can let go of red meat, cheese, and yummy veggies like asparagus and broccoli . . . but garlic and onions? They're my mainstay! There's literally no savory dish that I cook that doesn't at least have some garlic and onions! Woe is me. But cutting out on the alcohol will probably do me good; it's all empty calories anyways.

So if any of my readers want to give it a shot and report back, that'd be pretty cool. C'mon, what have you got to lose? And even if you don't, look for updates from me. I'll show you some pictures of the "cum smoothie" and report on first, second, and third tastes!
Click here to read the rest!