Monday, September 29, 2008

Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge

Story or sex? The debate on how much- if any- plot a porn should have has gone on for forever, and, as far as I can tell, will continue to do so. Both sides will argue visciously for their camp, and usually have some snide remark to say about the other. "You need story and costumes and a setting and music and dumb acting to get off? What a wimp!" the pro-gonzo folks sneer. "Crude, unsophisticated sex pigs!" the pro-story folks call back. *Sigh* Isn't porn supposed to unite us all in the wonderful act of getting horny over watching sex on a screen?

And so, as the epitome of porno with a plot (and great costumes, lavish sets, music, a significant percentage of hey-that's-pretty-decent acting, and whomping CGI effects) "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" is gearing up for it's run, you can bet that everybody is either eagerly awaiting it or rolling their eyes in disgust.

But I just saw the trailer (above), and quite frankly, I can't believe anybody wouldn't want to see it, even if you usually love the most amateur, un-produced quality sex in the world. I mean, seriously. Despite sating your curiosity about the most expensive porn ever produced, it just looks like a rollickin' good time- much like the original mainstream flick it was based on. I was even thrilled to catch a few moments of humor in the trailer, which definitely perked my interest. Action, comedy, and sex in a film that looks good? Yes, please.

Oh, and it has Belladonna. And Sasha Grey. And Stoya. And Tommy Gun once again reprising his awesome role as Stagnetti. (Hmm . . . is it obvious I have more of a thing for the brunettes?). But mostly, it's all about Belladonna. Seriously, if there was ever a role that was meant for her, it'd be "pirate". She just looks so damn good!

On the other hand, Evan Stone kind of seems like a jerk, and in my opinion, doesn't really have the good looks or charm to pull off "he's an asshole but I still want him". So, ugh on that.

At the very least, it has to be better than the lesbian genderqueer sorta-erotic "Girl King" . . . not that I'm blaming you, Girl King. Not everybody has a gajillion dollars to spend like Digital Playground.

So, yeah. I want to see it. I never saw the first one . . . I suppose I should see it first to get that beloved or hated storyline, right? Maybe when I get some money, I'll go ahead and join the bandwagon of "Pirates II" fans. So sue me if it lowers my indie porn cred.
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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Why Isn't There More Celebrity Lookalike Porn?

Yes, we are a society consumed by celebrity. Everybody knows their names. Even if you don't want to, and don't know how it happened, you know who cheated on her and who had the secret backyard wedding. And more than anything else, we love drooling over them.

Seems like you can't click one link on the Internet without coming across a celebrity sex tape, which certainly sound titillating, but which have quite a few limitations: shoddy camerawork, a lack [probably] of sex acts you want to see, shoddy camerawork, the stars not exactly looking the way they do in those sexy magazine spreads you jerk off to, oh, and shoddy camerawork.

Unlike Japanese media, where a celebrity may appear in adult videos after having established a career in mainstream TV (see: Kaho Kasumi, for example), it just usually isn't happening in America. Sure, we are moving more towards the mainstream celebrity for porn stars, but the reverse- a well-known Hollywood starlet performing in professional porn- is almost unheard of.

Which makes me wonder- why isn't there more celebrity lookalike porn?

Undoubtedly, there are tons of people out there who either naturally resemble our beloved famous folks, or who, with the right makeup, hair, and outfits, can be fairly passable. Professional impersonators can do amazing work, of course, but I'm simply talking about folks who don't actually use their doppleganger-status as part of their day-to-day careers. How about the secretary who always gets compliments for looking like Britney Spears in the right light, who'd like a little extra cash, and isn't adverse to doing a porn scene?

Virtually everyone, I assume, has, at one point or another, Googled a particular celebrity and found paydirt in the form of images. And celebrities quite frequently bare almost all the goods, whether in 'classy' nearly-nude photo spreads (thanks, PETA!), or unintentional 'nip slips' and paparazzi-caught-me-changing snaps. Actual explicit celebrity photos are either of the ubiquitous sites dedicated to the head-photoshopped-onto-body kind (which quite unfairly rob said nude model and photographer of their copyright) or of the sexy, but rather too in-depth Pixl Porn variety (folks who don't understand would do well to read up on it here. Unfortunately, real nude celebrity lookalikes are rare gems in the sea of fake, photoshopped [and ultimately unsatisfying] images. But what about much-harder-to-manipulate [but very gratifying] video?

