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Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Monday, October 6, 2008
Porn Addiction? According To Who?
This post is largely a jump-off from this article about how the porn addiction portrayed in Kurt Cameron's new movie "Fireproof" is raising a lot of 'awareness' of such addiction.
First off, I still remember the good old days when I was in love with "Growing Pains". Mike Seaver had a best friend named 'Boner', something that amused my teenage self to no end. Or how about the episode where little Ben repeatedly called a phone sex hotline? For a girl who stumbled bewilderingly onto porn in her youth and had a lot of conflictions and guilt, that was a pretty precious episode to me, too. But now, of course, Kurt Cameron is uber-Christian . . . enough so that he refused to even kiss his onscreen costar in his new 'with God and some work, I saved my marriage' film "Fireproof". They had to bring in his real-life wife and some shadowy filming to get the scene. I try not to laugh at this fact. I try to tell myself that it's pretty amazing that he sticks to his principles that way and that he wants to remove himself from all temptation that kissing a strange woman might promote. Like I said, I try. I never said I succeeeded.
Even though it looks to be like a so-so acted, and very heavy-handed film with a big ol' "Christian" stamp all over it, it actually doesn't look half-bad, if you're really dead-set on watching a movie about relationships. My reaction is "Ugh", but then again, I've never cared for most love stories unless they seriously engage another genre and do it well. Maybe once I'm married or involved long-term, I'll suddenly garner an interest for these types of tales.
But I'm getting off-topic. What about the porn?
Ah, yes, porn. Bane of the Christians. And with a lot of good defenses of porn/erotica popping up (like 'How about the beautiful celebration of love and sex in "Song of Solomon"?' or 'What about educational movies?', etc.), about the only thing they can really latch onto is the whole "porn addiction" thing. Which, as I've stated before, is a real problem that affects a whole bunch of people and a lot of marriages. But then again, Christian perspectives are working from a viewpoint that condemns porn. Talking about the men and women who casually consume porn without becoming addicted or being adversely affected isn't part of the agenda.
It's interesting, actually . . . a little researching tells me that porn isn't the only thing breaking down the marriage in this movie, which makes me happy, at least. None of the sensationalism of, say, Lifetime's "Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life". But at the same time, Kurt Cameron's character isn't portrayed as being obsessed with porn. He watches it. He cleans out his browser's cache after watching it (although, when your wife screams and gives you a hard time about it, who wouldn't?). But I'm sorry. Addiction this isn't. And it's pretty scary that people are watching this film are coming out shaking their heads about the 'horrible addiction'.
The scariest thing, though, is the fact that, coinciding with the movie, Internetsafety.com is giving out a 30% discount on their porn-blocking software. Now, I'm totally a fan of discounts. I'm totally a fan of people realizing they have a problem and attacking it head-on. And at the same time, I'm upset that nobody is questioning the fact that porn-blocking software companies ARE companies, and they do have a vested interest in promoting the idea of porn addiction. Nobody seems to be taking a critical eye towards this fact. If hysteria and scare tactics are brought to light as tactics of the media to stay self-sustaining, then why can't we ask whether or not such filter companies might have something at stake in convincing people that porn addiction is hugely prevalent, that even occasional looking is addiction, and that it is such a strong force that nothing short of complete and total removal will help you?
Millions of Christians- men and women- watch porn or otherwise consume erotica, and feel it is consistent with their faith. Churches (dependent on tithings) and other religious anti-porn contingents (hired therapists, filtering companies, 'overcoming porn addiction with Christ' books, etc., etc.) can't exactly take that line. Where would they be, then? I'm not trying to say that Christians are motivated by money. I know a lot who aren't, at all, and who really want the best for their friends, family, and parishioners. But I think a we need to ask some serious questions here, and even more when we aren't Christian, but still are told we might suffer from porn addiction.
Who is benefiting from pathologizing you today? Who is requesting money to cure you of your diagnosed addiction, instead of telling you to practice some self-control instead of putting on blinders (which certainly don't work very well when commercials have half-naked chicks soaping up cars sexily)? Whose might like to guilt you straight to the "Porn Addiction" bookshelf at your local bookstore? Ask yourself these questions, and get back to me.
