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Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Dick Singalong
And now here's the boys' turn, with some phallic musicality.
1) The wonderful "Penis Song" from "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life".
2) Hilarious country singer-comedian Rodney Carrington just won me over with his "Dear Penis":
3) From the same Da Vinci's Notebook who sang the lovely song about Internet porn, here's an equally hilarious and joyful tribute to well-endowed men in "Enormous Penis" . . . although let's remember that you can still be happy if you're average!
4) Case in point: lukaduka sings about wishing they had a smaller penis in "The Penis Song".
5) Mickey Avalon and DJ Kris P.'s "My Dick"- a repetitive, silly song that nonetheless is completely addictive.
6) "The Sweetest Thing" bored me in every part except the silly looks-like-she's-going-down-in-the-car scene, but "The Penis Song" is pretty remarkable in its own way.
7) Here comes the rude dude, Jonathan Fin's "Ten Inch Cock":
8) Because I still love "Fight Club" so much (whose writer has a new set-in-the-porn-world book out), and I want to jump Edward Norton's bones almost as much as Helena Bonham Carter's, here's his and Brad Pitt's tribute to that ol' goddess of love, the penis.
9) "The Penis Song" by Stoned Laughter. Although it's more of a video saga than a song, it's still pretty awesome. Especially the video.
10) Who says dick songs only have to be sung by those with dicks? Here's a very funny 'if I had a penis' song "Penis Envy" by Uncle Bonsai.
1) The wonderful "Penis Song" from "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life".
2) Hilarious country singer-comedian Rodney Carrington just won me over with his "Dear Penis":
3) From the same Da Vinci's Notebook who sang the lovely song about Internet porn, here's an equally hilarious and joyful tribute to well-endowed men in "Enormous Penis" . . . although let's remember that you can still be happy if you're average!
4) Case in point: lukaduka sings about wishing they had a smaller penis in "The Penis Song".
5) Mickey Avalon and DJ Kris P.'s "My Dick"- a repetitive, silly song that nonetheless is completely addictive.
6) "The Sweetest Thing" bored me in every part except the silly looks-like-she's-going-down-in-the-car scene, but "The Penis Song" is pretty remarkable in its own way.
7) Here comes the rude dude, Jonathan Fin's "Ten Inch Cock":
8) Because I still love "Fight Club" so much (whose writer has a new set-in-the-porn-world book out), and I want to jump Edward Norton's bones almost as much as Helena Bonham Carter's, here's his and Brad Pitt's tribute to that ol' goddess of love, the penis.
9) "The Penis Song" by Stoned Laughter. Although it's more of a video saga than a song, it's still pretty awesome. Especially the video.
10) Who says dick songs only have to be sung by those with dicks? Here's a very funny 'if I had a penis' song "Penis Envy" by Uncle Bonsai.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
All You Will Get Is Fake Peen
It's not that I'm dying to see flaccid penises on the big screen, you understand. I like 'em fine enough, but 1) if it's a porn, I'm going to expect to see it get hard, 2) if it's a mainstream film, I'm going to expect it to be either very brief and thus unimportant or unnecessary and distracting from the plot, or 3) if I'm hunting for celebrity masturbatory fodder, more non-genital nudity would go further than the peen, which I can construct just fine in my mind. So following that logic, I really shouldn't be so upset at the fact that I won't be seeing Sean Penn or James Franco's penises in the upcoming movie "Milk".And yet I am, and I'll tell you why.
(On a side note, I am sooo excited about "Milk", the biopic about the first openly gay politican Harvey Milk. I have to admit it- I'm not that much a fan of Sean Penn. Others love him, tell me he's great, but I just don't care for his personality. But just watching the preview, I'm super-stoked, not only because it looks tremendously well-made, but because I really think it has the potential to rally people. Think about it- angry GLBTQ folks fresh off of being denied marriage + a moving portrayal of political activism + newly politically mobilized youth = a new revolution. Maybe? I don't know. But I'm still excited.)
Anyways, back on topic. When the two characters shimmy down to nothing, their penises are going to be fake prosthetics, as James Franco told Jimmy Kimmel. The question I have, though, and which doesn't seemed to be addressed in any of the other blogs posting the news, is: "Why?"
The last two big prosthetic penises I remember seeing on-screen belonged to Transamerica's Felicity Huffman and Boogie Night's Mark Walhberg- one for the actress who didn't have one herself, and one for the man needing to portray some hefty porno endowment. Both of these were exceptional cases, ones that I just don't think are present in the case of "Milk". I don't remember hearing any rumor that Milk or his lover were hung like horses, thereby requiring filmmakers to provide historical accuracy by means of plastic genitals.