These scenes are out there, of course. I've seen some random clips of pretty convincing performances (including a dynamite Christina Aguilera blowjob) . . . that I can never find again. Stumbling upon this remarkable bondage scene with a dead-on Bruce Willis lookalike (just a tad less muscular than the real thing, but other than that, perfect!) brought these thoughts back to mind.

If a fantastic site like Sinful Comics, with its ultra-realistic animated renderings of celebrities, can be alluring, and if the Celebrities section of is bursting full of nearly 4,500 stories (many of which, surprisingly enough, are not of the "You'll never guess what happened the day I, an unsuspecting fan, met Jessica Alba" type), then why not real, flesh-and-blood babes and studs doing naughty things? And why not all collected together?

It must be the budding entrepreneur within me, but I can't think of a better idea than to a create a site dedicated to celebrity lookalikes (with, if able to purchase the rights, other sites' and companies' scenes featuring celebrity lookalikes). Imagine- a one-stop place to find all those faces that are familiar to you and for that reason quite taboo and hot. There you'd be able to take a glimpse into the fictionalized bedroom of Brad and Angelina lookalikes, to see Scarlett and Natalie resolve all that sexual tension. How much fun could be had doing gay scenes with the lookalikes of depressingly straight male celebrities (I mean, regular 'straight guy goes gay' porn is fantastically popular; imagine adding fame to the mix!)? We could all applaud watching "Simon Cowel" get buggered. Your fantasies could come to life, and you'd no longer have to wait, hoping for a grainy celebrity sex tape.

Am I alone in thinking this would sell like hotcakes?

Click here to read the rest!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Can Barely Keep Up!

Used to be a time when I spent all my time searching for real dyke/trans porn. Now it's come to the point where I spend all my time trying to stay abreast (pun? yeah, that's got to be a pun) of all the new dyke porn out there. I turn left, I turn right, it's coming out of the woodwork. Pink & White Productions and Buck Angel bust out on the scene to show everyone it could be done, and suddenly S.I.R. Video, Butch-Boi (I'm still patiently waiting and drooling over pictures like these), Good Dyke Porn, Trannywood Pictures, and on and on the list goes.

And now Abigail Productions and super smexy BDSM vixen Madison Young are stepping up to the plate with a new film! Sure, the cast will be familiar to anyone who follows Pink & White . . . really familiar, in fact (with Crash Pad favorites such as Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, Shawn, Lorelei Lee, and Carson). But the filming and directorial differences of Madison are sure to put their own special brand on the action.

Of course, this isn't the first Madison Young flick to step outside appealing-to-men lipstick lesbian action- Jiz Lee starred in Madion's kinda biopic porno "Tail Of A Bondage Model". But compare that to the cover of the new film "Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco"- a prominent "Castro" sign and, even more brilliantly, a rainbow flag. It calls out to the dyke in me. Somehow I imagine this being a little too gay-looking to be a play for male viewers. Hell. Yes.

So that's it, really. Part joyful complaint that I can't hardly keep track of all the must-see porno's coming out, part promotion for the soon-to-be-released "Lesbian Life". See them both. See them all! Tell me about those I keep on forgetting about or don't know about!
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The Mangina Man's Story Deepens

Remember when I blogged about Xtube's Mangina Man? Well, ever since he posted a small video clip from MSNBC about his transition, I had been searching for more information, but to no avail. I had to admit I had some doubts that I tried to cast away. The main pictures provided were either of a clothed chest or one in a harness that conveniently covered the area under the pecs, where most transmen have their masectomy/breast removal scars. His profile proudly paints him as a man born male-bodied, who chose to get penile inversion surgery to create a vagina/mangina, because well, he wanted it. I wanted to believe, but the naggling skeptic in the back of my mind wondered if we had a transman here, trying, perhaps, in internalized self-hatred and transphobia, to erase his female-bodied past.

Then, today, I found Mangina Man had posted the direct link to this MSNBC documentary "Born In The Wrong Body: A Change Of Heart", and, after some watching, the pieces started coming together. His tale is actually a lot deeper and more nuanced than some dude getting a pussy on a whim.

