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Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Real Comprehensive Sex Education
I'm getting pretty damn tired of reading about sex-related deaths in the news, especially when, in most cases, it's entirely preventable. And that's what makes it frightening. Even more frightening, however, might be the fact that I'm not talking about sexually transmitted diseases.
As the Center for Disesase Control releases new information that statistics on HIV and AIDS have been underreported and people get up in arms about bettering sex education- something I want very much- I nonetheless start to get a little ancy.
Undoubtedly, more education is always better. And yet I can't help but think that sex education reform- prompted by the CDC's report and these studies which have shown that abstinence-only education doesn't delay sex in teenagers- will change very much.
Yes, there will finally be correct statistics about birth control and more information on preventing the spread of disease. However, the only safety issues facing teenagers are not just these two. Why are we always talking about safe sex only in terms of STD's and pregnancy? People are getting injured- and in some cases even dying- because they are having unsafe sex. And more often than not, this unsafe sex features all the condoms and clean bills of sexual health and latex barriers you could ever want.
There are countless books, magazine articles, websites, and TV shows dedicated to the art of sex help, and the questions about having sex safely (or dealing with the consequences of unsafe sex after the fact) that appear therein are not just about STD's and pregnancy. As people everywhere are exposed to more and more types of kinky fun through TV, movies, and the Internet, they often attempt them with no thought to issues of safety. And that, unfortunately, is how people end up heartbroken, injured, dead, or in jail.
Let me throw up a list of nine potential dangers that are in dire need of discussion and information dissemination:
1) Anal sex. More and more people are doing it- men and women both. And given today's youth's reasoning that anal sex doesn't compromise one's virginity (a whole 'nother can of worms) and erroneous belief that it is 100% pregnancy-proof, it's often the go-to sex for those young and unwed. Nobody is discussing the various, very real dangers of anal sex: the risk of urinary tract infection in men from performing anal sex without a condom, cross-contamination and potential infections from using objects in the vagina that were previously in the anus, using popular numbing lubes to mask warning pain, tears in the anal lining that may become infected and lead to very painful and serious fistulas (particularly in women), and the very ubiquitous emergency room situation wherein something- sex toy or other foreign object- becomes lost in your lower intestine because it didn't have a flared base (or wasn't meant to go up there in the first place).
2) Breath play. While it might seem like an obscure branch of hardcore BDSM, more children and teens are dying than anyone could expect, as the "Choking Game" remains popular, yet is rarely discussed. Erotic asphyxiation often remains a very, very, very dangerous solitary masturbatory aid for many- many times fatal. And perhaps even more frightening for the BDSM practicioner who prides him/herself on safety, the greatest danger of this act is not actually strangulation- most people who die doing this die of a massive heart attack, usually 15 or 20 minutes after they’re done.
3) Porn addiction. Long gone are the days when a teenager's- or even an adult's- porn collection consisted of some occasionally-visited dirty magazines. The Internet's seductive pull means trillions of images and videos are right at your fingertips- a load of media so massive it can become almost confusing and very hard to handle in a reasonable way. More and more kids and teenagers complain of being addicted to porn, and whether it's a true and real psychological addiction or just worried concerns over their constant usage, it's an important issue . . . that nobody is talking about.
4) Pedophilia charges. And no, I'm not talking about overly-hyped "predator" scares that make parents run to block Myspace on their computers. Rather, with cell phone cameras, the glamorous idea of taping your own sex and taking sexual pictures, and the ease of sending such through the medium of the Internet, a big problem has arisen: older teens (16, 17) are taking pictures and video of themselves, provocative, naked, having sex, just like a million other consenting adults. Whether they keep them to themselves or share them with their boyfriends/girlfriends, they are very often unaware that possessing such erotic material is illegal and can get them branded a pedophile, something that can haunt them for the rest of their lives. How can something so potentially dangerous not be warned about?
5) Constriction. And once again, in the trend of Internet-related dangers, here comes that spam e-mail trumpeting that you can get a bigger penis. Combine that with constant cheesy but reputable-looking Enzyte commercials, and guys are (more) worried about their penis size- enough so to seek out penis pumps, to try jelqing, and to otherwise constrict their wangs. Unfortunately, this can lead to rupturing capillaries and blood vessels in the penis, and even internal hemorrhaging that might lead to impotence or Peyronie’s Disease- neither good things, and definitely not something you want happening from a simple wank!
