Posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Porn Addiction? According To Who?
This post is largely a jump-off from this article about how the porn addiction portrayed in Kurt Cameron's new movie "Fireproof" is raising a lot of 'awareness' of such addiction.
First off, I still remember the good old days when I was in love with "Growing Pains". Mike Seaver had a best friend named 'Boner', something that amused my teenage self to no end. Or how about the episode where little Ben repeatedly called a phone sex hotline? For a girl who stumbled bewilderingly onto porn in her youth and had a lot of conflictions and guilt, that was a pretty precious episode to me, too. But now, of course, Kurt Cameron is uber-Christian . . . enough so that he refused to even kiss his onscreen costar in his new 'with God and some work, I saved my marriage' film "Fireproof". They had to bring in his real-life wife and some shadowy filming to get the scene. I try not to laugh at this fact. I try to tell myself that it's pretty amazing that he sticks to his principles that way and that he wants to remove himself from all temptation that kissing a strange woman might promote. Like I said, I try. I never said I succeeeded.
Even though it looks to be like a so-so acted, and very heavy-handed film with a big ol' "Christian" stamp all over it, it actually doesn't look half-bad, if you're really dead-set on watching a movie about relationships. My reaction is "Ugh", but then again, I've never cared for most love stories unless they seriously engage another genre and do it well. Maybe once I'm married or involved long-term, I'll suddenly garner an interest for these types of tales.
But I'm getting off-topic. What about the porn?
Ah, yes, porn. Bane of the Christians. And with a lot of good defenses of porn/erotica popping up (like 'How about the beautiful celebration of love and sex in "Song of Solomon"?' or 'What about educational movies?', etc.), about the only thing they can really latch onto is the whole "porn addiction" thing. Which, as I've stated before, is a real problem that affects a whole bunch of people and a lot of marriages. But then again, Christian perspectives are working from a viewpoint that condemns porn. Talking about the men and women who casually consume porn without becoming addicted or being adversely affected isn't part of the agenda.
It's interesting, actually . . . a little researching tells me that porn isn't the only thing breaking down the marriage in this movie, which makes me happy, at least. None of the sensationalism of, say, Lifetime's "Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life". But at the same time, Kurt Cameron's character isn't portrayed as being obsessed with porn. He watches it. He cleans out his browser's cache after watching it (although, when your wife screams and gives you a hard time about it, who wouldn't?). But I'm sorry. Addiction this isn't. And it's pretty scary that people are watching this film are coming out shaking their heads about the 'horrible addiction'.
The scariest thing, though, is the fact that, coinciding with the movie, Internetsafety.com is giving out a 30% discount on their porn-blocking software. Now, I'm totally a fan of discounts. I'm totally a fan of people realizing they have a problem and attacking it head-on. And at the same time, I'm upset that nobody is questioning the fact that porn-blocking software companies ARE companies, and they do have a vested interest in promoting the idea of porn addiction. Nobody seems to be taking a critical eye towards this fact. If hysteria and scare tactics are brought to light as tactics of the media to stay self-sustaining, then why can't we ask whether or not such filter companies might have something at stake in convincing people that porn addiction is hugely prevalent, that even occasional looking is addiction, and that it is such a strong force that nothing short of complete and total removal will help you?
Millions of Christians- men and women- watch porn or otherwise consume erotica, and feel it is consistent with their faith. Churches (dependent on tithings) and other religious anti-porn contingents (hired therapists, filtering companies, 'overcoming porn addiction with Christ' books, etc., etc.) can't exactly take that line. Where would they be, then? I'm not trying to say that Christians are motivated by money. I know a lot who aren't, at all, and who really want the best for their friends, family, and parishioners. But I think a we need to ask some serious questions here, and even more when we aren't Christian, but still are told we might suffer from porn addiction.
Who is benefiting from pathologizing you today? Who is requesting money to cure you of your diagnosed addiction, instead of telling you to practice some self-control instead of putting on blinders (which certainly don't work very well when commercials have half-naked chicks soaping up cars sexily)? Whose might like to guilt you straight to the "Porn Addiction" bookshelf at your local bookstore? Ask yourself these questions, and get back to me.
It's cool with me if you don't like porn. It's cool with me if you like porn but feel it's not so good for you and so you abstain. It's pretty dang cool with me if you like porn. But it ain't cool to let others make these decisions for you, especially when the person they're looking out for may not really be you.
Am I totally off-base here? I dunno . . . I'm tired and, for some reason, it's my third blog of the day (can we say 'no social life'?). Comments would be welcome!
First off, I still remember the good old days when I was in love with "Growing Pains". Mike Seaver had a best friend named 'Boner', something that amused my teenage self to no end. Or how about the episode where little Ben repeatedly called a phone sex hotline? For a girl who stumbled bewilderingly onto porn in her youth and had a lot of conflictions and guilt, that was a pretty precious episode to me, too. But now, of course, Kurt Cameron is uber-Christian . . . enough so that he refused to even kiss his onscreen costar in his new 'with God and some work, I saved my marriage' film "Fireproof". They had to bring in his real-life wife and some shadowy filming to get the scene. I try not to laugh at this fact. I try to tell myself that it's pretty amazing that he sticks to his principles that way and that he wants to remove himself from all temptation that kissing a strange woman might promote. Like I said, I try. I never said I succeeeded.
