Posts
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The World's First Gay Porn Sitcom
I think I'm in love. With gay porn sitcoms, that is! I'll tell you all about it after the jump.Really, as I compulsively watch the previews and just drool over the website, I'm starting to realize that Dirty Tricks TV is exactly what I've been missing all my life. I mean, I love sitcoms and humor (I'd be willing to wager that 95% of my television viewing comes with canned laughter or a live studio audience). I also really, really love gay porn. Yet I never thought to combine the two.
Thank goodness the guys behind The Sword were more creative and ambitious than me! Now they can boast that they have "the world's first gay porn sitcom!", and I must agree. I've never seen anything like it. It's not that humor is absent in the porn world (please, sitcom spoofs are the hottest commodity since "Not The Brady's"!), but a movie is simply quite different from a sitcom. Recurring characters! Funny set-ups that don't have to last an entire hour! A constant stream of "guest stars" for variety!
I have yet to watch an entire episode to see how they blend the porn with the not-porn, but taken separately, the two both seem stellar- the sex is hot, the not-sex looks funny as hell. Oh, and there's Crazy James of "Big Brother" fame, even though I never watched the show. But apparently people do.
Anyways, I'm totally loving this concept- it's Crash Pad-y in its serial nature, but one-ups it with humor and an attempt at a storyline (not knocking CPS, mind you, since hidden camera format kind of hampers how much story you can realistically mete out). Now I'm just trying to figure out whether the 2-disc 12-episode DVD with over 4 hours of action is worth the $50.00 they're charging for it. Hmm.
Anyways, watch the trailer:
And the outtakes:
Oh, and speaking of porn sitcoms, did you know that Seth Rogen is planning on continuing the porny streak started by "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" with a sitcom on Showtime? It's supposed to be about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop. It could be great or it could completely suck. Only time will tell, I guess.
In the meantime I'll stick with Dirty Tricks- a show that can kill two birds with one stone by making me laugh and cum. Hooray!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
We Are Animals, We Have Urges
There are so many reasons why I love Alan Cumming (the accent! that smile! the bisexuality! the activism! the sex appeal, oh god, the sex appeal!), but this new Trojan condom ad is the icing on the cake, another reason to love him. Seriously, any monogamy pledges I make to my partners will necessarily come with an asterisk (*Exempt should Alan Cumming want to fuck me.). And, fantasizing that the commercial is true, who knows? Anyways, enough rambling.
It's sexy and honest, diverse, racial, gender, and sexual orientation-wise, and, yes, it has Alan. Not to mention that it's nice to see someone tackling the abstinence-message head-on; there's no apology for the sex, but a proud love of it.
Bravo, Trojan and Alan!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Holy Shit
This is not a picture blog, but damn.
Allow me to introduce Veronica Vanoza, Czech hottie. Unfortunately the bald and short hair thing was short-lived and she returned to the land of long hair and porny makeup. :(
Allow me to introduce Veronica Vanoza, Czech hottie. Unfortunately the bald and short hair thing was short-lived and she returned to the land of long hair and porny makeup. :(
Friday, January 9, 2009
Conscientious Porn
For once, I'm not talking about company ethics, treatment of models, or safe sex procedures . . . no, the conscientiousness that I'm talking about is in the content of the porn.
I was quite surprised by this video ("Solutions To Road Rage") today:
Most fantastic, is it not? I find it highly amusing how well our dedicated punisher keeps up his role throughout the spanking (lest we, or the perp, forget what he did to deserve it or not learn his lesson!). And the beginning tale about the woman and her child who died was actually quite a serious matter- especially in gay porn.
So much BDSM porn is full of "bad boys" and "bad girls" who "need to be punished", but their crimes are never listed. Or it's often really silly things for temperamental dommes to get angry about- being caught sniffing her panties, say, or being too cocky. And even then, it seems to be more of an excuse to get to punishing and sex than anything else, quickly forgotten.
Is "Solutions To Road Rage" the beginning of a new trend in BDSM porn? Will we get to see some real pain (and redemptive pleasure) given to those who truly deserve it? My mind is dizzy with the prospects: litterbugs pelted with garbage while tied up by a highway patrol cop, EPA dommes drilling the ass of the man in charge of the environmentally irresponsible oil drillers, vandals and taggers branded, marked up and paraded around publicly on leashes covered in humiliating Sharpie messages, arsonists subjected to fire play, puppy play for animal abusers, and more creative punishments for offenders committing misdemeanors.
It's certainly got to be better than one of the latest summaries from Guys Get Fucked:
George was hitting on his girlfriend Betsy's friends and it didn't take long to get back to her. When she heard that he's a lying cheat, Betsy wanted to kick him out on the street, but her friend Vanessa had a kinky idea. She brought over her dildos and when George came home she gave him a strip tease. He thought he was going to fuck them both, but he soon realized those dildos were meant for his ass!
Really? Cheating is, like, so 2008. Porn featuring punishment for tailgaters, complete with educational lessons about road rage, on the other hand, is rockin' the new year out.