The Mangina Man was raised male and he did get penile inversion surgery. But in fact, he was born intersexed and underwent infantile surgery to remove his ambiguous genitalia. Later in life, he would change his sex as part of your average MtF transition to female. And he spent 20 years living as a woman before realizing he wanted to be male once again. Looking back, there are no lies up on his page, but this big chunk does seem to be missing. Not that I can blame him. It's hard enough explaining one's transsexuality to your average layperson. Try explaining your transition to the opposite gender, and then your transition back again to a person unfamiliar with transsexuality or intersexuality.

So if you thought Mangina Man's story was unique before, this makes him probably the most unique guy, ever. (Well, not that unique- the documentary includes another guy who went through the exact same changes). I don't know what kept/keeps his Xtube profile somewhat ambiguous- curbing stupid and hateful comments and questions? Keeping the mystery alive or wanting to share such deep and personal history with individuals you are interested in getting to know (and not just the whole word)? Is it shame?

All I can say is- there's nothing to be ashamed about. I'm still in awe of you, Mangina Man, even more than ever. I think trans people are amazing for being who they are despite what the world tells them. I can't imagine the criticism and fights you went up against in being who you are a second time, this time perhaps from both cisgender and transgender communities. I think it's amazing you shared your story in so many places- perhaps providing the information and example to those who have transitioned and felt regret, but were told it was normal, that they ought forget those twinges, and that transitioning back would be crazy and wrong. You're incredible.

You can also watch a little bit of his story in Tom Murray's documentary "Almost Myself", and, if you're lucky enough, the Murray Povich show's reruns.

The documentary "A Change Of Heart" is truly interesting, regardless of who you are and whether you care about Mangina Man- I suggest everyone give it a watch.
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Monday, September 15, 2008

Toy Review: The Tantus G-Force Dildo

I haven't had the pleasure of trying many sex toys, but the ones I have usually let me down in one way or another, and I realize I'd much rather sit back with my hand. But I also started getting a taste for penetration, which I'd first enjoyed by wrapping a big, oddly phallic plastic body wash bottle with the jelly sleeve I got with my essentially disliked Ohmibod musical vibrator.

I was doing quite fine with my makeshift dildo. If I was going to shell out money, it was going to be for something worthwhile.

And I found it!

The Tantus G-Force dildo is gorgeous. Though it comes in Pepto pink and the ubiquitous purple that seems available for every toy, I bought it in a black that shines reminiscent of leather. It's long (a solid 12" in total), sleek, with a slender, slightly curved stem that blossoms into a wider bulb at it's tip, presumably to give you more G-spot stimulation. I fell in love with it on sight, and it seemed to fit a lot of my requirements: G-spot stimulation (something I'd been yearning to try), a handle (to keep my hands from getting slippery and stop the wrist soreness I got), and it wasn't too pricey. I bought it, and promptly fell in love.

Let me sing an ode to what I think is the best thing about this dildo: self-fucking. Before I purchased it, I had also researched suction-cup dildos, because I was frankly tired of having to fuck myself. With no money or the requisite ingenuity to make my own fucking machine (or cat burglar skills to rob of theirs), a suction cup dildo that I could mount on a wall or chair seemed like the best bet. Quite frankly, I'm glad I didn't go with that method. I suppose someone with a lot of free time and a skateboard and bungee cord could work up a method so I could be on my back and use my legs to fuck myself into the suction dildo on the wall. But it doesn't seem like that's going to happen anytime soon. And while I do admit I need to get to the gym, combining a good old-fashioned fucking with squat thrusts just sounds like a lot of work for a girl whose favorite position really is just, well, lying there and having them come to me. And that's where the combined length, handle, and curve of the dildo come in handy. While the dildo is meant to be upright (U-shaped) to hit the G-spot, that also requires you to work it with a hand (which is nice . . . I've had some of my strongest orgasms with one hand working my clit and the other working the dildo). But turn it upside down so that the end rests firmly on the bed, and lift your hips (and yourself) off of it, then sink back down onto it. Voila. Instant self-fucking! And both hands are free for whatever you might want. There just isn't another dildo I know that can do that- either they're curved perfectly, but are too short, or are very long, but perfectly straight. The G-Force is unique and awesome!

The dildo could use some modifications- the silicone is just the teensiest bit soft for a G-spot toy, and I personally would be thrilled with a little more girth. But really, those are just little complaints.

