Monday, April 7, 2008

It's Tax Time . . .

My taxes are all done!

Okay, so fine, you caught me. I didn't actually do my taxes; my dad and Turbo Tax took care of it. And if all things turn out well, I'll be getting back a nice $300 or so (gosh, I hope so. I really want to pay off my credit card). But it got me thinking about where all my money's been going to lately. Aside from gas to cart me to and fro and the occasional (okay, fine, more than occasional) midnight snack of nachos, it's all been ... porn.

Porn, erotica, and the odd sex toy throw in. Of course, they weren't all bought at once, but when I take a look at my collection from a financial standpoint, well, um, it's a lot.

Let's factor it all in:

* I haven't recently counted every pornographic/sex-related DVD I own lately, but a quick tally in my head gives me a conservative estimate of around 25. And unfortunately, indie porn just isn't cheap. I understand why, of course, but that doesn't make my wallet cry any less. Averaging at about $40 a pop (to take in the delightfully cheap few I got with the abnormally high prices I paid for a couple of others), that means I've spent $1,000.00 on porn. Add in a recurring website subscription at $35 a month (going on for 7 months), and things just start to look really bad.

* Picture it: I do tremendous G-spot toy research. I am like a maverick, weighing the good of each toy against the bad. I am making An Investment For My Future Sexual Pleasure. I finally decide on Fun Factory's "G-Swirl" vibrator from Good Vibrations. It's beautiful. It works quite nice. Its engine quits on me in a month's time, and I weep . . . that's $64.00 down the drain. I guess the thing could still be worth it for someone, but as a dildo, I'm just not digging it.

* I am far too much of a sucker for written erotica, and because my adamant e-mail requests that the library buy everything on my wish list go mostly unanswered, I turn to Amazon. Ever since I got my credit card and a shippable address, I've ordered some 30-odd books either about sex, gender, or full of sexy stories. While prices range, giving them a rough average of $15 each, that's $450.00 bucks for printed paper. I swear, when I become rich beyond my wildest dreams (because of course that's what will happen), I shall make sure that libraries across the country, with the help of my grants, have lots of queer and trans erotica available for the poor and horny college students.

* I love music. I love getting off. Ergo I was way too intrigued by the OhMiBod vibrator, which hooks into your mp3 player (well, your Ipod, if you're not as poor as me) and is supposed to vibrate in sync to the beats of whatever you're listening to. Except that I can't get the darned thing to work half the time, and when it does, it doesn't take kindly to my list of sexy songs, preferring instead to vibrate only to loud and relatively unsexy artists like Bowling For Soup. I've given up on the stupid thing . . . and there's another $69.00 that I'll never get back.

Altogether, that means that I've spent roughly $1,600.00 on sexy stuff. I think it's amazing, and a little scary. Happy to support indie porn. Happy to be the kind of person who knows what turns her on and can get off. But still, thank goodness nobody has thought to ask me where all my money goes.

From now on, I'm off to the land of freebies: Xtube, Literotica, taking website tours and furiously jerking off to preview videos, Google Image Search (safe search off!), and the best softcore sex and nudity that cable TV can offer (dismally less now that Nip/Tuck is over).

Final thought: I hate being broke and knowing exactly where my money went :(

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