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Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I Watch So You Can Wank: "Couch Surfers: Trans Men In Action" Porn Review
Trannywood Pictures is a San Francisco-based newcomer to the porn scene, and are totally making waves with their hot FtM porn movies. Their first film, "Cubbyholes: Trans Men In Action" came out last year; since people are still discovering it, I'd love to do a review of that movie, too, but wanted to put down my thoughts on their most recent endeavor, "Couch Surfers: Trans Men In Action" first. So, without further ado, click below and let's first meet the guys in the film:
The engimatic cutie known as 'Lube Boy' [left] and Mark Van Helsing and Peter Pleas caught in a passionate embrace [right].
Suave hottie Ian Foxe [left] and G.I. Joe sexy Dex Hardlove [left].
Stud muffin Ian Sparks [right], and a smokin' Brett McCloskey [left].
Handsome CJ Cockburn [left] and Cupid racked by pleasure [right].
Now that you've met the hotties in the video, here's the movie breakdown:
Background Scene During Opening Credits: Mark Van Helsing (trans) and Peter Pleas (non-trans)
Scene Breakdown: The title and credits roll by as Peter leads Mark to the fated couch after which the movie is presumably named and the big bronze art piece of a male torso and rather well-endowed organ that hangs above (and serves as a nice zoom in/zoom out beginning and finish for so many scenes). Peter explores Mark a little bit and rims him while Mark jerks off, then the switch and Mark blows him (again, while enthusiastically jerking off). Mark next dons a harness and strap-on and fucks Peter in the ass, before finally finishing with some nice kissing.
My Thoughts: The entirety of the scene lasts only a minute and forty seconds, so there's really not that much to be said. While I think it's nice for there to be something playing to focus on during the credits, and to sort of get you hot and ready for what's about to come, it certainly seems like a waste of a good scene (might have been nice to put the full scene on the bonus disc, at least). Ah, well. I guess I'll have to leave it to my imagination.
Scene 1: Lube Boy (trans), Ian Sparks (non-trans), and Ian Foxe (trans)
Scene Breakdown: Lube Boy and Ian Sparks come up to the couch just as Mark and Peter are finishing up; they move off and some hot kissing ensues, only to be interrupted by poor left-out Ian Foxe ("Hey! You guys started without me."). He's quickly welcomed in, though, and kneels down in front of them, rubbing their cocks first through their clothes, working one in each hand after they pull them out of their pants, and finally sucking them while the boys kiss a little. Lube Boy runs off to go put on a cock while Ian F. dros his pants to show off his own underwear bulge. Ian F. sits on the couch and Ian S. rubs and tugs on his flaccid packing dick while mouthing his real trannycock through his underwear. Then Lube Boy arrives and it's fucking time: there's a brief try for a position bending Ian F. over the couch arm so he can get fucked at the same time he's sucking Ian S.'s cock, but it proves not-so-fantastic, so they move to the floor, this time on all fours in much the same configuration; again it doesn't do much, but third time's a charm, this time on his back. With a pillow under his head and ass, he's free to get fucked, rubbing Ian's cock a little in the beginning, but mostly leaving Ian to watch and jerk his strap-on off. After Ian F. comes, Ian S. gets his his "turn down on that cock" and sucks his [new, now erect] rubber cock while taking some lubed-up fingers to rub his trannycock at the same time. Lube Boy has Ian F. suck his cock a little bit but mostly sits back and watches and jerks off until Ian F. has a lovely orgasm and the boys share some wrap-up kisses.