You know a toy is good when you really don't think about buying any others. It's trusty, it's good, and, well, my vagina loves it- two thumbs up, five stars, and lots of gushing juiciness! Buy it at!
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Boys and G0ys

It seems like every four or five months or so somebody surfaces from out of nowhere to remind me of the "g0y" movement. It's something I'd rather forget, to be quite honest.

At first glance, it seems like nothing new. People keep on coming up with labels for their own particular gender and sexual orientational crossroads- it starts as lesbian, breaks down to butches, and we add in the sexual components to get butch tops, butch bottoms, heck, even stone butches. And that's just one example. While it can be a doozy to keep track of all these terms, I generally like the creativity associated with them, the way they help to foster growing communities and battle stereotypes (helping to open up dialogues about diversity), and how they provide individuals with proud identities. Yeah . . . I'm not one of those people arguing "Why do we need labels? Who cares who you love?". I like labels and burgeoning identities.

So I really ought to be thrilled to see a new subset of the gay male, the g0y (yes, that's a zero in the middle, not an "oh", and no, I don't know how to pronounce it), who proclaims proudly that he is masculine, loves masculine men, and he doesn't have anal sex.

Only, there's more to it than that, you see.

A closer look at the g0y philosophy shows they have a lot of, shall we say, interesting ideas about gender and sex, and they come not from a place of personal preferences, but rather from a lot of theorizing and way more explanation than the above definition ought warrant. I mean, why would someone need several webpages defending and vehemently not apologizing for their personal identity in long, meandering passages?

G0y's do not only dislike anal sex for themselves- they dislike it for anyone. People who practice buttsex are labelled "phreaks" and deviants, and the reason for the practice's popularity is likened to the massive campaigns of the tobacco industry, and its affiliation with homosexuality compared to the Nazi takeover of the peaceful Indian symbol (note to the g0y's: actually, the symbol of the swastika is actually reversed, not as is). Strong words, stronger images. And all about a little anal play? Seriously? Nobody's punk'ing me?

But of course, the condemnation of anal sex is integral to maintaining a Christian front. Manipulate scripture as you will- I'm no theologist and could care less. I've heard various sources say that the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah had to do with a lack of hospitality, not gay sex. I've heard some say it was all about man-on-man action, but it don't really matter, because Jesus never said a thing about guys getting together. I've heard some very smart people (okay, well, that's my subjectivity showing through) say that the Bible is reflective of the time in which it was written, and the social mores of that era, hence it can't be taken literally (moreover, there are lots of other things we have changed- women speaking out in church, for example- that wasn't in as much contention as the whole gay issue). But g0y's twist to the Word is a literal one- it's the anal sex that'll getcha sent to hell. Man-on-man lovin' is good in the eyes of the Lord, but "laying with a man as one would a woman"- nuh-uh, mister.

Funny, isn't it? I guess it all depends on your goals. If you're a gay guy longing to be accepted by God, you can tell yourself that. If you're a straight couple longing for some anal sex, though, well, you can talk your way to that, too- like the hilarious parody site Sex In Christ goes to show.

The other tenet of g0ydom is the emphasis on masculinity. Oh no, your Paul Lynde's and Buddy Cole's aren't welcome here. God only knows how they handle watching Jack on "Will and Grace". Now, I've encountered a lot of femme phobia- gay men who are squicked by the mincing and prancing and generally fun part of getting to be gay (you know, if you're so inclined). Every time I hear a gay man complain about stereotypical gay portrayals in the media, I sympathize, but at the same time, I hear those echoes of anti-femme- for effeminate gay men do exist. Some equality in representation of macho men and queens would be nice, but you can't eliminate either completely, no matter how much you wish you weren't associated with them. Your discomfort, I've always maintained, might just be your own hangup. But not so, say the g0ys. If you aren't a virile manly man, you've been brainwashed by the gays- another "phreak" delighting in your gender deviancy.

So. Do g0ys have some good points? Of course they do- that's what draws people to it in the first place (well, besides using their homophobic stances to draw in gay men in denial with self-internalized hatred). They quite correctly acknolwedge that media portrayals of gay men (or, I suppose, for them, "men who love men") are stereotypical and often negative (or at least, have negative connotations in a world that devalues femininity). And they have a very right-on view towards Christian treatments of homosexuality (discrediting the ex-gay movement, for example). And yet, the whole thing sounds like a macho Christian guy's attempt to make his homosexuality palatable with his church and his macho buddies.