I was quite surprised by this video ("Solutions To Road Rage") today:
Most fantastic, is it not? I find it highly amusing how well our dedicated punisher keeps up his role throughout the spanking (lest we, or the perp, forget what he did to deserve it or not learn his lesson!). And the beginning tale about the woman and her child who died was actually quite a serious matter- especially in gay porn.
So much BDSM porn is full of "bad boys" and "bad girls" who "need to be punished", but their crimes are never listed. Or it's often really silly things for temperamental dommes to get angry about- being caught sniffing her panties, say, or being too cocky. And even then, it seems to be more of an excuse to get to punishing and sex than anything else, quickly forgotten.
Is "Solutions To Road Rage" the beginning of a new trend in BDSM porn? Will we get to see some real pain (and redemptive pleasure) given to those who truly deserve it? My mind is dizzy with the prospects: litterbugs pelted with garbage while tied up by a highway patrol cop, EPA dommes drilling the ass of the man in charge of the environmentally irresponsible oil drillers, vandals and taggers branded, marked up and paraded around publicly on leashes covered in humiliating Sharpie messages, arsonists subjected to fire play, puppy play for animal abusers, and more creative punishments for offenders committing misdemeanors.
It's certainly got to be better than one of the latest summaries from Guys Get Fucked:
George was hitting on his girlfriend Betsy's friends and it didn't take long to get back to her. When she heard that he's a lying cheat, Betsy wanted to kick him out on the street, but her friend Vanessa had a kinky idea. She brought over her dildos and when George came home she gave him a strip tease. He thought he was going to fuck them both, but he soon realized those dildos were meant for his ass!
Really? Cheating is, like, so 2008. Porn featuring punishment for tailgaters, complete with educational lessons about road rage, on the other hand, is rockin' the new year out.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Between The Lines: What Norah Vincent's New Book Really Has To Tell Us
Never-boring author Norah Vincent has penned a new book that's quite controversial. But its most fascinating revelation seems to be mostly ignored. I'll discuss after the jump.
I remember reading Norah Vincent's book Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back back when it first came out. I was fascinated by the tale. In it, Norah dressed herself in male disguise as Ned and went undercover in a all-male bowling team, reporting on such masculine rituals as visits to the strip club, forays into the dating scene, working a high-pressure sales job, and living in a cloistered monastery (well, okay, so maybe that one isn't a typical male experience, but the rest certainly are). In some ways, her findings felt a little boring and cliche, at least to me (and probably anyone with a basic gender studies background). But it also managed to touch me on another level, as Norah spilled out her guts in a way I've rarely seen in other books. I actually felt concerned for her as I read: her mental anguish at lying to her new friends, having to conceal her real self, took a huge emotional toll. (Note: I still think it's an incredible book for this reason alone- anybody who thinks critical analyses of masculinity or maleness in our culture has to be cold, dry, academic and misandrist would do well to pick it up and be charmed by and worried for Norah and her sympathetic, in-depth portrayals of the men she came to know.) But by far the real hook of the book was less on what she discovered, and more about what she underwent in her sociological experiment.
Now Norah has written a new book, Voluntary Madness: My Year Lost and Found in the Loony Bin, which chronicles what happened after her last book. The book, as the title proclaims, follows her year in the loony bin, but is not quite a memoir: she goes on to compare and contrast her institutionalization at three different facilities and evaluate the entire psychiatric profession, with the help of illustrative tales from her anonymous fellow patients.
Already the book is making waves and garnering tons of criticism, as the reviews and commentary fills up with the stories of upset sufferers of mental illnesses who are angered over Vincent's denunciation of medication, and the somewhat more valid critiques regarding the purity of her intentions and the ethics behind it. I can already see that it will be violently debated in the psychiatric community and by those who do- or choose not to- take medication or seek therapy.
But when I saw that she'd written a new book and read the blurb, my first thought hearkened back to "Self-Made Man" and the mood that permeated its final chapters. Apparently my concern for the author wasn't misplaced at all. And while it's possible that it's included in the book, I have a feeling that was actually caused Norah's depression will be glossed over in an opening explanation, and never returned to again. The gem that I pull out of the entire thing is not about mental illness and psychiatry at all, but in her answer to a question posed in an interview by The Advocate:
Q: What was it about living as a man that pulled your psyche apart at the seams?
A: It was emotionally exhausting to be an impostor, and also an impostor of the opposite sex. That’s what most transsexuals feel before they make the transition. When I started, I’d thought that gender had to do with costumes and haircuts. I didn’t understand that there was some mental component of how you view yourself in terms of gender that’s deeply embedded in your brain and that you can’t just pull that out and not expect trouble. (emphasis mine)
But neither of Vincent's books are treatises on gender and transsexuality; Self-Made Man focuses mostly on her observations and not her internal experiences, and Voluntary Madness focuses on the general dysfunction of the mental health business. Lost in the controversy of each is the compelling tale of how being forced into the wrong gender (whether by birth or so you write a book) can literally make you go insane. At a time when some studies indicate that the rate of attempted suicide for transgender youth is higher than 50%, and when the general public's understanding of transsexuality is vastly misunderstood, it really is a point we can't afford to let be lost. The Advocate, as a GLBTQ magazine, managed to ask this crucial question. But no other news pieces that I've seen, not NPR, not U.S. News, not the Chicago Sun Times, not even the lesbian site AfterEllen.com has thought to follow that angle whatsoever. For them, the only links between her current and last book are their similar style of firsthand account investigative immersion reporting.