6) BDSM/kink. It's become so mainstream that everybody seems to want to try it, even if it's only lightly tying up their lover and splashing some candle wax on them. Unfortunately, novices are the ones who are bound to make more mistakes- ones that can cause lots of injuries. Using wrong (and common household) materials to bind can end up causing nerve damage, circulation problems can come from positions and not moving enough, the aforementioned breath play can kill someone, and the candles we often have at home- something pink and scented from Bath & Body Works- burn infinitely hotter and blister skin due to their chemicals for color and scents. People who want more intense/extreme acts might go even more dangerous- with the very not-to-be-done-by-amateurs e-stim- and many times die because of it. And, as often comes when participating as the do-er in extreme BDSM acts, you run the risk of causing death . . . and as if that isn't enough, you will probably be convicted and sentenced for your part in it, however unintentional it was.
7) Dangerous masturbation. People love to masturbate, and they love to make it better, sexier, kinkier. Unfortunately, especially when they're underage, teens can't get the safe sex toys to do it. That's when they get the wacky idea to use some unconvential stuff . . . though not only youngsters are doing it. Trips to the emergency room and potential long-term damage (not to mention a ton of embarrassment) await the ill-informed, from sticking your penis into vacuum cleaners or pool water jets, it's going to be bad. And it's not just the boys- one doctor reported a young woman with an acute onset of abdominal pain, who was found to have extensive pneumoperitoneum (i.e. an air embolism), which came from some Jacuzzi jet stimulation. Fortunately, it only gave her some pain- air embolisms can be potentially fatal.
8) Poppers. Schools can't seem to get enough of telling kids to stay away from the drugs- especially ones with very small risks like marijuana. But somehow they seem to gloss over poppers, or amyl nitrate, so often used in the gay community and other progressive sexual communities. Considering how dangerous and degenerative their effects can truly be, I find it apalling.
9) Alternative lifestyles. And no, I'm not talking about the textbook "gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender" cliche. All over the place, kids are getting ideas about trying different arrangements, and yet there is little, if any, discussion about polyamory, something difficult even for the seasoned and informed. As more and more younguns come out and identify as bisexual, they are often confronted with the possibility of threesomes and polyamory, and it's truly complex. Why isn't such advice about handling emotions and fostering communication about this given alongside that for two-party relationships?
I look forward to sex education getting a little bit better, but I'd much rather overthrow the whole thing and start from scratch- Carol Queen and the Center for Sex & Culture sending out licensed sexologists to discuss not only those issues of STD's and pregnancy, but all of the ways that sex can be made safer.
As the Center for Disesase Control releases new information that statistics on HIV and AIDS have been underreported and people get up in arms about bettering sex education- something I want very much- I nonetheless start to get a little ancy.
Undoubtedly, more education is always better. And yet I can't help but think that sex education reform- prompted by the CDC's report and these studies which have shown that abstinence-only education doesn't delay sex in teenagers- will change very much.
Yes, there will finally be correct statistics about birth control and more information on preventing the spread of disease. However, the only safety issues facing teenagers are not just these two. Why are we always talking about safe sex only in terms of STD's and pregnancy? People are getting injured- and in some cases even dying- because they are having unsafe sex. And more often than not, this unsafe sex features all the condoms and clean bills of sexual health and latex barriers you could ever want.
There are countless books, magazine articles, websites, and TV shows dedicated to the art of sex help, and the questions about having sex safely (or dealing with the consequences of unsafe sex after the fact) that appear therein are not just about STD's and pregnancy. As people everywhere are exposed to more and more types of kinky fun through TV, movies, and the Internet, they often attempt them with no thought to issues of safety. And that, unfortunately, is how people end up heartbroken, injured, dead, or in jail.
Let me throw up a list of nine potential dangers that are in dire need of discussion and information dissemination:
1) Anal sex. More and more people are doing it- men and women both. And given today's youth's reasoning that anal sex doesn't compromise one's virginity (a whole 'nother can of worms) and erroneous belief that it is 100% pregnancy-proof, it's often the go-to sex for those young and unwed. Nobody is discussing the various, very real dangers of anal sex: the risk of urinary tract infection in men from performing anal sex without a condom, cross-contamination and potential infections from using objects in the vagina that were previously in the anus, using popular numbing lubes to mask warning pain, tears in the anal lining that may become infected and lead to very painful and serious fistulas (particularly in women), and the very ubiquitous emergency room situation wherein something- sex toy or other foreign object- becomes lost in your lower intestine because it didn't have a flared base (or wasn't meant to go up there in the first place).
