Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Opening Pandora's Box

I'm still trying to figure out why I'm so enamored with the website Pandora's Secret's.

I really shouldn't be; it boasts nothing particularly out-of-the-ordinary, in terms of erotica. The basic conceit: people write their fantasies and post them on the site. Boom bada boom. There's nothing more to it than that, and quite honestly, I'm sure other people have been doing it elsewhere long, long ago. And yet I remain hooked.

Maybe it's because I've never actually had the impulse to write down my fantasies before. Oh, I've certainly put pen to paper to write about sexy ideas that get me hot- I am a writer, after all- but when I sit down to write stories, that's exactly what I am: a writer. My erotic stories are carefully crafted in terms of characterization, ambiance, picking out just the right details to accentuate the fucking in my readers' minds. I write to create art, and while it's rewarding, it's incredibly challenging and more than a little non-erotic, struggling to capture the essence of what will make this tryst stand out in the millieu of hundreds of others on sites like Literotica.com (or, in my dreams of getting published, on the shelves at your local bookstore). The pressure, and the perfectionist in me, make writing erotica another chore, albeit one I love far more than going to the bank and Post Office.

But nonetheless, I found myself at Pandora's Secrets- after a curious click on the link from Eros Blog- and decided on a whim to write down a fantasy that consistently and continuously came to me during my solitary sessions. It was short, sweet, and best of all, it felt fantastic. I returned time and time again to read and re-read my fantasy, and then, in the following weeks, to write four more. And I think I've figured out why it's so addictive.

For me, a big part of the appeal is the fact that I am writing for no audience, and yet, at the same time, for an audience. I have nobody I want to impress on Pandorassecrets.com, and the site isn't one of literary erotica. Presumably, nobody is going to criticize my grammar or writing. I am beholden to nobody, and if I decide I want to spend four lengthy paragraphs luxuriating in every minute detail of giving a blowjob- something that, in a real story, would have to be done with particular skill and attention in order not to drag and lose narrative focus- it's perfectly fine. There's no need for an introduction, and the words flow out of my fingers stream-of-consciousness style in the way that only writing without a care in the world can get you (the guiding concept behind the upcoming annual NaNoWriMo as well). And while I might be able to get the same results by writing the exact same thing in a private, and not Web-wide capacity, the idea of an audience acts simultaneously as a motivator. I've left behind started-and-never-visited-again diaries and "personal blogs" because it's so easy to get lazy. Nobody's reading it but me, and it's all in my head anyways, right? The opportunity to put it into a public forum somehow stimulates me to lay my fantasies out where I might otherwise not.

And, of course, there's the sheer, delicious, perverted nature of a fantasy. Or perhaps my fantasies are different. I have many- ranging from celebrities, perverse alternate universes where familiar characters get it on (a.k.a. slash and fanfic), porno-influenced scenes, and . . . people I know. There's nothing quite so naughty as having sexy thoughts about an acquaintance, or even a good friend, because it feels so very real. You know him/her and you know yourself- you can easily plot the interactions between the two of you. And in the same way that a new crush will often be literally hanging off your lips, ready to burst out to the first curious ear, the release of such naughty fantasies is immensely cathartic. Suddenly, it's out there, floating in cyberspace. Your heart pounds giddily at the dizzying thought- what if, just what if, he/she read it and knew it was me writing? Yeah. That's something you can't get from writing fiction, no matter how taboo it gets. I don't know; I talk regularly in various forums about anal sex, incest, threesomes, bukkakes, rape fantasies. I won't say that I'm jaded or immune to the heat generated by the rare, the kinky, the dirty, the 'wrong'. But I've discovered that if I really want to trip my trigger, putting thoughts to paper about my nearest and dearest tends to do the trick, exactly.

So, yeah. If you have some fantasies to unload, try it out. You just might like it!

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