My Thoughts: Once again, I love the fact that Ian Sparks dons a strap-on as he did in "Cubbyholes"; the queer factor goes through the roof for me when a non-trans man wears one. Must be something about the idea of there being an entire other cock down there getting turned on by his rubber cock being acted on . . . who knows. I also have to say that I had yet to see a packing dick in FtM or lesbian porn- it's always boom! raging hard strap-on, which is understandable. But as a girl who likes to watch the transition from soft to hard in non-trans guys, rather than simply starting off already erect, there's something really hot in Ian F. starting off soft and moving to hard. I don't know; the visual of Ian S. tugging on the flaccid cock really turned me on. So yippee for new and different things! This scene is fun and cute with a little dose of adorable awkwardness at times, some giggles and humor, and really hot sex and orgasms. There isn't really much intense passion and connection between the actors, though- they're having a good time, but if you're looking for the passionate "God, this is so hot, I can't wait to fuck you." sort of feeling from Dex and Ian F.'s scene in "Cubbyholes", it doesn't quite hit the mark. Also, the scene gets my mixed reviews about leaving in the parts where Ian F. gets himself comfortably situated; on one hand, I'm happy that there's a porn that shows that not everything feels good and is easy and perfect, and makes negotiation betwen partners a key element . . . and then on the other hand, there's my libido screaming "Man, I just started getting into it! C'mon!". So I'm still undecided on that front. But overall, the scene is hot, and I'll say it again- Ian Foxe has one of the most expressive faces I've seen in porn- I could get off just watching an above-the-neck view of him.
Scene 2: Ian Sparks (non-trans) and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: On a different couch in another room, Ian and Brett sit side by side and watch one another rub themselves through their towels before pulling them off and alternating between working on one another and watching each other while they play with themselves. Then Ian gets on his knees to suck Brett's trannycock until he comes and they switch roles and Brett gets to do the sucking until Ian declares he'd like to fuck him. They move and Brett gets on all fours to be taken from behind, is rolled onto his back for a little more, and they finally get Ian onto his back so that Brett can ride astride him. The scene doesn't really have a definite end; it's at this point in time, mid-fucking, when Dex Hardlove enters and starts the next, threesome-style scene.
My Thoughts: This is the passionate scene- the one where you feel like there's electricity crackling between the guys. As the only one-on-one scene in the movie (besides the opening one), it's also rather special. The guys have a close, fuck-buddy ease between them, an obvious knowledge of their bodies and how to go about pleasing them, and they just work together like clockwork. I don't know; I don't have much to say about this scene other than "It's good.".
Scene 3: Dex Hardlove (trans), Ian Sparks (non-trans), and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: This scene picks up with Dex Hardlove coming into the room to see Ian and Brett going at it. He dons some gloves, gets Lube Boy to pump him a few squirts, and approaches the boys with "How do you guys feel about getting some hands in your asses?" (they're all for it!). Brett and Ian stay in their previous position (Brett on top) for a little bit while Dex rubs and inserts a finger or two into each of them, but then they disengage and get on their hands and knees side by side for a more manageable position and Dex starts working on getting both of his hands into their asses while they each jerk off a little at the same time. After some nice handballin', the boys move, with Brett flipping over onto his back while keeping Dex's hand in him, and Ian getting the hand out of him completely to kneel over Brett. Brett frantically jerks off and comes hard (the first of many, uncountable times). There's lots more working over of his ass, interspersed with him coming, all while Ian jerks off over him, ocassionally getting his balls played with by Brett, and finally he shoots his load onto Brett's shiny spandex tank top. The scene ends with the exhausted boys lying together and thanking Dex. Ian declares himself done and ready for a shower, but Dex stops Brett when he would get up, telling him "Ah-ah-ah, not yet. I've fisted you, now I want to fuck you." . . . leading into the next scene.
My Thoughts: The ass-fisting in this scene never gets to sunk-in-to-the-wrists, gaping-loose kind of action you sometimes see in fisting scenes, but I still think it's pretty remarkable how well and quickly Dex gets in there (as well as just a general round of applause for sheer multitasking- fisting takes a lot of careful consideration and skill, so doing it times two is definitely comendable). My biggest complaint would be the positioning that never allows the camera to capture the looks of pleasure on Brett and Ian's (or even really Dex's) faces; that would've made it for me. As it was, I had to get by on the sounds they make (which are hot- particularly when, at a certain point, they both look backwards and sort of tilt their heads together and almost harmonize together in their moaning). The sheer raw pleasure you see in Brett is just enough to get anyone rock hard or dripping wet, I think- the guy holds nothing back. Hot, hot, hot. Just the setup of the scene itself- double ass fisting- warrants a big old kudos.