In the end, I really would like to read this new book . . . but I'm somewhat sad knowing that nobody [else] will capitalize on the fascinating and affirming phenomenon of a non-trans voice giving credence to the trans movement.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Whaddya Mean, Male Pornstars Like Girl-On-Girl Action?
I find it quite weird that I'm blogging yet again about Lindsay Lohan, but she's in the news and I find it significant, ergo, here goes.Apparently over the Christmas break, BBC broadcast a radio show with DJ Spoony and legendary porn star Ron Jeremy, offering up "The Most Annoying People Of 2008" with all sorts of commentary thrown in there. Now it's being accused of being homophobic and sexist.
The heinous words spoken?
From Spoony: "Let the munters and mingers get each other - that's cool because no-one really wants them. But when they're hot and fit and Hollywood superstars, they should be saved for guys."
From Ron: "These two girls are very good-looking. I would love to be in the middle of that: They will do each other, do me, do each other, do me, back and forth. All of a sudden, you do a pop and it is over. The polite thing to do is to pop on both of them. Men are wishing they could be with her and change her mind, thinking 'Yeah, she is a lesbian now because she never met me.'" (I'd also throw in there that Ron said in May of 2008 that he'd like to see Lindsay Lohan's sex tape, and there was no hullabaloo over that).
Granted, Spoony's British slang sounds all homophobicky at first, since I've no idea what a munter or a minger is. Urban Dictionary tells me they are essentially ugly women, not even a reference to unattractive lesbians a la the American "bulldyke" or some such. It's still incredibly offensive, but I have to ask- what do you expect?
Seriously- what the hell do you expect? I can't believe that people are "shocked" by these guys repeating what is blatantly pushed at us from nearly every media source: that lesbianism isn't a real orientation, that lesbian sex is not "real sex" (whatever that means), that women are essentially around for men's pleasure, and that lesbian and bisexual couples are incredibly open to inviting men into their beds and relationships. If all the porn that you see portrays lesbian and bisexual women in such a way, you're going to get a certain mindset. Then you can tell yourself "Nah, it's just porn, that's not real life.", but then the mainstream media tells you pretty much the same thing. These aren't two crass individuals out of touch with society (as, say, Don Imus was). This is a clear and perfect example of how in-touch with a national heterosexual mindset as could possibly be.
And as for Ron Jeremy's "graphic" statements, which for a porn star, show a remarkable restraint in the language!, I'm curious as to how it would go over if a lesbian commentator talked about how she wanted to be in a threesome with the girls and squirt all over both of them. Of course, it'd still be a big issue over indecency, but would gay rights activists be furious about it? Or would they celebrate it? How about if an all-girl radio show lamented the fact that, as we've heard so many times "all the good guys are gay" and "what a waste it is that he's gay" and "smart, handsome guys like that should be saved for us girls!". I might be wrong, but I'm betting there'd be little fanfare over such a statement.
I'm not saying it isn't a little crude. I'm not saying it's respectful and sweet (although, really, when you're calling out "The Most Annoying People Of 2008", the whole thing really isn't that respectful, right?). What I'm saying is that I have pretty much the exact same fantasy as Ron Jeremy, and if I got the chance to put that offer out there on the air waves, you better believe I'd do it in a heartbeat. Why does that make me a delightfully sexually liberated woman, but Ron Jeremy is a "sexist pig"?
Jiz Lee has been writing some very provocative stuff of late addressing that whole well-worn issue of "the male gaze", wherein straight guys fetishize lesbianism, and, according to a legion of old-school feminists, take away queer women's power and exploits them and yada yada yada. Jiz's take on it- that the gender of the people jerking off to you in fact can give you more power- is rather refreshing. I utterly agree, and, moreover, find it pretty damn cool that Ron Jeremy wants to roll in the hay with not just feminine Lindsay but also boyish or even butch Sam. It's a nice confirmation that genderfucky women are sexually attractive (not that we needed Ron Jeremy or any man to tell US that). And this isn't Ron Jeremy pulling strings and making fake G/G porn . . . it's commentary on two real-life women in a relationship. He can't rob them of their power by telling people he imagines three-ways with them.
I was quite interested when I clicked on the headlines, but in the end, this is pretty weak tea. Yes, it's offensive to say that fit and sexy women should be saved for the men. But my jaw's not on the ground at the supposed "blatant homophobia and sexism". I'm still slack-jawed at the idea that people can't see that this is all around them, that there is a pervasive attitude that creates comments like DJ Spoony's in its mildest cases and rape in its most horrific.