It's cool with me if you don't like porn. It's cool with me if you like porn but feel it's not so good for you and so you abstain. It's pretty dang cool with me if you like porn. But it ain't cool to let others make these decisions for you, especially when the person they're looking out for may not really be you.
Am I totally off-base here? I dunno . . . I'm tired and, for some reason, it's my third blog of the day (can we say 'no social life'?). Comments would be welcome!
First off, I still remember the good old days when I was in love with "Growing Pains". Mike Seaver had a best friend named 'Boner', something that amused my teenage self to no end. Or how about the episode where little Ben repeatedly called a phone sex hotline? For a girl who stumbled bewilderingly onto porn in her youth and had a lot of conflictions and guilt, that was a pretty precious episode to me, too. But now, of course, Kurt Cameron is uber-Christian . . . enough so that he refused to even kiss his onscreen costar in his new 'with God and some work, I saved my marriage' film "Fireproof". They had to bring in his real-life wife and some shadowy filming to get the scene. I try not to laugh at this fact. I try to tell myself that it's pretty amazing that he sticks to his principles that way and that he wants to remove himself from all temptation that kissing a strange woman might promote. Like I said, I try. I never said I succeeeded.
Even though it looks to be like a so-so acted, and very heavy-handed film with a big ol' "Christian" stamp all over it, it actually doesn't look half-bad, if you're really dead-set on watching a movie about relationships. My reaction is "Ugh", but then again, I've never cared for most love stories unless they seriously engage another genre and do it well. Maybe once I'm married or involved long-term, I'll suddenly garner an interest for these types of tales.
But I'm getting off-topic. What about the porn?
Ah, yes, porn. Bane of the Christians. And with a lot of good defenses of porn/erotica popping up (like 'How about the beautiful celebration of love and sex in "Song of Solomon"?' or 'What about educational movies?', etc.), about the only thing they can really latch onto is the whole "porn addiction" thing. Which, as I've stated before, is a real problem that affects a whole bunch of people and a lot of marriages. But then again, Christian perspectives are working from a viewpoint that condemns porn. Talking about the men and women who casually consume porn without becoming addicted or being adversely affected isn't part of the agenda.
It's interesting, actually . . . a little researching tells me that porn isn't the only thing breaking down the marriage in this movie, which makes me happy, at least. None of the sensationalism of, say, Lifetime's "Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life". But at the same time, Kurt Cameron's character isn't portrayed as being obsessed with porn. He watches it. He cleans out his browser's cache after watching it (although, when your wife screams and gives you a hard time about it, who wouldn't?). But I'm sorry. Addiction this isn't. And it's pretty scary that people are watching this film are coming out shaking their heads about the 'horrible addiction'.
The scariest thing, though, is the fact that, coinciding with the movie, Internetsafety.com is giving out a 30% discount on their porn-blocking software. Now, I'm totally a fan of discounts. I'm totally a fan of people realizing they have a problem and attacking it head-on. And at the same time, I'm upset that nobody is questioning the fact that porn-blocking software companies ARE companies, and they do have a vested interest in promoting the idea of porn addiction. Nobody seems to be taking a critical eye towards this fact. If hysteria and scare tactics are brought to light as tactics of the media to stay self-sustaining, then why can't we ask whether or not such filter companies might have something at stake in convincing people that porn addiction is hugely prevalent, that even occasional looking is addiction, and that it is such a strong force that nothing short of complete and total removal will help you?
Millions of Christians- men and women- watch porn or otherwise consume erotica, and feel it is consistent with their faith. Churches (dependent on tithings) and other religious anti-porn contingents (hired therapists, filtering companies, 'overcoming porn addiction with Christ' books, etc., etc.) can't exactly take that line. Where would they be, then? I'm not trying to say that Christians are motivated by money. I know a lot who aren't, at all, and who really want the best for their friends, family, and parishioners. But I think a we need to ask some serious questions here, and even more when we aren't Christian, but still are told we might suffer from porn addiction.
Who is benefiting from pathologizing you today? Who is requesting money to cure you of your diagnosed addiction, instead of telling you to practice some self-control instead of putting on blinders (which certainly don't work very well when commercials have half-naked chicks soaping up cars sexily)? Whose might like to guilt you straight to the "Porn Addiction" bookshelf at your local bookstore? Ask yourself these questions, and get back to me.