Scene 4: Dex Hardlove (trans), Ian Foxe (trans), and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: The scene continues from where the last left off; Ian scampers off and Dex rubs and lightly finger-fucks Brett a little before instructing Lube Boy to go fetch Ian Foxe, who's hanging all alone on the couch from the first scene, reading a sexy magazine with his hands down his pants. He comes on up, dons a glove and some lube under Dex's instruction, then gets to work jerking off and then fingering Brett, while Dex jerks off his own strap-on and supervises. Dex then dons a condom and has Brett suck him off while Ian does a multitasking feat, finger-fucking Brett with one hand and pulling out his own strap-on one-handed and jacking it off. Everyone then rearranges themselves; Brett gets on his hands and knees to suck Ian's cock while Dex fucks him from behind with some nice ass-slapping. Dex comes just that way and then passes Brett off to Ian. Dex watches and rubs his cock while Ian fucks Brett until they both come hard, and the scene ends with a very happy Brett getting his head petted and told "Good boy." by Dex.
My Thoughts: Yowza! This scene is so hot, writing about it might melt my laptop. It works on so many reasons: Dex is the ultimate top; he is very confident at all moments, even when there are condom difficulties and whatnot. He just exudes command and authority and leads the scene very well, giving it the perfect structure. He can also dirty talk like nobody else (and I'm a stickler for dirty talk . . . I love it, but so few can pull it off). This is by far the loudest scene in the movie and it just makes it. And of course, Brett as the focus of all this hot action just seals the deal. I also got a nice little thrill seeing Ian Foxe top (he's delicious bottoming, but switching things up is always good!). Also: hooray for the red handprint that Dex leaves on Brett's ass when he slaps it. Hot! This is my go-to scene when I want to get off; it's golden.
Scene 5: CJ Cockburn (trans), Cupid (trans), and Peter Pleas (non-trans)
Scene Breakdown: The scene opens up on Peter and Cupid fooling around on the couch, kissing and rubbing as CJ plunks himself down next to the twosome and turns it into a threesome. There's hot threeway kissing, a quick fade, and all boys are now naked or in jockstraps, touching and rubbing and grabbing for one another in a hot free-for-all. CJ gets down on his knees to suck Cupid's trannycock while Peter watches and jerks off and later kisses Cupid and rubs and slaps his chest. They switch things around and now it's Cupid and CJ working together on Peter (CJ sucking, Cupid doing the chest slapping and nipple sucking) while he lazily rubs Cupid's crotch. The scene fades to black and when we come back, Peter is on his back on the floor getting his cock sucked by CJ while Cupid crouches over his face, getting an enthusiastic eating-out. The scene fades again and now the boys are back on the couch: CJ is sitting with Cupid riding his strap-on and Peter jerks off behind them. The guys then pull off CJ's jockstrap and lay him out on the couch; Cupid starts sucking his trannycock and Peter leans up over the arm of the couch to kiss him upside down. CJ watches the action on himself and gives his thumb and fingers to Peter to suck and lick, before they move yet again, Peter going down on on CJ while Cupid nuzzles him and rubs his stomach and chest. The two of them share his trannycock for a short bit, then kiss a little, and Cupid takes over and Peter goes back to being the watcher/helper. They switch again and CJ comes from Peter sucking him off. The scene fades out and when it opens up again, CJ and Cupid are both alternatively sucking and jerking Peter's cock until he comes all over his belly, the boys smile, and the scene fades out.
My Thoughts: The guys in this scene are so quiet! Seriously, you can hear a pin drop. But it seems natural to them and I'd rather they be quiet than have bad or fake-sounding dirty talk or sounds. There's a lot of movement in this scene . . . while I liked the switching and turn-taking and new and different positions, part of me wished the boys would just stay put in one place for a while. And the constant fade-to-blacks, like they always do, tend to pull me out of the moment as I scratch my head, wondering "Okay, they were over there. How did they get over here?". But the sex is hot and the scene has a whole lazy, let's-enjoy-each-other feel to it that I really like. And for some reason, even though he wasn't particuarly remarkable (I mean, moreso than any of the other guys), I still find myself crushing on Cupid . . . he's just so dang cute. Also, the face-sitting scene was H-O-T; I rarely see that in porn but it definitely makes me want more.