Even though it looks to be like a so-so acted, and very heavy-handed film with a big ol' "Christian" stamp all over it, it actually doesn't look half-bad, if you're really dead-set on watching a movie about relationships. My reaction is "Ugh", but then again, I've never cared for most love stories unless they seriously engage another genre and do it well. Maybe once I'm married or involved long-term, I'll suddenly garner an interest for these types of tales.
But I'm getting off-topic. What about the porn?
Ah, yes, porn. Bane of the Christians. And with a lot of good defenses of porn/erotica popping up (like 'How about the beautiful celebration of love and sex in "Song of Solomon"?' or 'What about educational movies?', etc.), about the only thing they can really latch onto is the whole "porn addiction" thing. Which, as I've stated before, is a real problem that affects a whole bunch of people and a lot of marriages. But then again, Christian perspectives are working from a viewpoint that condemns porn. Talking about the men and women who casually consume porn without becoming addicted or being adversely affected isn't part of the agenda.
It's interesting, actually . . . a little researching tells me that porn isn't the only thing breaking down the marriage in this movie, which makes me happy, at least. None of the sensationalism of, say, Lifetime's "Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life". But at the same time, Kurt Cameron's character isn't portrayed as being obsessed with porn. He watches it. He cleans out his browser's cache after watching it (although, when your wife screams and gives you a hard time about it, who wouldn't?). But I'm sorry. Addiction this isn't. And it's pretty scary that people are watching this film are coming out shaking their heads about the 'horrible addiction'.
The scariest thing, though, is the fact that, coinciding with the movie, Internetsafety.com is giving out a 30% discount on their porn-blocking software. Now, I'm totally a fan of discounts. I'm totally a fan of people realizing they have a problem and attacking it head-on. And at the same time, I'm upset that nobody is questioning the fact that porn-blocking software companies ARE companies, and they do have a vested interest in promoting the idea of porn addiction. Nobody seems to be taking a critical eye towards this fact. If hysteria and scare tactics are brought to light as tactics of the media to stay self-sustaining, then why can't we ask whether or not such filter companies might have something at stake in convincing people that porn addiction is hugely prevalent, that even occasional looking is addiction, and that it is such a strong force that nothing short of complete and total removal will help you?
Millions of Christians- men and women- watch porn or otherwise consume erotica, and feel it is consistent with their faith. Churches (dependent on tithings) and other religious anti-porn contingents (hired therapists, filtering companies, 'overcoming porn addiction with Christ' books, etc., etc.) can't exactly take that line. Where would they be, then? I'm not trying to say that Christians are motivated by money. I know a lot who aren't, at all, and who really want the best for their friends, family, and parishioners. But I think a we need to ask some serious questions here, and even more when we aren't Christian, but still are told we might suffer from porn addiction.
Who is benefiting from pathologizing you today? Who is requesting money to cure you of your diagnosed addiction, instead of telling you to practice some self-control instead of putting on blinders (which certainly don't work very well when commercials have half-naked chicks soaping up cars sexily)? Whose might like to guilt you straight to the "Porn Addiction" bookshelf at your local bookstore? Ask yourself these questions, and get back to me.
It's cool with me if you don't like porn. It's cool with me if you like porn but feel it's not so good for you and so you abstain. It's pretty dang cool with me if you like porn. But it ain't cool to let others make these decisions for you, especially when the person they're looking out for may not really be you.
Am I totally off-base here? I dunno . . . I'm tired and, for some reason, it's my third blog of the day (can we say 'no social life'?). Comments would be welcome!
Porno Singalong
Just a fluffy post because I'm feeling musical. And because, quite frankly, if you can't joyfully sing about porn in our world today, I'm not sure I want to live in it. Not all these songs are exactly sex-positive, and most have at least some little barb either about porn's stars, it's fans/viewers, or the industry, but I've tried to choose the top then that celebrate it nonetheless.
1) Avenue Q's "The Internet Is For Porn". Yes, Trekkie Monster, it truly is. Who knew puppets watched porn?
2) "Thank You For The Porn" by Sean Cullen. I want this to be sang at the AVN Awards!
3) French Stewart (on Penn and Teller), singing "Hooray Pornography". With blow-up doll dancers!
4) Trucks "It's Just Porn, Mom!". A very catchy protest to parents everywhere.
5) Paul and Storm's "Internet Porn". Another very catchy little tune that you'll get stuck in your head, singing under your breath in the supermarket . . .
6) David Keystone's "The Porno Song". I'd say he's asking a pretty valid question!
7) "Ode To You Porn". Touching, really.
8) Foxycock's "Internet Porn". A loving and groovy tribute to the stuff.
9) "Poor Man's Porn" by The Worst. Anybody know what SBS means?