But of course this radio broadcast won't be framed like that- because how can you vilify an entire culture? Who would you call out? Gay rights activists will denounce it, lesbians will call Ron Jeremy a pig (but praise Pat Califia for fantasizing about gay men). And we will take our two scapegoats who said what a good deal of men would agree with, and hang them out to dry. Ugh.
I'll end with this: for me the most offensive aspect about the whole thing is the fact that Ron Jeremy would like to have a threesome with two people he agrees are some of "the most annoying people of 2008". Sex with someone whose personality you find completely repulsive is apparently not half as bad as graphically lusting after lesbians.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Toy Reivew: Zeus Electrogasm
Erotic electrostimulation is classified as extreme, fetish, or, in BDSM terminology, edgeplay. And the majority of porn tends to portray it as just that: websites like Electricity Play and Wired Pussy are BDSM-oriented in nature, emphasizing the pain and torture aspect of electricity. But there is a softer side to electroplay, and that was what I was after when I ordered the Zeus Electrogasm from Extreme Restraints. Different in its small, self-contained, standalone design (most e-stim toys' pads or dildos are attached by wires to an external power source) and sold for only $39.95, the Zeus Electrogasm was simply too good an offer to pass up, particularly since most other equipment goes for $200 or more and looks like it requires a good deal of expertise to use properly. I was far too curious about pleasurable female e-stim to not buy it. While material depicting or describing men enjoying erotic, non-BDSM e-stim is incredibly prevalent, it's fairly impossible to find its female corollary. So, trying to put ideas of electrocution out of my head, I went ahead with my order to put it to the test and provide a female perspective on erotic electricity.
(It would seem I'm not alone, either: Extreme Restraints generously offered up five Zeus Electrogasms for Fetlife's Kinky Christmas Stocking Giveaway. A good deal of the current 290 Google search results for the product are clearly part of the list of stocking goodies.)
The toy comes complete with two tab batteries (one for the toy and one replacement) and fairly simple and comprehensive instructions. The toy can be used anywhere on the body below the waist (e-stim above the waist is possible, but very dangerous and not advised, considering a shock to the heart could result in cardiac arrest). It's unisex, and although all pictures feature the Electrogasm on the pussy or asshole, presumably the butterfly wings could be wrapped around a cock just as easily. There are three buttons: "ON", which turns the toy on as well as increases the intensity one level each time it is pressed, "OFF", which decreases the intensity one level each time it is pressed until it is off, and "MODE", which switches the modes and patterns of stimulation. Even though there are four lights on the toy, there are in fact six modes or patterns of stimulation. The Extreme Restraints website, oddly enough, lists only five- tapping, rhythmical kneading ("like a massage", deep kneading ("like being sexually fucked from within"), pressing, and continuous press. There is indeed tapping in the first setting. The second setting is a short burst of buzzing. The third (which lights up both the #1 and #2 buttons) is a longer burst of buzzing that crescendos in intensity slightly. The fourth setting (which lights up the #3 button), is a mixture of various modes, shifting between all those described. The fifth setting (which lights up the #4 button) is essentially the same as the fourth setting, except that every sensation lasts a little longer before switching. And the last setting (which lights up the #3 and #4 buttons) is a continuous buzz that doesn't stop or change in intensity. While there's nice variety of sensations, massages or getting fucked from within simply aren't a part of them. If the electrodes (i.e. the wings) were farther apart, it might feel more like a massage, but that isn't the case. And the internal fucking is more of a result you get from using electrified insertable toys. The Extreme Restraints website says there are five levels of intensity, while the Zeus Electrosex website says there are ten; although I couldn't test it directly (as explained below), it does have ten levels. The toy automatically shuts off after fifteen minutes, which can be a little disconcerting while in mid-use. But when you turn it on, it automatically goes back to the last mode you had it on (though it always begins at the lowest intensity). And in a very nice addition, the toy doesn't automatically start up when you press the "ON" button; you can change the mode before electricity actually starts transmitting, just in case you don't want to have to feel whatever it was last set to. A second press of "ON" will have you happily buzzing away.
And here is a quick demonstration of the remote-controlled version of the toy, from the Zeus website itself. Though they mention the silence, it should be noted that the buzzing at the beginning and end are obviously for effect, and not the sounds of the toy itself.