2) Breath play. While it might seem like an obscure branch of hardcore BDSM, more children and teens are dying than anyone could expect, as the "Choking Game" remains popular, yet is rarely discussed. Erotic asphyxiation often remains a very, very, very dangerous solitary masturbatory aid for many- many times fatal. And perhaps even more frightening for the BDSM practicioner who prides him/herself on safety, the greatest danger of this act is not actually strangulation- most people who die doing this die of a massive heart attack, usually 15 or 20 minutes after they’re done.
3) Porn addiction. Long gone are the days when a teenager's- or even an adult's- porn collection consisted of some occasionally-visited dirty magazines. The Internet's seductive pull means trillions of images and videos are right at your fingertips- a load of media so massive it can become almost confusing and very hard to handle in a reasonable way. More and more kids and teenagers complain of being addicted to porn, and whether it's a true and real psychological addiction or just worried concerns over their constant usage, it's an important issue . . . that nobody is talking about.
4) Pedophilia charges. And no, I'm not talking about overly-hyped "predator" scares that make parents run to block Myspace on their computers. Rather, with cell phone cameras, the glamorous idea of taping your own sex and taking sexual pictures, and the ease of sending such through the medium of the Internet, a big problem has arisen: older teens (16, 17) are taking pictures and video of themselves, provocative, naked, having sex, just like a million other consenting adults. Whether they keep them to themselves or share them with their boyfriends/girlfriends, they are very often unaware that possessing such erotic material is illegal and can get them branded a pedophile, something that can haunt them for the rest of their lives. How can something so potentially dangerous not be warned about?
5) Constriction. And once again, in the trend of Internet-related dangers, here comes that spam e-mail trumpeting that you can get a bigger penis. Combine that with constant cheesy but reputable-looking Enzyte commercials, and guys are (more) worried about their penis size- enough so to seek out penis pumps, to try jelqing, and to otherwise constrict their wangs. Unfortunately, this can lead to rupturing capillaries and blood vessels in the penis, and even internal hemorrhaging that might lead to impotence or Peyronie’s Disease- neither good things, and definitely not something you want happening from a simple wank!
6) BDSM/kink. It's become so mainstream that everybody seems to want to try it, even if it's only lightly tying up their lover and splashing some candle wax on them. Unfortunately, novices are the ones who are bound to make more mistakes- ones that can cause lots of injuries. Using wrong (and common household) materials to bind can end up causing nerve damage, circulation problems can come from positions and not moving enough, the aforementioned breath play can kill someone, and the candles we often have at home- something pink and scented from Bath & Body Works- burn infinitely hotter and blister skin due to their chemicals for color and scents. People who want more intense/extreme acts might go even more dangerous- with the very not-to-be-done-by-amateurs e-stim- and many times die because of it. And, as often comes when participating as the do-er in extreme BDSM acts, you run the risk of causing death . . . and as if that isn't enough, you will probably be convicted and sentenced for your part in it, however unintentional it was.
7) Dangerous masturbation. People love to masturbate, and they love to make it better, sexier, kinkier. Unfortunately, especially when they're underage, teens can't get the safe sex toys to do it. That's when they get the wacky idea to use some unconvential stuff . . . though not only youngsters are doing it. Trips to the emergency room and potential long-term damage (not to mention a ton of embarrassment) await the ill-informed, from sticking your penis into vacuum cleaners or pool water jets, it's going to be bad. And it's not just the boys- one doctor reported a young woman with an acute onset of abdominal pain, who was found to have extensive pneumoperitoneum (i.e. an air embolism), which came from some Jacuzzi jet stimulation. Fortunately, it only gave her some pain- air embolisms can be potentially fatal.
8) Poppers. Schools can't seem to get enough of telling kids to stay away from the drugs- especially ones with very small risks like marijuana. But somehow they seem to gloss over poppers, or amyl nitrate, so often used in the gay community and other progressive sexual communities. Considering how dangerous and degenerative their effects can truly be, I find it apalling.