It's cool with me if you don't like porn. It's cool with me if you like porn but feel it's not so good for you and so you abstain. It's pretty dang cool with me if you like porn. But it ain't cool to let others make these decisions for you, especially when the person they're looking out for may not really be you.
Am I totally off-base here? I dunno . . . I'm tired and, for some reason, it's my third blog of the day (can we say 'no social life'?). Comments would be welcome!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Far From Harmless: Porn From The Other Side
Let's stop sugar-coating it- porn ain't always pretty. Take an in-depth look in link below.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a sex-positive, feminist porn enthusiast. I own a lot of porn, I watch it, I advocate it, I talk about it, I share it with others, I advertise it, I think about it, I make some of it, I research it, I read about it and poll others on what they think. Years into my foray into the world of erotica, I'm still deliciously porn-curious, still angered and inspired by the controversies, still seeking statistics on when, how, what, where, and why we watch porn, as well as deeper psychological analyses on how we process it and what drives us. Porn is my passion, and, if it weren't obvious (if it isn't obvious, please, go and get your hearing and vision checked, maybe a catscan, too), I'm also ridiculously pro-porn.
But I'm also open-minded. The definition of open-minded, just in case you were forgetting, is not 'tries all sorts of new things', 'does what others consider stupid/dangerous/unconventional', or anything of that sort- those are the kind of definitions that are often touted in response not to true close-mindedness, but rather an attitude or stance that is unpopular, conventional, old-fashioned. Being open-minded, instead, is about being open to various possibilities and about equally evaluating any and all information before making up one's mind.
And while I believe that Americans and a lot of the rest of the world have some serious issues about sex (of which I am, of course, not immune) that they unjustly let poison their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on all matters of a sexual sort, that does not mean that I can simply dismiss them as "sex-negative" or call them prudes and be done with it. That is not being open-minded in the least, though it may certainly be the easier route. Not facing tough- and oftentimes real and important- criticisms by dismissive name-calling may leave your theories and self-esteem intact, but often at the cost of not truly defending your position. Instead of opening up a positive discussion and exchange of ideas, it only fosters stereotyping and widens the chasms that first separated us in the first place.
So I want to talk about the bad parts of porn. They're certainly there, and anybody who comes forward to try and whitewash the industry, to make excuses for things that oughtn't be excused, and otherwise insist with a tight-lipped grin that porn is a universally positive experience for all involved is lying or in serious denial. On a whim before my flight to Japan, I picked up Pamela Paul's "Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families". I got it as a challenge- hah! I'll read this and rip this thing to shreds on my Amazon.com review! (this was pre-blog, people). It's good to get to know your enemy, I figured, and it certainly beats reading a trashy lesbian romance novel for 12 hours (okay, so I did that, too). And while the book infuriated me- I scribbled notes in the margins, I gasped and moaned and screeched at the book "You ridiculous woman, can't you see . . .", I came back to it later and re-read. And while none of my anger at her presentation and the conclusions she drew have disappated, I've looked back at some of the evidence and statistics she's presented and realized . . . she's right. So here goes:
Porn can be a wonderful thing. Porn can be educative, teaching watchers not only how to have sex in explicitly instructional videos, but also showing anatomy and how people generally have sex, as well as demonstrating different techniques and positions that can be used. Porn can give us a glimpse into worlds that we would otherwise have no way of experiencing: anybody who watches a type of porn that portrays sex they do not or cannot have is necessarily entering a foreign sexuality that would otherwise not be accessible, and I think that's something powerful- both educative and enlightening; it broadens our perceptions. Porn can be a powerful tool for rallying together a minority community and validating that identity as sexually attractive and worthy, as has been seen for bears (gay men, not the animals!), BBW and BHM communities, transpeople (just take a look at how FtM visibility has increased with Buck Angel getting some AVN limelight), and for so many others. Porn can allow us to safely explore desires without hurting ourselves or anyone else- while *certainly* not a guarantee of someone's sexuality, it can be an indicator and it's much better than "experimenting" with someone solely to see if you like that type of sex- why treat other human beings like sexual guinea pigs? Porn can help open up our sexual creativity and it can certainly help erase our inhibitions and shame and help us to grow as sexual beings. Porn can help us take out our sexual frustrations and is a nice companion with solo sex. It can spice up partnered sex. For the people who perform in porn, it can be equally positive: it can let them experience things they otherwise might not be able to (for example, using a fucking machine or having the best experts weilding electrostimulation tools on you so that you don't shock yourself to death), it can be a wonderful experience for exhibitionists, it can allow them to express their sexuality on film. And I'm probably forgetting a billion other ways in which porn can be positive and beautiful.