The toy comes complete with two tab batteries (one for the toy and one replacement) and fairly simple and comprehensive instructions. The toy can be used anywhere on the body below the waist (e-stim above the waist is possible, but very dangerous and not advised, considering a shock to the heart could result in cardiac arrest). It's unisex, and although all pictures feature the Electrogasm on the pussy or asshole, presumably the butterfly wings could be wrapped around a cock just as easily. There are three buttons: "ON", which turns the toy on as well as increases the intensity one level each time it is pressed, "OFF", which decreases the intensity one level each time it is pressed until it is off, and "MODE", which switches the modes and patterns of stimulation. Even though there are four lights on the toy, there are in fact six modes or patterns of stimulation. The Extreme Restraints website, oddly enough, lists only five- tapping, rhythmical kneading ("like a massage", deep kneading ("like being sexually fucked from within"), pressing, and continuous press. There is indeed tapping in the first setting. The second setting is a short burst of buzzing. The third (which lights up both the #1 and #2 buttons) is a longer burst of buzzing that crescendos in intensity slightly. The fourth setting (which lights up the #3 button), is a mixture of various modes, shifting between all those described. The fifth setting (which lights up the #4 button) is essentially the same as the fourth setting, except that every sensation lasts a little longer before switching. And the last setting (which lights up the #3 and #4 buttons) is a continuous buzz that doesn't stop or change in intensity. While there's nice variety of sensations, massages or getting fucked from within simply aren't a part of them. If the electrodes (i.e. the wings) were farther apart, it might feel more like a massage, but that isn't the case. And the internal fucking is more of a result you get from using electrified insertable toys. The Extreme Restraints website says there are five levels of intensity, while the Zeus Electrosex website says there are ten; although I couldn't test it directly (as explained below), it does have ten levels. The toy automatically shuts off after fifteen minutes, which can be a little disconcerting while in mid-use. But when you turn it on, it automatically goes back to the last mode you had it on (though it always begins at the lowest intensity). And in a very nice addition, the toy doesn't automatically start up when you press the "ON" button; you can change the mode before electricity actually starts transmitting, just in case you don't want to have to feel whatever it was last set to. A second press of "ON" will have you happily buzzing away.
And here is a quick demonstration of the remote-controlled version of the toy, from the Zeus website itself. Though they mention the silence, it should be noted that the buzzing at the beginning and end are obviously for effect, and not the sounds of the toy itself.
But what does it feel like? That's the question that most people have, so I'll try to explain it as best I can. Though the buzzing is comparable to the sort of vibration you can find in many other sex toys, I will say that it is different enough to warrant trying it out. In some ways it feels less like something buzzing on your skin, and more like your skin itself is vibrating (which, technically, it is!). The higher the intensity, the less vibrator-like the feeling becomes and more, I suppose, like electricity, where you can feel an almost pulling or pinching going on. In addition, the feeling in the tapping mode is one you just can't get anywhere else; I know of no toys that can provide it. Since this is my first e-stim toy, I can't help in comparing it to other models in terms of intensity. I will say, however, that it surprised me in how strong it was. I never managed to get beyond the fifth level, because it simply was too much for me. (Though let it be known, for the record, that I have a notoriously low pain threshold). The first and second levels were pleasurable for me, and beyond that, it became more painful, or, in the case of the taps, more shocking. In essence, it can feel pleasurable or painful. For people curious about how electroplay feels, the Zeus Electrogasm is cheap enough that you won't feel too bad if it turns out to not be for you. But I have a feeling most people will like e-stim . . . the only question remains how much they'll like it.
Anybody thinking that the electricity will instantly zap them to orgasmic pleasure is probably wrong. It's not that it isn't possible, but there are a couple of things to consider. E-stim novices aren't used to the sensation of electricity (except as something painful and to be feared/avoided). What that means is that while the soft buzzes might feel fun, new, and eminently cool, "erotic" might not be the word used initially to describe it. When I first put it on my pussy and turned it on, I was actually reminded of my first try with a vibrator- it tickled! The feeling was enjoyable, but it never felt like it was going to take me to, or really anywhere near, orgasm, at least not without some additional help. In order to enjoy it erotically, you're going to have to train your body and brain to respond sexually to the sensation. And even, then, you might need another source of stimulation to send you over the top. But don't get me wrong- it is erotic, and it is simulating. After playing around with it for a while, just running through the sensations (i.e. no masturbation, porn, or fantasies), I was surprised to find that I was pretty wet (something that rarely happens to me without direct touch). And when I did finally climax, my orgasm wasn't more intense, but, surprisingly, it did seem to last a little longer than usual. Certainly a plus!
Now, I went ahead and bought the toy with a hefty 8.5 oz. tube of Tens Electrode Gel, since I was understandably put off by my reading up on tales of poor conductivity and burnt, reddened skin and "hot spots" of intense heat at the contact points from not using some sort of electricity-compatible, or, better yet, electricity-enhancing lubrication. The instructions with the toy are mum on whether or not lubrication ought be included, but I'm glad I bought it. Without gel, I could go up to the fifth level; with it, the results were rather astounding. The gel really increased the intensity dramatically. Suddenly the first level felt more like the third. The difference is incredible. This isn't a review for the gel, but I will say that it does its job quite well, increasing conductivity and making sure no electricity goes to waste.
