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Showing posts with label celebrity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label celebrity. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Whaddya Mean, Male Pornstars Like Girl-On-Girl Action?
I find it quite weird that I'm blogging yet again about Lindsay Lohan, but she's in the news and I find it significant, ergo, here goes.Apparently over the Christmas break, BBC broadcast a radio show with DJ Spoony and legendary porn star Ron Jeremy, offering up "The Most Annoying People Of 2008" with all sorts of commentary thrown in there. Now it's being accused of being homophobic and sexist.
The heinous words spoken?
From Spoony: "Let the munters and mingers get each other - that's cool because no-one really wants them. But when they're hot and fit and Hollywood superstars, they should be saved for guys."
From Ron: "These two girls are very good-looking. I would love to be in the middle of that: They will do each other, do me, do each other, do me, back and forth. All of a sudden, you do a pop and it is over. The polite thing to do is to pop on both of them. Men are wishing they could be with her and change her mind, thinking 'Yeah, she is a lesbian now because she never met me.'" (I'd also throw in there that Ron said in May of 2008 that he'd like to see Lindsay Lohan's sex tape, and there was no hullabaloo over that).
Granted, Spoony's British slang sounds all homophobicky at first, since I've no idea what a munter or a minger is. Urban Dictionary tells me they are essentially ugly women, not even a reference to unattractive lesbians a la the American "bulldyke" or some such. It's still incredibly offensive, but I have to ask- what do you expect?
Seriously- what the hell do you expect? I can't believe that people are "shocked" by these guys repeating what is blatantly pushed at us from nearly every media source: that lesbianism isn't a real orientation, that lesbian sex is not "real sex" (whatever that means), that women are essentially around for men's pleasure, and that lesbian and bisexual couples are incredibly open to inviting men into their beds and relationships. If all the porn that you see portrays lesbian and bisexual women in such a way, you're going to get a certain mindset. Then you can tell yourself "Nah, it's just porn, that's not real life.", but then the mainstream media tells you pretty much the same thing. These aren't two crass individuals out of touch with society (as, say, Don Imus was). This is a clear and perfect example of how in-touch with a national heterosexual mindset as could possibly be.
And as for Ron Jeremy's "graphic" statements, which for a porn star, show a remarkable restraint in the language!, I'm curious as to how it would go over if a lesbian commentator talked about how she wanted to be in a threesome with the girls and squirt all over both of them. Of course, it'd still be a big issue over indecency, but would gay rights activists be furious about it? Or would they celebrate it? How about if an all-girl radio show lamented the fact that, as we've heard so many times "all the good guys are gay" and "what a waste it is that he's gay" and "smart, handsome guys like that should be saved for us girls!". I might be wrong, but I'm betting there'd be little fanfare over such a statement.
I'm not saying it isn't a little crude. I'm not saying it's respectful and sweet (although, really, when you're calling out "The Most Annoying People Of 2008", the whole thing really isn't that respectful, right?). What I'm saying is that I have pretty much the exact same fantasy as Ron Jeremy, and if I got the chance to put that offer out there on the air waves, you better believe I'd do it in a heartbeat. Why does that make me a delightfully sexually liberated woman, but Ron Jeremy is a "sexist pig"?
Jiz Lee has been writing some very provocative stuff of late addressing that whole well-worn issue of "the male gaze", wherein straight guys fetishize lesbianism, and, according to a legion of old-school feminists, take away queer women's power and exploits them and yada yada yada. Jiz's take on it- that the gender of the people jerking off to you in fact can give you more power- is rather refreshing. I utterly agree, and, moreover, find it pretty damn cool that Ron Jeremy wants to roll in the hay with not just feminine Lindsay but also boyish or even butch Sam. It's a nice confirmation that genderfucky women are sexually attractive (not that we needed Ron Jeremy or any man to tell US that). And this isn't Ron Jeremy pulling strings and making fake G/G porn . . . it's commentary on two real-life women in a relationship. He can't rob them of their power by telling people he imagines three-ways with them.
I was quite interested when I clicked on the headlines, but in the end, this is pretty weak tea. Yes, it's offensive to say that fit and sexy women should be saved for the men. But my jaw's not on the ground at the supposed "blatant homophobia and sexism". I'm still slack-jawed at the idea that people can't see that this is all around them, that there is a pervasive attitude that creates comments like DJ Spoony's in its mildest cases and rape in its most horrific.
But of course this radio broadcast won't be framed like that- because how can you vilify an entire culture? Who would you call out? Gay rights activists will denounce it, lesbians will call Ron Jeremy a pig (but praise Pat Califia for fantasizing about gay men). And we will take our two scapegoats who said what a good deal of men would agree with, and hang them out to dry. Ugh.
I'll end with this: for me the most offensive aspect about the whole thing is the fact that Ron Jeremy would like to have a threesome with two people he agrees are some of "the most annoying people of 2008". Sex with someone whose personality you find completely repulsive is apparently not half as bad as graphically lusting after lesbians.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Why Isn't There More Celebrity Lookalike Porn?