10) Does Gwen Diamond's special rendition of "Don't Speak" count? Either way, I'm still humming "Fuck me" . . . oh, and if she counts, then so do all these gay porn star singers, even if they aren't exactly singing about pornish topics.
1) Avenue Q's "The Internet Is For Porn". Yes, Trekkie Monster, it truly is. Who knew puppets watched porn?
2) "Thank You For The Porn" by Sean Cullen. I want this to be sang at the AVN Awards!
3) French Stewart (on Penn and Teller), singing "Hooray Pornography". With blow-up doll dancers!
4) Trucks "It's Just Porn, Mom!". A very catchy protest to parents everywhere.
5) Paul and Storm's "Internet Porn". Another very catchy little tune that you'll get stuck in your head, singing under your breath in the supermarket . . .
6) David Keystone's "The Porno Song". I'd say he's asking a pretty valid question!
7) "Ode To You Porn". Touching, really.
8) Foxycock's "Internet Porn". A loving and groovy tribute to the stuff.
9) "Poor Man's Porn" by The Worst. Anybody know what SBS means?
10) Does Gwen Diamond's special rendition of "Don't Speak" count? Either way, I'm still humming "Fuck me" . . . oh, and if she counts, then so do all these gay porn star singers, even if they aren't exactly singing about pornish topics.
And let's not forget that fun little Porn: The Musical, either. "We're going for the money shot!"
Saturday, June 7, 2008
The Most Amazing Porn Intro I've Ever Seen
Honestly. I'll tell ya more in the link below.
I've been spending a little bit of time lately going through my old porn DVD's and getting reacquainted with them- re-familiarizing myself with the hotness I'd forgotten they had. I had popped in an old standby, "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians", which, despite its rather uncreative name, cheesy tagline ("Do not fuck with these dykes! They hate men! They want pussy!"), and its fishy, I-sense-exploitative-fake-lezzie-porn box cover, actually houses some very hot and real, if a little dated, butch lesbian dyke action.
But what really got me was seeing, again, the "Warning" section that came up before the actual video. Once I saw it, I instantly remembered how impressed I had been with it then, and I wanted to share it with you now. Here it is, reprinted in full, word-for-word:
Warning! Mojo Home Video manufactures videos for the sole purpose of adult fantasy entertainment and to better help sexually educate the public. The video you are about to watch presents fictional accounts of sexual relations designed solely for the purposes of adult fantasy entertainment and sex education. This video presents the ideas that sex and the expression of sexual conduct are very important parts of adult relationships. This video is meant to serve as a pictoral record of the different methods and expressions of sexual conduct. There are many different sexual problems and issues, especially when it comes to the idea of sexual expressions; this video has been manufactured to help provide a forum to open these ideas of expression and to open communication. Please be advised that the fictional sexual relationships found in this video do not always exhibit intimacy, sensitivity, communication, and other traits that are most important in real life adult relationsihps. The people in this video may or may not be engaging in safe sex. Regarless of that choice, we are very strong advocates of the practice of safe sex. We strongly encourage you to educate yourself regarding safe sex before engaging in sexual activity. You can find this information very easily online or at your local library. For more information about safe sex and intimacy, you can also email us. We are happy to help!
All this scrolled down at a slow and leisurely pace so you could read it, followed by the old, usual and required standard "All models filmed were 18 at the time blah blah blah". But I've simply never seen another porn video or company, no matter how conscientious, with a warning/introduction that was even half that.
Who is/was Mojo Video? I can't find much about them in my quick and dirty Google searches. They were also the producers/releasers of some other, shall we say, interesting titles, like "Bed Bug Bitches", "World's Biggest Whores", "Amber the Lesbian Queefer", and "Bitches and Hos". Were these videos also preceded by the same great intro as "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians"? Who was the mastermind who said "Let's write the truth about our porn for viewers, and do a little education while we're at it?"? Where have you gone, Mojo?
In today's day and age, I sometimes worry that with all the consumption of porn that either has misogynistic and/or degrading and violent undertones or outright messages (particularly if said porn is not BDSM-related), the impressionable youngsters of today's age are getting a message that this is what sex is really like. Heck, it can even be nice, tame, respectful porn, and I still worry, because it rarely shows any degree of reality in terms of real, average bodies, getting to sex, negotiating sex, safe sex usage, and especially real female pleasure and what women really orgasm from. And no matter how people may scoff, underage kids (and adults!) are curious and horny as hell, and lots of them turn to the only recourse they have- porn, free and copious on the Internet- to learn about anatomy, bodies, and sex. It's hardly even easy for some adults to remember that sex doesn't usually work the way it does in porn- pizza delivery boys do not get fucked in lieu of payment and you generally have to treat a woman a certain way (polite, with respect, taking your time) to get her to bed you. I can't remember where I read it, but I know there was a survey/research done that showed that porn consumers, when polled, believed that things like anal sex, facials, and BDSM were more prevalent in the real world than those who didn't consume porn. Obviously, no matter what we may tell ourselves, we can fall prey to the idea that what we're watching is real- particularly in Gonzo-style, breaking-the-fourth-wall, cameraman talking to the actors, type of stuff that makes it feel like it's in real time, uninterfered-with, and ultimately, like it's been documented, Nature Channel style.