Now, onto the problems:
Unfortunately, the buttons can be somewhat difficult to work. When it's on your thigh (where I initially tested it), it's great- you can see it, work it, and enjoy. Plaster it on your pussy or ass, however, and suddenly you can no longer see the buttons. Considering that accidentally upping the intensity instead of switching modes or turning it down can result in some shocking discomfort or pinching pain, I really don't want to be making that mistake. Throughout my playing, I'd find myself peeling the toy off (while still on) just so I could confidently turn it off or adjust the intensity or mode and then reapply it, or consciously keeping my finger on one of the buttons, so as to not hit the wrong one later. Indeed, the flashing lights on the toy won't do you any good when it's actually on your genitals. The toy could really benefit from making its buttons more raised and pronounced, since it's relatively smooth and hard to tell what's a button by running your fingers over it, even if you do eventually memorize which button is which by its placement. Perhaps dials that turn, clicking at each different mode or intensity, would work better. Or a long plug-in remote attachment. Anything but the ineffective way they've got it working right now, which makes me blindly grope around down near my genitals (or look absolutely ridiculous holding up a handheld mirror to my groin). Prospective purchasers worried about the controls might want to shell out an extra fifty dollars to buy the the remote version, so as to have the remote and controls directly in front of your face (with the added benefit of three more intensity levels and being able to hand it off to let someone else stimulate you from up to 50 feet away).
It's also a little disappointing that there is no sole "OFF" switch; the "OFF" button here functions as a way to decrease intensity. If you happen to hit too high an intensity and want to get the thing to stop completely at once, you're out of luck- you'll have to frantically hit the button several times until it finally turns off, or wildly fling it away from your body. And yet another problem is in the "Shuffle" modes. Though they are the best settings, in my opinion, offering up some variety in sensation so you get that surprise fun "What's coming next?" and no boring or uncomfortable repetition, the problem lies in the intensity. The long pulses always feel more intense than the softer, shorter "taps". You either have to take a break and wait out the less intense moments, or be very ready to turn down the intensity the second it starts another pattern, lest you have an "Ouch!" moment. I'd compare it to having songs of different volumes on the songs on one CD. You're happily listening to it and then out of nowhere comes the ear-splittingly loud song you'd forgotten about. Not good.
And the real obvious detractor is the blockage problem. Whereas separate pads on TENS or EMS units have cables that can be annoying, they can clearly go on either labia, or either side of the asshole, leaving the vagina, clit, or ass clear for other stimulation or penetration. Not so with the Zeus Electrogasm. The same design that makes it so compact and wire-free means that the actual power source might be right in the way of your favorite bits. It won't be a problem if you can get off solely from e-stim, but if you need some touching, vibration, or insertion, good luck- you'll have to either place the Electrogasm in a spot that's not really near the good stuff, or try maneuvering around it. And care should be taken with maneuvering. The slightest shift could turn a pleasant buzz on my pussy into a tight pinching pain at one (but not both) creases of my thighs. It was one of the main reasons I walked around very very carefully while wearing it, lest it go from "Oooh" to "Owww". This could be fixed by placing it higher, so the wings are nowhere near touching the thighs (you can run! jump! rock climb!), but that also obviously changes where you feel the buzz. Even masturbating my clit while wearing the toy lower across my pussy was a little dangerous- knock the toy about a bit and you might find it pinching uncomfortably as described above. Ultimately, it worked best when you're still, lying, kneeling/on all fours, or sitting, which obviously puts a damper on how you can use it. Personally, using the toy over my asshole was probably the best, simply because I set it for a continuous press, stuck it on, laid down, and did my thing. This way it added a layer of pleasurable sensation but stayed out of the way, leaving my pussy completely open for all sorts of masturbatory fun. Similar fun could certainly be had by switching these up and having some anal fun while leaving this on your clit.
NOTE: I cannot stress enough that you should NOT try to adjust the toy while it's turned on. I got a painful little shock trying to do just that, and let me tell you, even though the pain was fleeting and not that bad, it will nevertheless get your adrenaline pumping as you try to fling the thing off, every "Danger: High Voltage" warning sign you've ever seen in your life flashing before your eyes (though I will remind everyone that it's purely psychological; the voltage here is quite low and there's no danger so long as it's used below the waist). As much of a hassle it is, always turn it off, reposition, and turn it back on.
It's up to you to figure out if these cons are deal-breakers. I will mention, once again, that the Zeus Electrogasm is incredibly cheap, a great deal for an electroplay toy. In fact, I believe it is the cheapest toy on the market (that is not an attachment requiring a more expensive power source). It's also incredibly easy to work. Pop in the included battery, place on body, press the "ON" button. There are no annoying and confusing cords and cables; the pads are a part of the toy, so you don't even need to set those up. Unlike most other buzzy toys, it's completely silent, which makes it ideal if, say, you'd like to wear it in public under clothes or simply would like to masturbate noiselessly (so as to not disturb or alert roommates, etc.). And for those who want to use it painfully, it's even better- no neighbors complaining about hearing whacking or spanking. Cheap, quiet, with a new sensation and lots of variety- could you ask for more?