Yes, we are a society consumed by celebrity. Everybody knows their names. Even if you don't want to, and don't know how it happened, you know who cheated on her and who had the secret backyard wedding. And more than anything else, we love drooling over them.Seems like you can't click one link on the Internet without coming across a celebrity sex tape, which certainly sound titillating, but which have quite a few limitations: shoddy camerawork, a lack [probably] of sex acts you want to see, shoddy camerawork, the stars not exactly looking the way they do in those sexy magazine spreads you jerk off to, oh, and shoddy camerawork.
Unlike Japanese media, where a celebrity may appear in adult videos after having established a career in mainstream TV (see: Kaho Kasumi, for example), it just usually isn't happening in America. Sure, we are moving more towards the mainstream celebrity for porn stars, but the reverse- a well-known Hollywood starlet performing in professional porn- is almost unheard of.
Which makes me wonder- why isn't there more celebrity lookalike porn?
Undoubtedly, there are tons of people out there who either naturally resemble our beloved famous folks, or who, with the right makeup, hair, and outfits, can be fairly passable. Professional impersonators can do amazing work, of course, but I'm simply talking about folks who don't actually use their doppleganger-status as part of their day-to-day careers. How about the secretary who always gets compliments for looking like Britney Spears in the right light, who'd like a little extra cash, and isn't adverse to doing a porn scene?
Virtually everyone, I assume, has, at one point or another, Googled a particular celebrity and found paydirt in the form of images. And celebrities quite frequently bare almost all the goods, whether in 'classy' nearly-nude photo spreads (thanks, PETA!), or unintentional 'nip slips' and paparazzi-caught-me-changing snaps. Actual explicit celebrity photos are either of the ubiquitous sites dedicated to the head-photoshopped-onto-body kind (which quite unfairly rob said nude model and photographer of their copyright) or of the sexy, but rather too in-depth Pixl Porn variety (folks who don't understand would do well to read up on it here. Unfortunately, real nude celebrity lookalikes are rare gems in the sea of fake, photoshopped [and ultimately unsatisfying] images. But what about much-harder-to-manipulate [but very gratifying] video?
These scenes are out there, of course. I've seen some random clips of pretty convincing performances (including a dynamite Christina Aguilera blowjob) . . . that I can never find again. Stumbling upon this remarkable bondage scene with a dead-on Bruce Willis lookalike (just a tad less muscular than the real thing, but other than that, perfect!) brought these thoughts back to mind.
If a fantastic site like Sinful Comics, with its ultra-realistic animated renderings of celebrities, can be alluring, and if the Celebrities section of Literotica.com is bursting full of nearly 4,500 stories (many of which, surprisingly enough, are not of the "You'll never guess what happened the day I, an unsuspecting fan, met Jessica Alba" type), then why not real, flesh-and-blood babes and studs doing naughty things? And why not all collected together?
It must be the budding entrepreneur within me, but I can't think of a better idea than to a create a site dedicated to celebrity lookalikes (with, if able to purchase the rights, other sites' and companies' scenes featuring celebrity lookalikes). Imagine- a one-stop place to find all those faces that are familiar to you and for that reason quite taboo and hot. There you'd be able to take a glimpse into the fictionalized bedroom of Brad and Angelina lookalikes, to see Scarlett and Natalie resolve all that sexual tension. How much fun could be had doing gay scenes with the lookalikes of depressingly straight male celebrities (I mean, regular 'straight guy goes gay' porn is fantastically popular; imagine adding fame to the mix!)? We could all applaud watching "Simon Cowel" get buggered. Your fantasies could come to life, and you'd no longer have to wait, hoping for a grainy celebrity sex tape.
Am I alone in thinking this would sell like hotcakes?
Monday, August 18, 2008
Is Lindsay Lohan A Lesbian?
Honestly, I could care less.Actually, I do care a little bit . . . why does the media and collective world around me insist on using the word "lesbian" (or "gay") to describe people who have actively had opposite-sex relationships? Sappho, Oscar Wilde, and now Lindsay Lohan. The girl's dated a handful of boys (Aaron Carter, Wilmer Valderrama, Harry Morton, Calum Best, Riley Giles), so it's obviously just a ploy to capitalize on the shock factor of the L-word. Ah, when will bisexuality get some well-deserved publicity that isn't of the horrendous Katy Perry type?
But once again, I'm like an ADD-addled kid. That wasn't my point at all. Back to the question ("Is Lindsay Lohan lesbian/bisexual?") and my complete and total apathy for the answer.
So why am I blogging about it, you might ask?
Well, it's quite simple- it has nothing to do with Lohan, who hasn't registered on my radar since "The Parent Trap" (okay, okay, and the guilty pleasure that was her first hit, "Rumors"), or with celebrity girl-on-girl extravaganzas . . . it's because the lez-beau in question shocked me quite a bit by her, well, butchness.Every time my eyes wander away from the staring contest the Snickers bar and I are having at the checkout counter to glance the trashy tabloids, there's inevitably some girl kissing some other girl. It's unremarkable- they're both gorgeous femmes, it almost always looks staged, and if it wasn't, there was probably a good deal of alcohol and drugs involved as well. Ugh.