I wonder . . . would it change if every porn video and website out there took just a moment to tell their viewers "Hey, this ain't real, it's just a fantasy we've produced for you, so enjoy, and remember that sex outside your TV screen or computer requires a totally different approach."? It certainly couldn't hurt, right?
That's my thought for today. I'd be thrilled if I popped in another DVD and found a similar statement. Sigh. One can hope, right?
I've been spending a little bit of time lately going through my old porn DVD's and getting reacquainted with them- re-familiarizing myself with the hotness I'd forgotten they had. I had popped in an old standby, "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians", which, despite its rather uncreative name, cheesy tagline ("Do not fuck with these dykes! They hate men! They want pussy!"), and its fishy, I-sense-exploitative-fake-lezzie-porn box cover, actually houses some very hot and real, if a little dated, butch lesbian dyke action.
But what really got me was seeing, again, the "Warning" section that came up before the actual video. Once I saw it, I instantly remembered how impressed I had been with it then, and I wanted to share it with you now. Here it is, reprinted in full, word-for-word:
Warning! Mojo Home Video manufactures videos for the sole purpose of adult fantasy entertainment and to better help sexually educate the public. The video you are about to watch presents fictional accounts of sexual relations designed solely for the purposes of adult fantasy entertainment and sex education. This video presents the ideas that sex and the expression of sexual conduct are very important parts of adult relationships. This video is meant to serve as a pictoral record of the different methods and expressions of sexual conduct. There are many different sexual problems and issues, especially when it comes to the idea of sexual expressions; this video has been manufactured to help provide a forum to open these ideas of expression and to open communication. Please be advised that the fictional sexual relationships found in this video do not always exhibit intimacy, sensitivity, communication, and other traits that are most important in real life adult relationsihps. The people in this video may or may not be engaging in safe sex. Regarless of that choice, we are very strong advocates of the practice of safe sex. We strongly encourage you to educate yourself regarding safe sex before engaging in sexual activity. You can find this information very easily online or at your local library. For more information about safe sex and intimacy, you can also email us. We are happy to help!
All this scrolled down at a slow and leisurely pace so you could read it, followed by the old, usual and required standard "All models filmed were 18 at the time blah blah blah". But I've simply never seen another porn video or company, no matter how conscientious, with a warning/introduction that was even half that.
Who is/was Mojo Video? I can't find much about them in my quick and dirty Google searches. They were also the producers/releasers of some other, shall we say, interesting titles, like "Bed Bug Bitches", "World's Biggest Whores", "Amber the Lesbian Queefer", and "Bitches and Hos". Were these videos also preceded by the same great intro as "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians"? Who was the mastermind who said "Let's write the truth about our porn for viewers, and do a little education while we're at it?"? Where have you gone, Mojo?
In today's day and age, I sometimes worry that with all the consumption of porn that either has misogynistic and/or degrading and violent undertones or outright messages (particularly if said porn is not BDSM-related), the impressionable youngsters of today's age are getting a message that this is what sex is really like. Heck, it can even be nice, tame, respectful porn, and I still worry, because it rarely shows any degree of reality in terms of real, average bodies, getting to sex, negotiating sex, safe sex usage, and especially real female pleasure and what women really orgasm from. And no matter how people may scoff, underage kids (and adults!) are curious and horny as hell, and lots of them turn to the only recourse they have- porn, free and copious on the Internet- to learn about anatomy, bodies, and sex. It's hardly even easy for some adults to remember that sex doesn't usually work the way it does in porn- pizza delivery boys do not get fucked in lieu of payment and you generally have to treat a woman a certain way (polite, with respect, taking your time) to get her to bed you. I can't remember where I read it, but I know there was a survey/research done that showed that porn consumers, when polled, believed that things like anal sex, facials, and BDSM were more prevalent in the real world than those who didn't consume porn. Obviously, no matter what we may tell ourselves, we can fall prey to the idea that what we're watching is real- particularly in Gonzo-style, breaking-the-fourth-wall, cameraman talking to the actors, type of stuff that makes it feel like it's in real time, uninterfered-with, and ultimately, like it's been documented, Nature Channel style.
I wonder . . . would it change if every porn video and website out there took just a moment to tell their viewers "Hey, this ain't real, it's just a fantasy we've produced for you, so enjoy, and remember that sex outside your TV screen or computer requires a totally different approach."? It certainly couldn't hurt, right?
That's my thought for today. I'd be thrilled if I popped in another DVD and found a similar statement. Sigh. One can hope, right?