Now for the negative. I often think that porn is blamed for a lot of terrible, sad things that happened . . . but weren't actually the porn's fault. But I'm not going to go into that right now; this will be about the actual porn problems. Porn consumption can definitely negatively affect the viewer. Porn addiction is certainly a problem for many men and women, and its consequences can and have lead to failed marriages and have been the breaking point in relationships. People who watch porn too often may start to over-sexualize those around them, and not in a good way- becoming too focused on sexual aspects and evaluating people only on those terms. Likewise, someone who watches porn without understanding that it is a fantasy and [usually] not true to real-life sex practices can definitely get the wrong impression of what safe sex entails, how men and women and transpeople and whoever else get together (note: handymen and pizza delivery boys do not get it as often as you might think), how to treat a person, in particular a woman, the idea that women just cum in buckets when you give them absolutely no foreplay and then shove it in and out for half an hour, the idea that all men have 10" penises that can shoot a half a cup of semen 12' across the room after an hour of pounding sex. Porn can be somewhat desensitizing, and some people may want more and more so-called 'hardcore' porn to get the same reaction out of them. And for the people who work in porn, well, it can often be a bad environment, full of drugs, potentially dangerous situations, possible STD risks, and, depending on the studio in question, psychologically and emotionally damaging. There's a reason why there are so many pornstar autobiographies that don't have wonderful things to say about their line of work- because it often isn't a glamorous dream job, and there are horrible aspects to it. Porn has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people, and though I vehemently disagree, I can't say I don't sympathize with the wife who can't get her husband to have sex with her because he'd rather be online, or the young pornstar who was abused and mistreated in her scene- and not as something she had agreed to. This is the sort of thing that is evil, and instead of realizing that it's addiction and abuse that are bad things the world over, we see them in porn and scream "Porn is bad!".
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a sex-positive, feminist porn enthusiast. I own a lot of porn, I watch it, I advocate it, I talk about it, I share it with others, I advertise it, I think about it, I make some of it, I research it, I read about it and poll others on what they think. Years into my foray into the world of erotica, I'm still deliciously porn-curious, still angered and inspired by the controversies, still seeking statistics on when, how, what, where, and why we watch porn, as well as deeper psychological analyses on how we process it and what drives us. Porn is my passion, and, if it weren't obvious (if it isn't obvious, please, go and get your hearing and vision checked, maybe a catscan, too), I'm also ridiculously pro-porn.
But I'm also open-minded. The definition of open-minded, just in case you were forgetting, is not 'tries all sorts of new things', 'does what others consider stupid/dangerous/unconventional', or anything of that sort- those are the kind of definitions that are often touted in response not to true close-mindedness, but rather an attitude or stance that is unpopular, conventional, old-fashioned. Being open-minded, instead, is about being open to various possibilities and about equally evaluating any and all information before making up one's mind.
And while I believe that Americans and a lot of the rest of the world have some serious issues about sex (of which I am, of course, not immune) that they unjustly let poison their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on all matters of a sexual sort, that does not mean that I can simply dismiss them as "sex-negative" or call them prudes and be done with it. That is not being open-minded in the least, though it may certainly be the easier route. Not facing tough- and oftentimes real and important- criticisms by dismissive name-calling may leave your theories and self-esteem intact, but often at the cost of not truly defending your position. Instead of opening up a positive discussion and exchange of ideas, it only fosters stereotyping and widens the chasms that first separated us in the first place.