Mind you, I'm not faulting Penn or Franco. Not only must it be incredibly difficult to expose yourself to millions of strangers, making yourself vulnerable through the removal of protective clothes, but it also opens up the wide and ridiculous arena of penis commentary that is sure to follow. Anybody not swinging an enormous club is immediately subject to intense discussion and criticism- all we have to do is look at what happened to poor Jude Law. One outside changing of clothes and boom! everybody is talking about how small the guy is, despite the fact that he appears more than average to moi. (And I've read countless articles in "defense" of Jude Law's penis- from claims of shrinkage in the pool, a hairy bush hiding and diminishing the goods, all the way to the hydraulics of his crouching stance). Dropping trow is a huge risk to one's career, and if I were an agent, I wouldn't be recommending my male talent to be flopping freely in front of cameras, either. And who wouldn't rather put on a fake and let it take all the heat? Penn and Franco, it turns out, are victims of our size-obsessed culture.
I'm just very tired of penis size being yakked about so much. Even after Enzyte has been sued for its false claims and lack of peer-reviewed evidence (even though c'mon, anybody who bought it was an idiot!), I still have to see Bob's damn smiling face while a cheery announcer tells me all about natural male enhancement. Guys are incredibly worried about their size and national male anxiety increases tenfold. But there's little men can do about penis size without dropping serious cash or risking lumpiness (eek!). It truly is the most ridiculous thing to worry about- it just ain't changing. Best learn to love your penis (why are women encouraged to love their bodies, but men rarely are?), learn to modify your lovemaking skills and tool box if your lady/man says size is causing you to lack, and stop stressing.
But unfortunately, watching "Milk" will make sweat break out on your forehead all over again. You might feel better, having heard Franco regale audiences with his humorous tale, as you remind yourself that they're fake, and even Sean Penn, who bedded the eminently beddable Madonna, worried about his own size. Or not. Nobody seems to be calling out the fake penises for what it says about our culture and our sexual anxieties, and I don't care if it's been talked about to death. Somebody should say it and put it on the table, at the very least.
Until then, though, expect a new trend- Judd Apatow be damned- of the dicks being larger than life, because all you're getting is fake peen.
Ah, well. Go and see "Milk" when it comes out- for the story, instead.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Jessica Alba Would Like More Male Nudity, Please
<---- What does Jessica Alba think is missing?I've never been that crazy about the actress- she's pretty and acts alright, but she doesn't exactly knock my socks off (though I do remember being vaguely stirred by her character "Max" on the cyberpunk series "Dark Angel" so long ago). But I do find some of her recent statements quite pleasing:
The 'Fantastic Four' actress doesn't think it is fair that men's magazines are packed with pictures of virtually nude women, while the publications she reads don't have any naked guys in them. Jessica said inan interview with Britain's GQ magazine: "Men's magazines have nipples so why don't women have a magazine where men show their penises? There's Playgirl but not a fashion magazine like Elle. "If there was a magazine like that I'd buy it. Nudity's not a big deal to me." Although the 26-year-old star won't strip off on screen, she likes to see other people bare all in the name of entertainment. She explained: "I've said I won't go naked in any of my movies, because I don't want to. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see other people strip off!"
Completely agreed, Jessica, and kudos to you for noting the unfair discrepancy, as well as for having the guts to come out and say you like to see others strip, and that you'd buy a magazine for its penis content.
The rest of the media seems enamored with her- she's got what they call sway. Maybe folks will listen to her and I can open up "Elle" and find nude hunks. Fingers crossed!
The 'Fantastic Four' actress doesn't think it is fair that men's magazines are packed with pictures of virtually nude women, while the publications she reads don't have any naked guys in them. Jessica said inan interview with Britain's GQ magazine: "Men's magazines have nipples so why don't women have a magazine where men show their penises? There's Playgirl but not a fashion magazine like Elle. "If there was a magazine like that I'd buy it. Nudity's not a big deal to me." Although the 26-year-old star won't strip off on screen, she likes to see other people bare all in the name of entertainment. She explained: "I've said I won't go naked in any of my movies, because I don't want to. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see other people strip off!"
Completely agreed, Jessica, and kudos to you for noting the unfair discrepancy, as well as for having the guts to come out and say you like to see others strip, and that you'd buy a magazine for its penis content.
The rest of the media seems enamored with her- she's got what they call sway. Maybe folks will listen to her and I can open up "Elle" and find nude hunks. Fingers crossed!
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