Friday, May 16, 2008
Unfairly Villainized? (Or: My Most Controversial Blog Ever)
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.Thursday, May 1, 2008
Porn Lags Behind The Genderqueer Revolution
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.Thursday, April 10, 2008
You've Got Me All Wet: Underwater Porn and Erotica
This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Far From Harmless: Porn From The Other Side
Let's stop sugar-coating it- porn ain't always pretty. Take an in-depth look in link below.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a sex-positive, feminist porn enthusiast. I own a lot of porn, I watch it, I advocate it, I talk about it, I share it with others, I advertise it, I think about it, I make some of it, I research it, I read about it and poll others on what they think. Years into my foray into the world of erotica, I'm still deliciously porn-curious, still angered and inspired by the controversies, still seeking statistics on when, how, what, where, and why we watch porn, as well as deeper psychological analyses on how we process it and what drives us. Porn is my passion, and, if it weren't obvious (if it isn't obvious, please, go and get your hearing and vision checked, maybe a catscan, too), I'm also ridiculously pro-porn.
But I'm also open-minded. The definition of open-minded, just in case you were forgetting, is not 'tries all sorts of new things', 'does what others consider stupid/dangerous/unconventional', or anything of that sort- those are the kind of definitions that are often touted in response not to true close-mindedness, but rather an attitude or stance that is unpopular, conventional, old-fashioned. Being open-minded, instead, is about being open to various possibilities and about equally evaluating any and all information before making up one's mind.
And while I believe that Americans and a lot of the rest of the world have some serious issues about sex (of which I am, of course, not immune) that they unjustly let poison their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on all matters of a sexual sort, that does not mean that I can simply dismiss them as "sex-negative" or call them prudes and be done with it. That is not being open-minded in the least, though it may certainly be the easier route. Not facing tough- and oftentimes real and important- criticisms by dismissive name-calling may leave your theories and self-esteem intact, but often at the cost of not truly defending your position. Instead of opening up a positive discussion and exchange of ideas, it only fosters stereotyping and widens the chasms that first separated us in the first place.
So I want to talk about the bad parts of porn. They're certainly there, and anybody who comes forward to try and whitewash the industry, to make excuses for things that oughtn't be excused, and otherwise insist with a tight-lipped grin that porn is a universally positive experience for all involved is lying or in serious denial. On a whim before my flight to Japan, I picked up Pamela Paul's "Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families". I got it as a challenge- hah! I'll read this and rip this thing to shreds on my Amazon.com review! (this was pre-blog, people). It's good to get to know your enemy, I figured, and it certainly beats reading a trashy lesbian romance novel for 12 hours (okay, so I did that, too). And while the book infuriated me- I scribbled notes in the margins, I gasped and moaned and screeched at the book "You ridiculous woman, can't you see . . .", I came back to it later and re-read. And while none of my anger at her presentation and the conclusions she drew have disappated, I've looked back at some of the evidence and statistics she's presented and realized . . . she's right. So here goes:
Porn can be a wonderful thing. Porn can be educative, teaching watchers not only how to have sex in explicitly instructional videos, but also showing anatomy and how people generally have sex, as well as demonstrating different techniques and positions that can be used. Porn can give us a glimpse into worlds that we would otherwise have no way of experiencing: anybody who watches a type of porn that portrays sex they do not or cannot have is necessarily entering a foreign sexuality that would otherwise not be accessible, and I think that's something powerful- both educative and enlightening; it broadens our perceptions. Porn can be a powerful tool for rallying together a minority community and validating that identity as sexually attractive and worthy, as has been seen for bears (gay men, not the animals!), BBW and BHM communities, transpeople (just take a look at how FtM visibility has increased with Buck Angel getting some AVN limelight), and for so many others. Porn can allow us to safely explore desires without hurting ourselves or anyone else- while *certainly* not a guarantee of someone's sexuality, it can be an indicator and it's much better than "experimenting" with someone solely to see if you like that type of sex- why treat other human beings like sexual guinea pigs? Porn can help open up our sexual creativity and it can certainly help erase our inhibitions and shame and help us to grow as sexual beings. Porn can help us take out our sexual frustrations and is a nice companion with solo sex. It can spice up partnered sex. For the people who perform in porn, it can be equally positive: it can let them experience things they otherwise might not be able to (for example, using a fucking machine or having the best experts weilding electrostimulation tools on you so that you don't shock yourself to death), it can be a wonderful experience for exhibitionists, it can allow them to express their sexuality on film. And I'm probably forgetting a billion other ways in which porn can be positive and beautiful.
