Sunday, September 28, 2008

Why Isn't There More Celebrity Lookalike Porn?

Yes, we are a society consumed by celebrity. Everybody knows their names. Even if you don't want to, and don't know how it happened, you know who cheated on her and who had the secret backyard wedding. And more than anything else, we love drooling over them.

Seems like you can't click one link on the Internet without coming across a celebrity sex tape, which certainly sound titillating, but which have quite a few limitations: shoddy camerawork, a lack [probably] of sex acts you want to see, shoddy camerawork, the stars not exactly looking the way they do in those sexy magazine spreads you jerk off to, oh, and shoddy camerawork.

Unlike Japanese media, where a celebrity may appear in adult videos after having established a career in mainstream TV (see: Kaho Kasumi, for example), it just usually isn't happening in America. Sure, we are moving more towards the mainstream celebrity for porn stars, but the reverse- a well-known Hollywood starlet performing in professional porn- is almost unheard of.

Which makes me wonder- why isn't there more celebrity lookalike porn?

Undoubtedly, there are tons of people out there who either naturally resemble our beloved famous folks, or who, with the right makeup, hair, and outfits, can be fairly passable. Professional impersonators can do amazing work, of course, but I'm simply talking about folks who don't actually use their doppleganger-status as part of their day-to-day careers. How about the secretary who always gets compliments for looking like Britney Spears in the right light, who'd like a little extra cash, and isn't adverse to doing a porn scene?

Virtually everyone, I assume, has, at one point or another, Googled a particular celebrity and found paydirt in the form of images. And celebrities quite frequently bare almost all the goods, whether in 'classy' nearly-nude photo spreads (thanks, PETA!), or unintentional 'nip slips' and paparazzi-caught-me-changing snaps. Actual explicit celebrity photos are either of the ubiquitous sites dedicated to the head-photoshopped-onto-body kind (which quite unfairly rob said nude model and photographer of their copyright) or of the sexy, but rather too in-depth Pixl Porn variety (folks who don't understand would do well to read up on it here. Unfortunately, real nude celebrity lookalikes are rare gems in the sea of fake, photoshopped [and ultimately unsatisfying] images. But what about much-harder-to-manipulate [but very gratifying] video?

These scenes are out there, of course. I've seen some random clips of pretty convincing performances (including a dynamite Christina Aguilera blowjob) . . . that I can never find again. Stumbling upon this remarkable bondage scene with a dead-on Bruce Willis lookalike (just a tad less muscular than the real thing, but other than that, perfect!) brought these thoughts back to mind.

If a fantastic site like Sinful Comics, with its ultra-realistic animated renderings of celebrities, can be alluring, and if the Celebrities section of is bursting full of nearly 4,500 stories (many of which, surprisingly enough, are not of the "You'll never guess what happened the day I, an unsuspecting fan, met Jessica Alba" type), then why not real, flesh-and-blood babes and studs doing naughty things? And why not all collected together?

It must be the budding entrepreneur within me, but I can't think of a better idea than to a create a site dedicated to celebrity lookalikes (with, if able to purchase the rights, other sites' and companies' scenes featuring celebrity lookalikes). Imagine- a one-stop place to find all those faces that are familiar to you and for that reason quite taboo and hot. There you'd be able to take a glimpse into the fictionalized bedroom of Brad and Angelina lookalikes, to see Scarlett and Natalie resolve all that sexual tension. How much fun could be had doing gay scenes with the lookalikes of depressingly straight male celebrities (I mean, regular 'straight guy goes gay' porn is fantastically popular; imagine adding fame to the mix!)? We could all applaud watching "Simon Cowel" get buggered. Your fantasies could come to life, and you'd no longer have to wait, hoping for a grainy celebrity sex tape.

Am I alone in thinking this would sell like hotcakes?

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