I wouldn't have a problem with g0ys if they were what they proposed to be- anal-disliking masculine guys who like guys. But they're much more than that- what amounts to a cult that believes itself morally superior by separating itself from and then belittling and demonizing homosexuality. The only thing that gives me some comfort is that I still have faith in the general intelligence of women. Don't let me down, lesbians. If I find out there's a new "leZbian" subculture of girls who don't eat pussy, there WILL be hell to pay, ya'll.
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Saturday, September 13, 2008

Japanese Queer Girls FTW!

I'm so thrilled!

Lots of countries seem to be jumping onto the scene with their queer grrl revolutions in ways that let us not-so-worldly Americans get a taste of their national dyke cultures. Just take a look at Emilie Jouvet- whose incredible porno "Pour Une Nuit" (translation: "One Night Stand") suddenly brought it to my attention that, hey, whoa . . . France has gay girls, too! It's just amazing, really, to be exposed to cross-cultural queerness.

And yet, my favorite country, the one I visited twice and long to return back to, has kept itself surprisingly mum on the whole lesbian thing. I searched longingly high and low for Japanese GLBT resources. Of course, there are amazingly talented Asian-American queer men and women doing really great things- just take a look at, for one example, Good Asian Drivers (okay, okay, I admit it- I'm pimping them mostly because I'm in love with their totally queer version of "I Kissed A Girl"). But every attempt to explore Japanese GLBT culture (from the States, that is) pretty much let me down.

In Japan, I made sure I didn't leave before visiting Tokyo's famous Shinjuku No Chome- a fantastic little street lined with gay and lesbian bars- the one and only place that queerness was openly celebrated (flags on the street proclaimed it, in English, as "Friendly Town"), and, indeed, even just visible. Finally, there were some girls who escaped the "kawaii syndrome" (wherein everything for girls is cute, feminine, and quite often girlish, even for older women) and validated my theory that there's queerness everywhere, even if it's in hiding. My Japanese language skills at the time limited the scope of our conversations, unfortunately, but the tantalizing glimpses of a rich community were there.

But once back in America, it suddenly became that much harder. Books on the subject were either incredibly academic and dry (Sharon Chalmer's "Emerging Lesbian Voices From Japan"), fetishized (any manga featuring yuri, a.k.a. cartoon lesbian love comic books), or both general and outdated (the 1998 "Queer Japan: Personal Stories Of Japanese Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals, and Bisexuals"). (There is, however, a wonderful exception: the new "Sparkling Rain", which I haven't gotten my hands on yet, but greatly hope to soon). The highly-touted first Japanese film both by and about lesbians ("Sugar Sweet") was directed by Malaysian Desiree Lim and pretty much flopped, even by independent film standards. And what with the website (which worked to faciliate building community between lesbians in Asia) all-too-recently going belly-up since its creation in 1997, my Google searches for "Japanese + lesbian" get me lots and lots of porn sites . . . and none of them, unfortunately, are Crash Pad-style.

It seemed hopeless. Surely there were resources out there for Japanese lesbians, unfortunately in kanji-laden, .jp domain websites that would take me years to completely translate and decipher. All information that readily came up in English were pretty basic and very fragmented . . . there was nothing personal, nothing revolutionary, nothing very queer. No big sites to guide you through Japanese lesbian culture.

Until now!

Or, really, I suppose the fabulous Tokyo-based website Tokyo Wrestling has been around for a while . . . since April '07, according to its archives (now celebrating its one-year anniversary!). Perhaps you more in-tune folks had previously discovered it. But for me, the site, with extensive information, numerous links, GLBT news headlines, and the ability to view it in Japanese, English, and even French, is pretty astounding. The focus on being not only lesbian, but rather queer oriented, is really refreshing. And it's even prettily designed and consistently updated.

I'm just happy as a clam. And even if you aren't a total Japanophile, I suggest checking it out.
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Male To . . . Male?

I'm used to a lot of gender configurations and transitions . . . the genderqueer movement has moved us far past feminine, stealth, heterosexual, post-operative, HRT, male-to-female transsexual women (or, on the other end, macho, stealth, post-operative, HRT, male-to-female transsexual guys). And yet, this is a first even for me:

A guy, who had a dick, got rid of it, and started taking hormones. But it's not what your thinking: he got rid of the dick, but the hormones he started taking were masculine ones (to replace those lost when his scrotum was removed). He's a dude, with a vagina. And he'd absolutely love ya to fuck him like crazy in that "mangina". He ain't shy about it: his username on proudly proclaims him as The Mangina Man. You know, get it? He's got a vagina, and Man + Vagina = Mangina.