9) Alternative lifestyles. And no, I'm not talking about the textbook "gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender" cliche. All over the place, kids are getting ideas about trying different arrangements, and yet there is little, if any, discussion about polyamory, something difficult even for the seasoned and informed. As more and more younguns come out and identify as bisexual, they are often confronted with the possibility of threesomes and polyamory, and it's truly complex. Why isn't such advice about handling emotions and fostering communication about this given alongside that for two-party relationships?
I look forward to sex education getting a little bit better, but I'd much rather overthrow the whole thing and start from scratch- Carol Queen and the Center for Sex & Culture sending out licensed sexologists to discuss not only those issues of STD's and pregnancy, but all of the ways that sex can be made safer.
Friday, April 4, 2008
No Shelter From The Storm: Transphobia Rears Its Ugly Head
I know I should be happier.There's a pregnant transman all over the news (Google 'pregnant man') and I should be jumping for joy. Yay for trans visibility! More yay for pregnant transman visibility! Mega yay for the ever-magical process known as childbirth, and the knowledge that a child will grow up in such a tolerant and loving home.
And then I go anywhere on the Internet and my smile droops, my energy drops, and I almost want to cry.
From simple statements of "freak", referrals to daddy-to-be Thomas Beatie as 'it' or, perhaps even worse, as 'she', all the way to arguments about what constitutes a man (general consensus seems to be: penis), anywhere where anyone can make a statement, they're making it. I know that these are growing pangs of a transphobic society getting exposed to novel concepts, and that there's not going to be instant acceptance, and yet I wasn't ready for the hate. I was reading some comments on some post or another and someone had written about forgetting that we queers (gender queers, sexual queers, hell, even just cultural queers) have become accustomed to living in a warm, loving, and most importantly, insulated GLBT communities where acceptance and tolerance reign supreme and our collected numbers allow us to laugh off the bashers and homo- or trans-phobes who come calling with their bigotry and Bible-thumpin'. So it's a terrible shock when something is offered to mainstream society at large- because suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork to offer their opinion . . . and the most vehement and prevalent seem to be the hate-mongers.
And it hurts. I try to pretend that it doesn't, but God, it does. I'm not even trans, and yet I cringe, I look at what people have to say, and I know that I could never even begin to answer every negative comment, to give them thumbs down (Youtube), report them (Yahoo! Answers) or simply respond. I feel myself drowning in a sea of animosity and misunderstanding, and I am thrown into a fury at the number of people who preface each of their comments with "I totally support gays and lesbians and all that, but this . . .". People seem so anxious to scream out "That's not a man!", and I wonder why they're so scared, what plucking-the-wings-off-flies sort of person they must be when they assert over and over again "WOMAN" and use female pronouns with a mean sort of glee. The anger fades and it's simply replaced with exhaustion. I don't want to fight it, I feel like I can't, and I'm depressed because of it. The only tiny thing that manages to bring life to my spirits is watching the Youtube clip of Thomas seeing the ultrasound of his daughter- that mixture of amazement and love on his face brings me back to the real issue here, which is the beauty of giving birth to a child, and of gorgeous, miraculous transman pregnancy.
Having written that (and somewhat calmed and salved my soul), I would like to address some of the statements that I see written and the questions I hear asked. Sidestepping the obvious bigots, here's something for the other people:
* "Wow, the first pregnant man!". Sorry, everyone. I don't know who's spreading this information, but Thomas Beatie is definitely not the first pregnant transman. Transguys have been having babies for quite a while now, and I hope that in light of the media's attention on this that maybe they can drum up some families willing to step forward and show their normal lives. But even if they don't, we really need to cut with the "first pregnant man" bit. Matt Rice, partner of my fave author and sex activist Pat Califia, gave birth quite a while ago. Not too long ago, transman photographer Kael T. Block posted a gorgeous photograph of a pregnant James (who is now the proud father of a healthy, bouncing baby girl):
* "Wow, the first pregnant man!". Sorry, everyone. I don't know who's spreading this information, but Thomas Beatie is definitely not the first pregnant transman. Transguys have been having babies for quite a while now, and I hope that in light of the media's attention on this that maybe they can drum up some families willing to step forward and show their normal lives. But even if they don't, we really need to cut with the "first pregnant man" bit. Matt Rice, partner of my fave author and sex activist Pat Califia, gave birth quite a while ago. Not too long ago, transman photographer Kael T. Block posted a gorgeous photograph of a pregnant James (who is now the proud father of a healthy, bouncing baby girl):
* "Isn't the baby going to be messed up because of the hormones?". Nope. In order to actually menstruate so they can even get pregnant, transmen must necessarily stop their male hormones. Beatie had been off of hormones for two years before getting pregnant- that baby will be just fine.