All in all, I can think of a lot of great uses for the toy. It'd most certainly have a place on a BDSM practitioner's shelf, though true pain connoisseurs might snub it, as would those well-versed in BDSM electrostimulation, who prefer the ability to control sensations with their own power boxes. But a dom could certainly have fun springing this on a blindfolded sub, either as soft and pleasurable sensation play or harder pain play that'll keep them guessing ("Vibrator? Wait, no, ahh, ouch, that can't be right!"). It would also provide a lot of fun for use in public- all you need is some loose pants or a skirt to get that special, naughty thrill when you feel something and nobody else knows about it. (I'll say again that for such a purpose, this toy has all others beat, since it will be perfectly silent regardless of how high the setting- no buzzing noise coming from your panties). It's definitely a great toy for foreplay- I've already decided that it'll be a great toy for pairing with reading erotic fiction- just lay back and let it tease and titillate you as the words carry you away to fantasy. If you're careful or just have a high pain threshold (or enjoy pain with your masturbation/sex), it can definitely add delicious layers of sensation to heighten your orgasms. And I'd finally add that it can be a great addition to the toy box of e-stim afficionados, for introducing those who are wary of erotic electricity or scared by the intimidating TENS box and all its wires. For anybody curious about the sensation of electricity, the Zeus Electrogasm is certainly cheap enough that it's worth the purchase.
I enjoyed it, and still think it's a worthwhile purchase. It won't be a favorite, or one present at every masturbatory session, but it will get good mileage in my bed, not to mention being probably the funnest thing to share with a vanilla lover who might be scared off by most fetish and BDSM or bored by the more trite feathers and blindfolds. Common, it ain't, and its uniqueness earns it a big thumbs up from me.
Anybody thinking that the electricity will instantly zap them to orgasmic pleasure is probably wrong. It's not that it isn't possible, but there are a couple of things to consider. E-stim novices aren't used to the sensation of electricity (except as something painful and to be feared/avoided). What that means is that while the soft buzzes might feel fun, new, and eminently cool, "erotic" might not be the word used initially to describe it. When I first put it on my pussy and turned it on, I was actually reminded of my first try with a vibrator- it tickled! The feeling was enjoyable, but it never felt like it was going to take me to, or really anywhere near, orgasm, at least not without some additional help. In order to enjoy it erotically, you're going to have to train your body and brain to respond sexually to the sensation. And even, then, you might need another source of stimulation to send you over the top. But don't get me wrong- it is erotic, and it is simulating. After playing around with it for a while, just running through the sensations (i.e. no masturbation, porn, or fantasies), I was surprised to find that I was pretty wet (something that rarely happens to me without direct touch). And when I did finally climax, my orgasm wasn't more intense, but, surprisingly, it did seem to last a little longer than usual. Certainly a plus!
Now, I went ahead and bought the toy with a hefty 8.5 oz. tube of Tens Electrode Gel, since I was understandably put off by my reading up on tales of poor conductivity and burnt, reddened skin and "hot spots" of intense heat at the contact points from not using some sort of electricity-compatible, or, better yet, electricity-enhancing lubrication. The instructions with the toy are mum on whether or not lubrication ought be included, but I'm glad I bought it. Without gel, I could go up to the fifth level; with it, the results were rather astounding. The gel really increased the intensity dramatically. Suddenly the first level felt more like the third. The difference is incredible. This isn't a review for the gel, but I will say that it does its job quite well, increasing conductivity and making sure no electricity goes to waste.
Now, onto the problems:
Unfortunately, the buttons can be somewhat difficult to work. When it's on your thigh (where I initially tested it), it's great- you can see it, work it, and enjoy. Plaster it on your pussy or ass, however, and suddenly you can no longer see the buttons. Considering that accidentally upping the intensity instead of switching modes or turning it down can result in some shocking discomfort or pinching pain, I really don't want to be making that mistake. Throughout my playing, I'd find myself peeling the toy off (while still on) just so I could confidently turn it off or adjust the intensity or mode and then reapply it, or consciously keeping my finger on one of the buttons, so as to not hit the wrong one later. Indeed, the flashing lights on the toy won't do you any good when it's actually on your genitals. The toy could really benefit from making its buttons more raised and pronounced, since it's relatively smooth and hard to tell what's a button by running your fingers over it, even if you do eventually memorize which button is which by its placement. Perhaps dials that turn, clicking at each different mode or intensity, would work better. Or a long plug-in remote attachment. Anything but the ineffective way they've got it working right now, which makes me blindly grope around down near my genitals (or look absolutely ridiculous holding up a handheld mirror to my groin). Prospective purchasers worried about the controls might want to shell out an extra fifty dollars to buy the the remote version, so as to have the remote and controls directly in front of your face (with the added benefit of three more intensity levels and being able to hand it off to let someone else stimulate you from up to 50 feet away).
It's also a little disappointing that there is no sole "OFF" switch; the "OFF" button here functions as a way to decrease intensity. If you happen to hit too high an intensity and want to get the thing to stop completely at once, you're out of luck- you'll have to frantically hit the button several times until it finally turns off, or wildly fling it away from your body. And yet another problem is in the "Shuffle" modes. Though they are the best settings, in my opinion, offering up some variety in sensation so you get that surprise fun "What's coming next?" and no boring or uncomfortable repetition, the problem lies in the intensity. The long pulses always feel more intense than the softer, shorter "taps". You either have to take a break and wait out the less intense moments, or be very ready to turn down the intensity the second it starts another pattern, lest you have an "Ouch!" moment. I'd compare it to having songs of different volumes on the songs on one CD. You're happily listening to it and then out of nowhere comes the ear-splittingly loud song you'd forgotten about. Not good.