Which makes him very similar to Pop Shot Blog's beloved other man with a pussy, Mr. Buck Angel. Except that Buck Angel didn't have quite the same history (for all you STILL in the dark, you silly folks you, Buck's an FtM, meaning he used to be female-bodied).

I'm don't know . . . I'm still a little dizzy and thrilled by his mere existence. I've heard from several men over the years who want to, for whatever reason, voluntarily get rid of their penises but not become female (to aid with celibacy, as a sexual fetish, part of body integrity identity disorder, etc., etc.), but most surgeons will not castrate such men (please . . . when it takes years of "real-life tests" and therapy just to get the required approval for surgery with the by-now very well-known gender dysphoria experienced by transsexuals, that'd be pretty crazy and hypocritical). However it happened, I find it a step nearer a utopian world where gender can be explored much more easily, and not everyone who experiments with surgery and hormones need to be classified and condemned by not fitting the constraints of what constitutes "transsexual". It reads like something out of Pat Califia's radical writings. Unfortunately, women who'd like to have a dick, but not get the physical masculinity that comes with testosterone use, are still stuck with strapping on those of the plastic type. But I have high hopes that medical science can catch up.

Anyways . . . on his profile, Mangina Man says he's soon starring in his first porn film in L.A., and I for one can't be more excited. How will he be marketed, I wonder? As an FtM? Or will the new niche of "man born as male but who got penis inversion surgery" porn be born?

It's frickin' awesome however you slice it (pun not intended?), to say the very least. Go and talk to this rare and unique, and very horny and cool, dude.
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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Opening Pandora's Box

I'm still trying to figure out why I'm so enamored with the website Pandora's Secret's.

I really shouldn't be; it boasts nothing particularly out-of-the-ordinary, in terms of erotica. The basic conceit: people write their fantasies and post them on the site. Boom bada boom. There's nothing more to it than that, and quite honestly, I'm sure other people have been doing it elsewhere long, long ago. And yet I remain hooked.

Maybe it's because I've never actually had the impulse to write down my fantasies before. Oh, I've certainly put pen to paper to write about sexy ideas that get me hot- I am a writer, after all- but when I sit down to write stories, that's exactly what I am: a writer. My erotic stories are carefully crafted in terms of characterization, ambiance, picking out just the right details to accentuate the fucking in my readers' minds. I write to create art, and while it's rewarding, it's incredibly challenging and more than a little non-erotic, struggling to capture the essence of what will make this tryst stand out in the millieu of hundreds of others on sites like (or, in my dreams of getting published, on the shelves at your local bookstore). The pressure, and the perfectionist in me, make writing erotica another chore, albeit one I love far more than going to the bank and Post Office.

But nonetheless, I found myself at Pandora's Secrets- after a curious click on the link from Eros Blog- and decided on a whim to write down a fantasy that consistently and continuously came to me during my solitary sessions. It was short, sweet, and best of all, it felt fantastic. I returned time and time again to read and re-read my fantasy, and then, in the following weeks, to write four more. And I think I've figured out why it's so addictive.

For me, a big part of the appeal is the fact that I am writing for no audience, and yet, at the same time, for an audience. I have nobody I want to impress on, and the site isn't one of literary erotica. Presumably, nobody is going to criticize my grammar or writing. I am beholden to nobody, and if I decide I want to spend four lengthy paragraphs luxuriating in every minute detail of giving a blowjob- something that, in a real story, would have to be done with particular skill and attention in order not to drag and lose narrative focus- it's perfectly fine. There's no need for an introduction, and the words flow out of my fingers stream-of-consciousness style in the way that only writing without a care in the world can get you (the guiding concept behind the upcoming annual NaNoWriMo as well). And while I might be able to get the same results by writing the exact same thing in a private, and not Web-wide capacity, the idea of an audience acts simultaneously as a motivator. I've left behind started-and-never-visited-again diaries and "personal blogs" because it's so easy to get lazy. Nobody's reading it but me, and it's all in my head anyways, right? The opportunity to put it into a public forum somehow stimulates me to lay my fantasies out where I might otherwise not.