* "What about breastfeeding?". What about it? Not every mother chooses to breastfeed her baby, and *many* do so through bottled formula. People who are getting in a hussy over this at least ought to get in a hussy over other women not breastfeeding. There are simply many options for someone who chooses not to- including using formula or having another woman breastfeed the child.
* "It takes hormones and cuts its hair but still keeps the female reproductive organs? Talk about selfish!". This is the weirdest comment that I keep on seeing . . . it's as though people think that Thomas is being some kind of odd transman for still having his uterus and reproductive organs. I think this boils down to ignorance and a lack of understanding about female-to-male transsexuality and surgical options today . . . there are many transmen who have all their inner workings still intact, whether because they want it (possibly for future pregnancy, or other reasons), because it's prohibitively expensive or dangerous, or heck, simply because IT DOESN'T MATTER TO THEM. These people seem to think that if you're going to be a man, you have to give up all options relegated to females. My response: 1) "Why?", and 2) sounds like someone's jealous!
* "That's not a man.". Huh. Debatable, I suppose. I could write hundreds of thousands of words on this topic and never be finished. What makes an individual a certain gender is a highly complex question, and for almost every person's claim, I can make a powerful counterargument (if a man must have a penis, does that mean that men who have lost theirs in combat or accidents are now women? or if claim that only XY chromosomal individuals are men, you better damn well be ready to prove to me that you get a guarantee on a dude's genetic makeup before you make any gender decision about him). I only wish that instead of people simply screaming "Man!" and "Not a man!" back and forth that we could open the dialogue and start asking deep-seated questions about gender and our own prejudices. Until then, respect the law (Thomas is legally recognized as a man), and more importantly, respect his feelings. As my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice (and calling someone something that will insult and hurt them definitely ain't nice), don't say anything at all.
* "That's a woman.". All I have to say to this is: okay . . . so you'd sleep with her? I'd like to see what kind of ladies these people are hanging around, because where I come from, women do not have beards, deep voices, male names, and they do not identify as men. Beatie is a man, or, if we must get really precise, a transman. For anyone who simply refuses to call him a man because he is pregnant or for whatever reason, I challenge them to deny that he is a transman.
* "Yeah, how are they going to explain that to the kid? Actually I'm your daddy but I gave birth to you . . .". Oh, I know. And God, can you imagine those crazy single-parent families where the parent has to try to explain where the kid came from? And those divorced freaks? Oh, and man, adopted kids! (Heavy, dripping sarcasm). Families come in so many different ways, and just because it's different doesn't mean kids will have a hard time understanding it. I think it's brilliant.
* "She thinks she's a man because she grew up without a mom.". Yeah, I heard him talk about that on Oprah, too. If only people could hear from a broad spectrum of transmen- the ones who had strong feminine presences in life and still happened to be trans. Drop the discussions of "she's a confused woman" and freaking listen to what he's saying; what he's feeling. The common way to take power away from anyone is to question their mental faculties- it's happened time and time before.
* "You don't mess with what God gave you.". Hah. Which is why we never do things like repair cleft lips or other disfigurements, or administer medicine when people are sick- because that's God's will that they have such things, or die from their disease. Right? I'm not all that religious, but I can tell you that we certainly intervene all the time in what was naturally given to us. You don't get to use that argument until you're living an all-natural life.
And there's probably tons more, but I'm tired (and getting more depressed yet again browsing online for stuff to respond to). The fact of the matter is that Thomas Beatie has done something amazing- and the least of it is being a pregnant man. It is about stepping up and making his story known, and regardless of what his motives are, it's definitely shaking the world up (a great thing) and letting people know of the possibilities that are out there- of transsexuality, of living openly and bravely. Amen to that.
Congratulations, Thomas and Nancy. Let's hope the forces of love and tolerance and at least the seeking of understanding prevail, so I can be happy again.
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