Now for the negative. I often think that porn is blamed for a lot of terrible, sad things that happened . . . but weren't actually the porn's fault. But I'm not going to go into that right now; this will be about the actual porn problems. Porn consumption can definitely negatively affect the viewer. Porn addiction is certainly a problem for many men and women, and its consequences can and have lead to failed marriages and have been the breaking point in relationships. People who watch porn too often may start to over-sexualize those around them, and not in a good way- becoming too focused on sexual aspects and evaluating people only on those terms. Likewise, someone who watches porn without understanding that it is a fantasy and [usually] not true to real-life sex practices can definitely get the wrong impression of what safe sex entails, how men and women and transpeople and whoever else get together (note: handymen and pizza delivery boys do not get it as often as you might think), how to treat a person, in particular a woman, the idea that women just cum in buckets when you give them absolutely no foreplay and then shove it in and out for half an hour, the idea that all men have 10" penises that can shoot a half a cup of semen 12' across the room after an hour of pounding sex. Porn can be somewhat desensitizing, and some people may want more and more so-called 'hardcore' porn to get the same reaction out of them. And for the people who work in porn, well, it can often be a bad environment, full of drugs, potentially dangerous situations, possible STD risks, and, depending on the studio in question, psychologically and emotionally damaging. There's a reason why there are so many pornstar autobiographies that don't have wonderful things to say about their line of work- because it often isn't a glamorous dream job, and there are horrible aspects to it. Porn has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people, and though I vehemently disagree, I can't say I don't sympathize with the wife who can't get her husband to have sex with her because he'd rather be online, or the young pornstar who was abused and mistreated in her scene- and not as something she had agreed to. This is the sort of thing that is evil, and instead of realizing that it's addiction and abuse that are bad things the world over, we see them in porn and scream "Porn is bad!".
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a sex-positive, feminist porn enthusiast. I own a lot of porn, I watch it, I advocate it, I talk about it, I share it with others, I advertise it, I think about it, I make some of it, I research it, I read about it and poll others on what they think. Years into my foray into the world of erotica, I'm still deliciously porn-curious, still angered and inspired by the controversies, still seeking statistics on when, how, what, where, and why we watch porn, as well as deeper psychological analyses on how we process it and what drives us. Porn is my passion, and, if it weren't obvious (if it isn't obvious, please, go and get your hearing and vision checked, maybe a catscan, too), I'm also ridiculously pro-porn.
But I'm also open-minded. The definition of open-minded, just in case you were forgetting, is not 'tries all sorts of new things', 'does what others consider stupid/dangerous/unconventional', or anything of that sort- those are the kind of definitions that are often touted in response not to true close-mindedness, but rather an attitude or stance that is unpopular, conventional, old-fashioned. Being open-minded, instead, is about being open to various possibilities and about equally evaluating any and all information before making up one's mind.
And while I believe that Americans and a lot of the rest of the world have some serious issues about sex (of which I am, of course, not immune) that they unjustly let poison their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on all matters of a sexual sort, that does not mean that I can simply dismiss them as "sex-negative" or call them prudes and be done with it. That is not being open-minded in the least, though it may certainly be the easier route. Not facing tough- and oftentimes real and important- criticisms by dismissive name-calling may leave your theories and self-esteem intact, but often at the cost of not truly defending your position. Instead of opening up a positive discussion and exchange of ideas, it only fosters stereotyping and widens the chasms that first separated us in the first place.
So I want to talk about the bad parts of porn. They're certainly there, and anybody who comes forward to try and whitewash the industry, to make excuses for things that oughtn't be excused, and otherwise insist with a tight-lipped grin that porn is a universally positive experience for all involved is lying or in serious denial. On a whim before my flight to Japan, I picked up Pamela Paul's "Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families". I got it as a challenge- hah! I'll read this and rip this thing to shreds on my Amazon.com review! (this was pre-blog, people). It's good to get to know your enemy, I figured, and it certainly beats reading a trashy lesbian romance novel for 12 hours (okay, so I did that, too). And while the book infuriated me- I scribbled notes in the margins, I gasped and moaned and screeched at the book "You ridiculous woman, can't you see . . .", I came back to it later and re-read. And while none of my anger at her presentation and the conclusions she drew have disappated, I've looked back at some of the evidence and statistics she's presented and realized . . . she's right. So here goes:
Porn can be a wonderful thing. Porn can be educative, teaching watchers not only how to have sex in explicitly instructional videos, but also showing anatomy and how people generally have sex, as well as demonstrating different techniques and positions that can be used. Porn can give us a glimpse into worlds that we would otherwise have no way of experiencing: anybody who watches a type of porn that portrays sex they do not or cannot have is necessarily entering a foreign sexuality that would otherwise not be accessible, and I think that's something powerful- both educative and enlightening; it broadens our perceptions. Porn can be a powerful tool for rallying together a minority community and validating that identity as sexually attractive and worthy, as has been seen for bears (gay men, not the animals!), BBW and BHM communities, transpeople (just take a look at how FtM visibility has increased with Buck Angel getting some AVN limelight), and for so many others. Porn can allow us to safely explore desires without hurting ourselves or anyone else- while *certainly* not a guarantee of someone's sexuality, it can be an indicator and it's much better than "experimenting" with someone solely to see if you like that type of sex- why treat other human beings like sexual guinea pigs? Porn can help open up our sexual creativity and it can certainly help erase our inhibitions and shame and help us to grow as sexual beings. Porn can help us take out our sexual frustrations and is a nice companion with solo sex. It can spice up partnered sex. For the people who perform in porn, it can be equally positive: it can let them experience things they otherwise might not be able to (for example, using a fucking machine or having the best experts weilding electrostimulation tools on you so that you don't shock yourself to death), it can be a wonderful experience for exhibitionists, it can allow them to express their sexuality on film. And I'm probably forgetting a billion other ways in which porn can be positive and beautiful.
