Tuesday, April 14, 2009

SydJizzer Could Take Over The World

This could either be a clever example of photomanipulation, or, as I suspect, a rare photo capturing the true form of what I am now dubbing "SydJizzer", a monstrous yet strangely sexy queer amalgamation of disparate and autonomous entities known as Jiz Lee and Syd Blakovich, who can come together Transformers-style to become this crazy fightin' and sexin' machine, possibly sent from the future.

Clearly, SydJizzer could take over the world if it so chooses. 'Tis only by its good graces- and perhaps the urge to stay home and masturbate its lovely genital lump- that it doesn't do so.

Credits to Twincest.net. Also, kindly tagged as "WTF" for Jiz, a tag previously reserved solely for this very worthy pic.
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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Oh noes! Teh Dyke Iz Infecting Mah Gay Pr0n!

It's official: I have been watching way too much dyke porn. And I'll tell you how I know- it's when I start wishing that all my other porn was just like it. I'm not talking about the way it's filmed or the refreshing diversity of body types and gender identities or anything like that. I'm talking simply about the sex and, more importantly, the hands.

Case in point: I'm easing back with a nice gay porn that's just starting to get hot and heavy, when all of the sudden I find myself thinking "Aw, dammit. They're about to start fucking each other with their dicks." And that thought threw me for a loop. I mean, what the hell else did I think was going to happen?

But I know what I wanted- I wanted them to fuck with their hands and with toys. I wanted to watch fingers working skillfully in and out of wet, willing holes. I wanted to watch guys get it on like lesbians.

I'll admit that watching lesbian porn (you know, the good kind) has helped me to fetishize fingering in a way that nothing else ever could have, back when the word used to hold no meaning for me. In fact, I think it's fair to say that I *hate* the word "fingering". "Fingerfucking" is marginally better, but it still has that annoying connotation, the one that whispers "foreplay". It makes me cringe, because I know what those straight people unfamiliar with lesbian sex immediately imagine when they hear the word "fingering"- they imagine something unfulfilling, an extended tease of light, soft probing. I was thrilled when I started watching real lesbian porn, started to see what I'd always known in my heart- that women can fuck one another without the use of toys. I've discovered the disconnect in these terms, these words we have that fail to capture the sheer dripping sex appeal of somebody using their hands to bring you to orgasm. Is it any wonder I catch myself staring at men's hands far more than I find myself staring at their crotches? Is it any wonder that I'd like to see that dynamic between men, or, for that matter, between men and women?

Unfortunately, if I want to find any of that captured in my gay porn, I need to cross the tracks, traveling from Vanilla Land to Fetish Town and its sister cities of fisting and prostate exam medical play. And while both of those have their upsides, it just isn't the same. Anal fisting is absolutely mesmerizing and hypnotic to watch, but it's another type of play to me. Once that thumb slips in past the knuckle, you've transcended plain' ol fingerfucking into another realm. You're handballin' now. The medical play is just as "off"- the prostate exam is merely the scenario to get the sex started, a catalyst and not the main focus. Both are hot in their own special ways, but neither are what I really want.

When I do find a little bit of finger play in my gay porn, it always takes the same place it does in straight porn- as foreplay, a means of opening him or her up in order to be able to take the mighty penis. It's one measly finger working its way up to only the second knuckle (something which, by the way, always makes me roll my eyes, because if you were truly prepping him for your massive porno cock, you really ought get down to the knuckles with at least three fingers- at least that is a bit closer in size to your actual endowment).

It's not that I dislike watching guys fuck- I love it quite a bit. Just as much as I love watching a woman strap it on and give it to a man or woman, or watching a man fuck a woman. But I've just grown accustomed to watching hands go to work, and they've become as much sex objects as the genitalia to me. I find it sad to see them so left out.

So in the meantime, I'll keep watching and looking for those rare moments when those idle hands get the chance to go to work. I'll keep browsing the videos that purport to have some "butt play". And I'll keep fantasizing about my dream porn- gay with a dyke aesthetic- full of blowjobs and rimming and jerking off and fingerfucking. Sigh . . .
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