So I studiously stayed away from the rumors I was hearing about Lindsay Lohan (you know, mostly because my general impression was (is?) "skank" when I'm feeling mean, and at best a grudging "poor, messed-up kid" when I'm feeling generous). But somehow I managed to stumble over a picture of Lohan and the rumored girlfriend, and my jaw dropped.
Sam/Samantha Ronson is a total butch lesbian. Or, if you're going to get picky about it, at the very least, andro or "futch". She doesn't look like a girly Hollywood girl. She looks tough, punk (as a DJ'ing gal should be), and she has dyke appeal up the wazoo.
Butch has never had it so good since Portia snagged up Ellen and left all the straight, mainstream folk scratching their heads in confusion, or, for the younger crowd, Tila Tequila showed more interest in Dani Campbell than a house full of Barbie dolls.
Various media sources are all a-frenzy, from conspiracy theories of a publicity grab, that the gals are just friends, and whatnot. I can't say I really care. For once, people are talking about lesbian celebrity kisses, and it kind of seems more authentic than usual. People are talking about a butch gal, and it's not steroetypical or derogatory. And whether the love is real, or fake, or something that will later be deemed a "mistake" by publicists, maybe a few people can think about how butches can be sexy, wonderful partners, if a famous, sexy chick like Lindsay wants herself one.And that's enough to make me happy.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Bisexual Star Fucker: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert
"Bisexual Star Fucker" is my new (hopefully, if I stay on-schedule) weekly blog where I lust after, drool over, post deliciously salacious pictures of, extol the virtues of, and otherwise pimp out two stars (one female, one male) who get me hot. Looking for David Beckham and Posh Spice? Go somewhere else, because mainstream stars that everyone else is salivating for just aren't my thing. Seriously- crushing on Johnny Depp is so boring. But now, the girl or guy who tells me they get all squirmy when Steve Buscemi comes onscreen, well, that's someone I want to talk to and get to know.
And, in honor of really good segues, here come two more people I want you to meet: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert. Chances are you've heard of them, particularly if you like wacky black humor or political satire. And if you haven't, well, here's your chance. I've presented these two together because, if you know anything about them, you'll know that they're peas in a pod, longtime buddies, co-stars, co-authors, 2/3 of a threesome rounded out by Paul Dinello. It just feels right.
And, in honor of really good segues, here come two more people I want you to meet: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert. Chances are you've heard of them, particularly if you like wacky black humor or political satire. And if you haven't, well, here's your chance. I've presented these two together because, if you know anything about them, you'll know that they're peas in a pod, longtime buddies, co-stars, co-authors, 2/3 of a threesome rounded out by Paul Dinello. It just feels right.
I.
Want.
To.
Lick.
Her.
I don't know what photographer decided to give Amy a can of whipped cream and multicolored sprinkles, but I'd like to say, right now: Thank You.
If the above pictures haven't clued you in, Amy Sedaris is hot. Not only is she hot, though; she's also funny, zany, ecclectic, openly weird, smart, witty, talented out the wazoo, and uber-cute. And she has that brazen, in-your-face sort of attitude where you just know (or hope?) that she'd be wildly crazy and inventive in bed . . . the sort of girl who unexpectedly shoves a finger up an unsuspecting asshole, or comes at you from the bedroom wearing a full-body squirrel suit as she asks "Wanna bust a nut?" (And, for record, I do!).
I even love these pictures of a bruised-and-beaten naked Amy with a shiner, messily gorging on a pile of snack cakes. I swear, I don't have a wet and messy fetish. She just looks so dang good all smeared up, don't you agree?
No, I'm not an acrotomophiliac (yet?), but there's something so very deliciously wrong, and, yes, sexy, about a perfectly healthy lady strapping on a prostethic hook-ended arm the way another woman might don, oh, say, pearls. I'm not sure if anything explains Amy's quirky personality better than these pictures.
You
might
have
missed
out
on
that
extra
appendage
so
here
you
go!
And Amy with a killer smile and massive, outta-control pubic hair. It's stuff like this that makes me want to fuck Ms. Sedaris- she unabashedly takes something ugly and deemed non-sexy and turns it into pure raunch, made all the more awesome because you know that she could be made up conventially sexy enough to rival Playboy covers . . . but she won't.
And this handsome man caught with his hand in the cookie jar ...
. . . is Stephen Colbert. Oh, yes. (Special quiz: What's wrong with this picture? Answer: It's these three blond Patriotic chicks with him instead of me with a flag poking out of my bra). He's smart, hilarious, sharp-witted, politically aware, has a fantastic smile, and he is just so very sexy. I want to seduce his nerdy Colbert Report alter-ego (or, alternatively, be bent over and spanked as the recipient of all that righteous anger). Oh yes, I'm proud to be part of the Colbert Nation!
If you think he's just a funny guy and more goofball than sex symbol, take a look at these photos! Rrrawr! This first picture makes me want to fill that wide open void between his legs, very much.
So that's the first edition of "Bisexual Star Fucker". Hope you enjoyed! I'm still trying to get the hang of blog formatting, so bear with me. Happy celebrity daydreaming!
(Comments and feedback are quite welcome).
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