Now for the negative. I often think that porn is blamed for a lot of terrible, sad things that happened . . . but weren't actually the porn's fault. But I'm not going to go into that right now; this will be about the actual porn problems. Porn consumption can definitely negatively affect the viewer. Porn addiction is certainly a problem for many men and women, and its consequences can and have lead to failed marriages and have been the breaking point in relationships. People who watch porn too often may start to over-sexualize those around them, and not in a good way- becoming too focused on sexual aspects and evaluating people only on those terms. Likewise, someone who watches porn without understanding that it is a fantasy and [usually] not true to real-life sex practices can definitely get the wrong impression of what safe sex entails, how men and women and transpeople and whoever else get together (note: handymen and pizza delivery boys do not get it as often as you might think), how to treat a person, in particular a woman, the idea that women just cum in buckets when you give them absolutely no foreplay and then shove it in and out for half an hour, the idea that all men have 10" penises that can shoot a half a cup of semen 12' across the room after an hour of pounding sex. Porn can be somewhat desensitizing, and some people may want more and more so-called 'hardcore' porn to get the same reaction out of them. And for the people who work in porn, well, it can often be a bad environment, full of drugs, potentially dangerous situations, possible STD risks, and, depending on the studio in question, psychologically and emotionally damaging. There's a reason why there are so many pornstar autobiographies that don't have wonderful things to say about their line of work- because it often isn't a glamorous dream job, and there are horrible aspects to it. Porn has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people, and though I vehemently disagree, I can't say I don't sympathize with the wife who can't get her husband to have sex with her because he'd rather be online, or the young pornstar who was abused and mistreated in her scene- and not as something she had agreed to. This is the sort of thing that is evil, and instead of realizing that it's addiction and abuse that are bad things the world over, we see them in porn and scream "Porn is bad!".
Monday, March 24, 2008
Hot 'N Queer: My Porn Recommendations
Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions from people asking me about various types of porn that I promote. I've finally decided to put all the information in one place for anyone who wants it. Enjoy! And if you have anything more to add, please leave a comment, since I definitely don't know about every piece of porn out there, and may have missed something really great.So we all know that the kind of porn that we watch doesn't necessarily reflect on our sexual orientations; if anything, the porn collections of most people will attest to that. I'm sure nobody could decide if I was a lesbian woman, gay man, straight man, straight woman, transperson, or anything by looking at the hodgepodge of stuff that I enjoy. But I do tend to stay away from a certain type of porn. The kind of porn I hate is fake and passionless. Everything about it is fake, from the boobs, hair color, tans, and smiles of its stars to the passion and the orgasms of its women. Nothing about it feels or looks like the kind of sex that I have, and because of that, I can't relate to it. it's often got this misogynistic tinge (or outright male chauvinistic message) that doesn't even bother with the pretense of female orgasms, calls women "bitches", "ho's", "sluts" (and not in the good way or in a specific BDSM-related context), and always seems to end with that cliched and standard facial cumshot (ugh). The lesbians in the porn I hate are not real lesbians- they are inept with one anothers' bodies, they gaze into the camera (and hence the presumed male viewer), and they adhere to a pornographic, heterosexual male standard of beauty and sexiness. The transwomen in the porn I hate are invariably given demeaning names ("shemale", "chicks with dicks"), the porn rarely exemplifies true trans experiences (like difficulty in getting erections when you've been on estrogen for a while), and are treated just as badly as non-trans girls in straight porn. The transmen in the porn I hate don't even exist. In the porn I hate, love, passion, and chemistry are all too rare, eschewed instead for big dicks, big tits, and wall-to-wall gangbang action that tries to make up for what it lacks with the 'quantity over quality' concept.
This list is not about the porn I hate; it's about the porn I love, the opposite of everything I listed above. It's realistic, it's passionate and loving (often with real-life couples), it treats women and sex as beautiful, positive things to be cherished, respected and enjoyed, it features safe sex, and it has real orgasms (my favorite!). Enjoy it. Buy it. Spread it around, because God knows that it's all too rare, and needs all the support it can get.
How To Read This List:
It's organized by the type of sex portrayed within (gay, lesbian, straight, trans, etc.), although you should remember that many of these categories can overlap and share areas with one another. I have them listed first with the production company, then the title, just to make it easier for you (as if putting clickable links wasn't kind enough!). Almost all of these movies can be found as VOD (video-on-demand) at Hot Movies For Her VOD, too, if you'd rather have it on your computer than as a hard copy or just want it instanteously instead of having to wait for it to ship.