And, of course, there's the sheer, delicious, perverted nature of a fantasy. Or perhaps my fantasies are different. I have many- ranging from celebrities, perverse alternate universes where familiar characters get it on (a.k.a. slash and fanfic), porno-influenced scenes, and . . . people I know. There's nothing quite so naughty as having sexy thoughts about an acquaintance, or even a good friend, because it feels so very real. You know him/her and you know yourself- you can easily plot the interactions between the two of you. And in the same way that a new crush will often be literally hanging off your lips, ready to burst out to the first curious ear, the release of such naughty fantasies is immensely cathartic. Suddenly, it's out there, floating in cyberspace. Your heart pounds giddily at the dizzying thought- what if, just what if, he/she read it and knew it was me writing? Yeah. That's something you can't get from writing fiction, no matter how taboo it gets. I don't know; I talk regularly in various forums about anal sex, incest, threesomes, bukkakes, rape fantasies. I won't say that I'm jaded or immune to the heat generated by the rare, the kinky, the dirty, the 'wrong'. But I've discovered that if I really want to trip my trigger, putting thoughts to paper about my nearest and dearest tends to do the trick, exactly.

So, yeah. If you have some fantasies to unload, try it out. You just might like it!
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Sunday, September 7, 2008

Forearms As Foreplay

Are hairy arms [on women] sexy? A turn-off? Something nobody cares about either way (unless you're Chewbacca-hairy, that is)? Moreover- what do women themselves think about their arm hair or lack thereof?

Last week I was drafted, along with my other suitemates, to help my very blonde, very "Hills"-esque neighbor (hereafter christened "Sally") to wax her arms. It's apparently something she often does, and giving her freaking out about the invisible hairs I couldn't see, I'm quite sure her fine, blonde arm hair was never that long or noticeable anyways, pre-waxing. But then again, my perspectives may be skewed: I like my long, gorgeous arm hair. Sure, sometimes I think about removing it, but that's mostly because I have a total fetish/fixation on shaving very hairy areas (I often eye boys' deliciously hairy legs, my fingers just itching for a razor to get to see the beautiful contrast of smooth and furry). But I would never get rid of it- it's a part of me. It's everything my leg hair (when I let it go) is not: softer, lighter, denser. It holds me out and apart from ultra-feminized and cosmetic slaves like Sally. It feels a little like gender-bending, since men are so often prized for their hairiness. Yeah, I love it my arm hair. It certainly is less work than the hair on the top of my head. Here's a bad picture of left arm:

And yet I remember being back in elementary school, and chatting with the gals about the new Asian girl in our class- how lucky they were, we noted enviously, to have so little body hair (as evidenced by her bare arms). I don't know if I consciously agreed with it at the time or just nodded in naive agreement (I wasn't the beauty-knowledgable pre-teen, so who was I to know hairlessness was in? I didn't shave my legs until mid-way through high school), but either way, it left an impression on me.

Years later, when my cousin revealed that she shaved her arms, I was shocked beyond belief, and yes, a testing touch revealed my worst nightmare: no visible stubble, but that horrible, sharp feeling of skin that has been shaved and is starting to grow in. I vowed then and there- never, ever, ever. No way. I'd let my arm hair get so long I could braid it before I ever shaved it off. But by then I'd already grown attached to my forearm fur.

Waxing with Sally proved more interest-picquing, but overall, I just would rather not mess with perfection. And to my surprise, the same week I watch hot wax get ripped off of Sally's arms, my Internet wanderings somehow miraculously mirroring my real life and I stumble along to this little ode to hairy (I suppose "hirsute" is the way to make it sound sexier) female arms on the great forums at Adult DVD Talk.

And no, I didn't wander randomly onto the website Girls With Hairy Arms (the source of the top picture)- that would be a little too precious!- but searching it out just goes to show that there is a porn existing for every fetish out there. Or maybe not porn, per se, but at least loving celebration. By the way, the website is too expensive and lacking on sex/nudity for me, but by golly, I do love their manifesto:

Welcome to Girls with Hairy Arms. Here, we speak out against the increasing social trends of arms waxing, shaving or 'lasering' as a part of a very narrow-minded definition of beauty that has been surging through Western culture.

Natural is beautiful. Self-confidence is powerful. It is the mission of this website and its supporters to show all women that by being yourself and natural doesn't stop you from being beautiful.