And the real obvious detractor is the blockage problem. Whereas separate pads on TENS or EMS units have cables that can be annoying, they can clearly go on either labia, or either side of the asshole, leaving the vagina, clit, or ass clear for other stimulation or penetration. Not so with the Zeus Electrogasm. The same design that makes it so compact and wire-free means that the actual power source might be right in the way of your favorite bits. It won't be a problem if you can get off solely from e-stim, but if you need some touching, vibration, or insertion, good luck- you'll have to either place the Electrogasm in a spot that's not really near the good stuff, or try maneuvering around it. And care should be taken with maneuvering. The slightest shift could turn a pleasant buzz on my pussy into a tight pinching pain at one (but not both) creases of my thighs. It was one of the main reasons I walked around very very carefully while wearing it, lest it go from "Oooh" to "Owww". This could be fixed by placing it higher, so the wings are nowhere near touching the thighs (you can run! jump! rock climb!), but that also obviously changes where you feel the buzz. Even masturbating my clit while wearing the toy lower across my pussy was a little dangerous- knock the toy about a bit and you might find it pinching uncomfortably as described above. Ultimately, it worked best when you're still, lying, kneeling/on all fours, or sitting, which obviously puts a damper on how you can use it. Personally, using the toy over my asshole was probably the best, simply because I set it for a continuous press, stuck it on, laid down, and did my thing. This way it added a layer of pleasurable sensation but stayed out of the way, leaving my pussy completely open for all sorts of masturbatory fun. Similar fun could certainly be had by switching these up and having some anal fun while leaving this on your clit.
NOTE: I cannot stress enough that you should NOT try to adjust the toy while it's turned on. I got a painful little shock trying to do just that, and let me tell you, even though the pain was fleeting and not that bad, it will nevertheless get your adrenaline pumping as you try to fling the thing off, every "Danger: High Voltage" warning sign you've ever seen in your life flashing before your eyes (though I will remind everyone that it's purely psychological; the voltage here is quite low and there's no danger so long as it's used below the waist). As much of a hassle it is, always turn it off, reposition, and turn it back on.
It's up to you to figure out if these cons are deal-breakers. I will mention, once again, that the Zeus Electrogasm is incredibly cheap, a great deal for an electroplay toy. In fact, I believe it is the cheapest toy on the market (that is not an attachment requiring a more expensive power source). It's also incredibly easy to work. Pop in the included battery, place on body, press the "ON" button. There are no annoying and confusing cords and cables; the pads are a part of the toy, so you don't even need to set those up. Unlike most other buzzy toys, it's completely silent, which makes it ideal if, say, you'd like to wear it in public under clothes or simply would like to masturbate noiselessly (so as to not disturb or alert roommates, etc.). And for those who want to use it painfully, it's even better- no neighbors complaining about hearing whacking or spanking. Cheap, quiet, with a new sensation and lots of variety- could you ask for more?
All in all, I can think of a lot of great uses for the toy. It'd most certainly have a place on a BDSM practitioner's shelf, though true pain connoisseurs might snub it, as would those well-versed in BDSM electrostimulation, who prefer the ability to control sensations with their own power boxes. But a dom could certainly have fun springing this on a blindfolded sub, either as soft and pleasurable sensation play or harder pain play that'll keep them guessing ("Vibrator? Wait, no, ahh, ouch, that can't be right!"). It would also provide a lot of fun for use in public- all you need is some loose pants or a skirt to get that special, naughty thrill when you feel something and nobody else knows about it. (I'll say again that for such a purpose, this toy has all others beat, since it will be perfectly silent regardless of how high the setting- no buzzing noise coming from your panties). It's definitely a great toy for foreplay- I've already decided that it'll be a great toy for pairing with reading erotic fiction- just lay back and let it tease and titillate you as the words carry you away to fantasy. If you're careful or just have a high pain threshold (or enjoy pain with your masturbation/sex), it can definitely add delicious layers of sensation to heighten your orgasms. And I'd finally add that it can be a great addition to the toy box of e-stim afficionados, for introducing those who are wary of erotic electricity or scared by the intimidating TENS box and all its wires. For anybody curious about the sensation of electricity, the Zeus Electrogasm is certainly cheap enough that it's worth the purchase.
I enjoyed it, and still think it's a worthwhile purchase. It won't be a favorite, or one present at every masturbatory session, but it will get good mileage in my bed, not to mention being probably the funnest thing to share with a vanilla lover who might be scared off by most fetish and BDSM or bored by the more trite feathers and blindfolds. Common, it ain't, and its uniqueness earns it a big thumbs up from me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