Queer [Mainly Lesbian] Porn:
I add in "mainly lesbian" here as a qualifier because while this stuff is technically lesbian, it often features transmen in it, too, just to warn you, if that isn't your thing. All the porn listed here has a least one butch woman in it. I'm not saying that femme-femme porn can't be realistic, hot, and sexy (by God, of course it can!), but it's much easier to find positive and real femme-femme porn than it is to find butch-femme and/or butch-butch. Many of the videos and websites do have femme-femme in it, though, along with butches. So, in no particular order:
1) Pleasure Productions' "San Francisco Lesbians Series", Volumes 1-10
2) Factory Video Productions' "Working Girlz"
3) Pink & White Productions' "The Crash Pad". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
4) Pink & White Productions' "Superfreak". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
5) Pink & White Productions' "In Search Of Wild Kingdom". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
6) Pink & White Productions' "The Crash Pad Series, Volume 1". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
7) Early To Bed's "Coming Home"
8) Early To Bed's "Special Delivery"
9) S.I.R. Video's "Hard Love/How To Fuck In High Heels" (the two are sold together)
10) S.I.R. Video's "Sugar High Glitter City"
11) Fatale Media's "Afterschool Special"/"Turn Me Up, Over, and On" (the two are sold together)
12) Fatale Media's "Take Her Down!: Lesbian Erotic Oil Wrestling Party"
13) Fatale Media's "Full Load: Scenes From Ssspread.com"
14) Fatale Media's "Suburban Dykes"
15) Fatale Media's "Bathroom Sluts"
16) Dirty Pillows' "Pornograflics"
17) Mojo Video's "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians"
18) Hysterie Prod's "Pour Une Nuit"/"One Night Stand". And here is the film's Myspace, complete with lots of non-explicit preview videos.
19) Crash Pad Series Website
20) Good Dyke Porn Website
21) Cyber Dyke Website
Straight Porn:
I'm the first ot admit that I don't watch that much straight porn, for reasons cited above. So I don't claim to have all the great movies that you should be seeing. But here are the few that get my thumbs up, almost all from Comstock Films. NOTE: all of these are fabulous, because all have preview trailers on the sites so you can see what you're buying.
1) Comstock Films' "Jack and Marie: A Hardcore Love Story"
2) Comstock Films' "Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract"
3) Comstock Films' "Matt and Khym: Better Than Ever"
4) LUST Films' "Cinco Historias Para Ella"/"Five Hot Stories For Her"
5) Libido Films' "Trial Run"
6) Libido Films' "Urban Friction"
Gay Porn:
I watch a ton of gay male porn; I love it SOOO much. But (I confess!) I don't purchase much of it because there's just so much of it available for free on the Internet, and it's of a high-enough quality and good aesthetic and message that it sates all of my needs. So I can't provide much information here, but I will list a few that have caught my eye for going above and beyond:
1) Comstock Films' "Damon and Hunter: Doing It Together"
FtM Porn:
FtM porn has gotten a lot of attention because of butch hottie and total amazing transguy Buck Angel, who put FtM's on the map in the porn world and has carved out a niche for himself. He's won awards, gotten recognized in the adult entertainment community, and paved the way for those who follow. Can we get three cheers for Buck? But there are a couple of people who came before Buck, and several who have come after, to increase the FtM porn out there from 'nil' to 'some'. Oddly enough, most of the FtM porn out there (and most of the videos on Xtube, too) seem to be gay male/trannyfag in nature . . . I'm not sure why that might be or what it means, but that's the state of things, so if you're longing to see transmen with girls, you might have to wait a little bit longer. I'd also like to caution that many of the FtM's here are alongside lesbians or gay men, so go through them on a case-by-case basis to see what'll appeal to you:
1) Fatale Media's "Full Load: Scenes From Ssspread.com"
2) Dirty Pillows' "Pornograflics"
3) Hysterie Prod's "Pour Une Nuit"/"One Night Stand". And here is the film's Myspace, complete with lots of non-explicit preview videos.
4) Morty Diamond's "Trans Entities: The Nasty Love Of Papi and Will"
5) Morty Diamond's "Trannyfags"
6) Christopher Lee's "Alley Of The Tranny Boys"
7) Christoper Lee's "Sex Flesh In Blood" (I can't find this movie for sale anywhere; if you know where to get it, PLEASE tell me)
8) Trannywood Pictures' "Cubbyholes: Trans Men In Action". You can watch it with video-on-demand here.
9) Trannywood Pictures' "Couch Surfers: Trans Men In Action".
10) Buck Angel's "Transexual Man" Website. Buck's a totally prolific actor and has tons of movies, far too many to list here, so you can view all of them here.
11) Crash Pad Series Website
12) Red Handed Porn Website
MtF Porn:
Like I mentioned above, most "shemale" porn feels just as exploitative as the name implies. Where are real transwomen? Unfortunately, I've yet to find much in the way of real transwomen, but here are some sources:
1) Red Handed Porn Website
2) Crash Pad Series Website (has the first post-op transwoman ever in a professional porn- that I know of, at least. Her name's Julie!)
In Summation:
I hope that helps everyone! What can I say; I love porn, and the only way I can make sure that the kind of porn I like continues to get made is to spread the word so that people keep buying it and they'll keep making it. Not to mention that I love helping out individuals and couples who thought their kind of sex and the sort of things that turn them on didn't exist.
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