Just reading through the girls' own biographies/statements and their tales of being made to feel shame about their hairiness is incredibly interesting. I'm curious as to my readers/blog visitors. How do you feel about arm hair? Any tales to tell?

Click here to read the rest!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

She's a Dirty Girl: On Being Disgusting

Warning: if you consider yourself prim, proper, clean, hygienic, and germ-free, or know you're easily squicked by the lack thereof, you might just want to skip this particular post.

Yes, I've finally come to embrace it instead of feel shame: I'm just pretty dang disgusting. Nobody has ever accused me of being a germaphobe- no, far from it. And while I love being clean and fresh from a shower, I'm just as comfortable being, um, not-so-clean-and-fresh. I can roll happy like a pig in my own filth.

I'm the one you'll catch scratch-'n-sniffing my various body parts (even if I know my own reaction will be "Ugh!"), joyfully playing with the tacky, globulous clots of menstrual blood collected in my Kotex, scraping plaque off my teeth only to eat it (well, it was already in my mouth, right?), passing gas and then, to quote Fat Bastard, "liking my own brand", curiously tasting my own urine (curiosity sated: it's hot and super salty), French-kissing my Cocker Spaniel, and picking my nose every minute I have alone with utter abandonment. I'm the one who has extended the five-second rule to one of minutes (famous family story: my mother discovers my young toddler self on the ground licking a Sugar Daddy stuck to the kitchen floor), and, while it hurts to admit it, my best friend and I once "pulled a George Costanza" and ate a chicken sandwich from the garbage can in high school . . . but c'mon- it was nestled safely on the tray, right on top, completely uncontaminated! I subscribe to the whole "you must expose your baby to germs in order for them to develop immunities" school of thought. And sure, I'm the one peeing in the shower much to the horror of the other gym visitors (if they knew, that is). I double-dip chips and drink from an offered cup without a care as to whose lips have been on it or how much saliva content composes the backwash. I have had stretches where it's been a while since I showered. And I love smelling my oft-potent vaginal secretions or a pair of dirty undies.

Okay, so it's not sexy. I know I won't increase my odds of getting laid by divulging such information and painting these mental images. And yet, I don't exactly want to censor this part of myself, either. While other folks might not be quite so nasty as I am, I know the grossness exists in other people, usually hidden away and reserved for quiet private moments. I want to see it.

This is my first semester with a stranger for a roommate instead of my best friend- a friend who kindly put up with and didn't mind too much my grody idiosyncracies. Suddenly I am again hyper-aware of my actions in my own room- oh no, did I just scratch behind my ear and then delightedly smell it? How sad, right? I mean, I'm all for keeping a little bit of the mystery alive between friends and lovers, but I can't help thinking that the mystery translates to a distance and fakeness that is just sad.

On my latest trip to Japan, an adorably funky girl named Tomomi accidentally passed gas in front of me (or, Nihon-go de: onara shita) and dissolved into a mess of giggles as she eagerly told me "Now we're best friends." Do it twice, we're family, three times, love birds, four times, inseparable. That's a philosophy I can get behind.

So if we happen to be chillin' together and I do something gross, just understand: I feel so comfortable with you that I can be myself. It's a sign of love, okay? And if you're looking at me from across the room, thinking I'd be the perfect girlfriend/fuckbuddy/one night stand, be ready to take all of me- not just the perfume prettiness you expecting on the first date, but the buttscratching, embraces-her-natural-scent "dirty girl" you weren't ready for. You might kiss her after she ate a God-knows-how-old M&M from between the couch cushions. You definitely want her to don some latex gloves before she sexes ya up- because you never know where her fingers have been.

But Xtube's awesome Sapphix put it best, under the "Turn-Offs" section of her profile:

And seriously, guys, can't you all PLEASE TRY to think of something more imaginative to put in this category than the likes of "people who smell bad" and "poor hygiene"? It depresses me bottomlessly that so many of the xtube users i otherwise admire hum the same utterly brain-dead melody here. if you can't get turned on by someone's really STRONG-smelling, crusty underwear, then, honey, you mght as well go back to okcupid, cuz you're REALLY a fuckin lightweight.

If you appreciate, or can learn to appreciate, so-called "smelly" cheeses — Pont L'Eveque, Munster, Limburger, Epoisses, etc.— then you can appreciate ALL human smells -- genitals, assholes, & feet.

Word, girl, word.
Click here to read the rest!