So I want to talk about the bad parts of porn. They're certainly there, and anybody who comes forward to try and whitewash the industry, to make excuses for things that oughtn't be excused, and otherwise insist with a tight-lipped grin that porn is a universally positive experience for all involved is lying or in serious denial. On a whim before my flight to Japan, I picked up Pamela Paul's "Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families". I got it as a challenge- hah! I'll read this and rip this thing to shreds on my Amazon.com review! (this was pre-blog, people). It's good to get to know your enemy, I figured, and it certainly beats reading a trashy lesbian romance novel for 12 hours (okay, so I did that, too). And while the book infuriated me- I scribbled notes in the margins, I gasped and moaned and screeched at the book "You ridiculous woman, can't you see . . .", I came back to it later and re-read. And while none of my anger at her presentation and the conclusions she drew have disappated, I've looked back at some of the evidence and statistics she's presented and realized . . . she's right. So here goes:
Porn can be a wonderful thing. Porn can be educative, teaching watchers not only how to have sex in explicitly instructional videos, but also showing anatomy and how people generally have sex, as well as demonstrating different techniques and positions that can be used. Porn can give us a glimpse into worlds that we would otherwise have no way of experiencing: anybody who watches a type of porn that portrays sex they do not or cannot have is necessarily entering a foreign sexuality that would otherwise not be accessible, and I think that's something powerful- both educative and enlightening; it broadens our perceptions. Porn can be a powerful tool for rallying together a minority community and validating that identity as sexually attractive and worthy, as has been seen for bears (gay men, not the animals!), BBW and BHM communities, transpeople (just take a look at how FtM visibility has increased with Buck Angel getting some AVN limelight), and for so many others. Porn can allow us to safely explore desires without hurting ourselves or anyone else- while *certainly* not a guarantee of someone's sexuality, it can be an indicator and it's much better than "experimenting" with someone solely to see if you like that type of sex- why treat other human beings like sexual guinea pigs? Porn can help open up our sexual creativity and it can certainly help erase our inhibitions and shame and help us to grow as sexual beings. Porn can help us take out our sexual frustrations and is a nice companion with solo sex. It can spice up partnered sex. For the people who perform in porn, it can be equally positive: it can let them experience things they otherwise might not be able to (for example, using a fucking machine or having the best experts weilding electrostimulation tools on you so that you don't shock yourself to death), it can be a wonderful experience for exhibitionists, it can allow them to express their sexuality on film. And I'm probably forgetting a billion other ways in which porn can be positive and beautiful.
Now for the negative. I often think that porn is blamed for a lot of terrible, sad things that happened . . . but weren't actually the porn's fault. But I'm not going to go into that right now; this will be about the actual porn problems. Porn consumption can definitely negatively affect the viewer. Porn addiction is certainly a problem for many men and women, and its consequences can and have lead to failed marriages and have been the breaking point in relationships. People who watch porn too often may start to over-sexualize those around them, and not in a good way- becoming too focused on sexual aspects and evaluating people only on those terms. Likewise, someone who watches porn without understanding that it is a fantasy and [usually] not true to real-life sex practices can definitely get the wrong impression of what safe sex entails, how men and women and transpeople and whoever else get together (note: handymen and pizza delivery boys do not get it as often as you might think), how to treat a person, in particular a woman, the idea that women just cum in buckets when you give them absolutely no foreplay and then shove it in and out for half an hour, the idea that all men have 10" penises that can shoot a half a cup of semen 12' across the room after an hour of pounding sex. Porn can be somewhat desensitizing, and some people may want more and more so-called 'hardcore' porn to get the same reaction out of them. And for the people who work in porn, well, it can often be a bad environment, full of drugs, potentially dangerous situations, possible STD risks, and, depending on the studio in question, psychologically and emotionally damaging. There's a reason why there are so many pornstar autobiographies that don't have wonderful things to say about their line of work- because it often isn't a glamorous dream job, and there are horrible aspects to it. Porn has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people, and though I vehemently disagree, I can't say I don't sympathize with the wife who can't get her husband to have sex with her because he'd rather be online, or the young pornstar who was abused and mistreated in her scene- and not as something she had agreed to. This is the sort of thing that is evil, and instead of realizing that it's addiction and abuse that are bad things the world over, we see them in porn and scream "Porn is bad!".
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