And so, essentially, that's the movie. Much like "Cubbyholes", it comes with a bonus "First Timer's Guide To Playing With Trans Guys" (which gets so many thumbs up, I wish I had ten hands). There's also a bonus disc featuring a sexy, sexy preview or "taste", if you will, of what their upcoming film "Trannywood Goes Wild" will be like. I won't delve into it here, but let's just say that all the trans boys are lounging around and a little horseplay turns into, just, yumminess.
I'm going to sum up my last thoughts as a list of pros and cons, the things for me that really helped and hurt the movie (in my opinion).
Pros:
* I'm smitten with Brett McCloskey! I have to admit it; I'm not really that crazy about bears or bearish guys- they're just not my main type sexually (though they are cuties that I want to snuggle with). So when Brett came into frame, I felt a little lackluster. Boy, was I wrong! The best way a porn star can win me over is through their attitude and enthusiasm and passion, and Mr. McCloskey has all three in spades. You hear the words "fucking greedy pig" thrown around in a lot of porn, but when Dex calls him that, it's just true. Brett grunts and makes wild animal noises, groans and moans in his deep and twangy Southern drawl, plays with himself while giving a blowjob, and has a true sexual hunger- you can tell that it isn't "Oh, I'll suck this cock because it's porn and I should.", but because it really turns him on. While he's lovely one-on-one with Ian Sparks, Brett positively shines in the threesomes, when Dex Hardlove and later Ian Foxe are brought in. Can I cast my vote for Brett to be the focus of some future delicious gangbang?
Cons:
* Camera angles and set-ups. Although I try to forgive poorer camerawork and cinematography in smaller and more indie porn if the action is real and passionate, some of the movie's choices just seem really bad for the viewer- for example, the double fisting scene was hot, but the entire time I was wishing I could see the expressions on Ian and Brett's faces- something that could easily have been fixed by rearranging them so that they weren't facing the wall. On the other hand, though, the camera-from-above shot used in the last scene absolutely worked for me, and I found it totally increased the hotness.
* Same music. My discerning ear wasn't sure if every piece of music was recycled, but some of it definitely was. Yes, it was good the first time around . . . but nothing new?
Bah Bah Bah Bahhh . . . My Final Decree:
Altogether, I give "Couch Surfers" a hearty 4 1/2 stars, two big thumbs up, and a recommendation for anyone who wants some hot trans porn.
Now that you've met the hotties in the video, here's the movie breakdown:
Background Scene During Opening Credits: Mark Van Helsing (trans) and Peter Pleas (non-trans)
Scene Breakdown: The title and credits roll by as Peter leads Mark to the fated couch after which the movie is presumably named and the big bronze art piece of a male torso and rather well-endowed organ that hangs above (and serves as a nice zoom in/zoom out beginning and finish for so many scenes). Peter explores Mark a little bit and rims him while Mark jerks off, then the switch and Mark blows him (again, while enthusiastically jerking off). Mark next dons a harness and strap-on and fucks Peter in the ass, before finally finishing with some nice kissing.
My Thoughts: The entirety of the scene lasts only a minute and forty seconds, so there's really not that much to be said. While I think it's nice for there to be something playing to focus on during the credits, and to sort of get you hot and ready for what's about to come, it certainly seems like a waste of a good scene (might have been nice to put the full scene on the bonus disc, at least). Ah, well. I guess I'll have to leave it to my imagination.
Scene 1: Lube Boy (trans), Ian Sparks (non-trans), and Ian Foxe (trans)
Scene Breakdown: Lube Boy and Ian Sparks come up to the couch just as Mark and Peter are finishing up; they move off and some hot kissing ensues, only to be interrupted by poor left-out Ian Foxe ("Hey! You guys started without me."). He's quickly welcomed in, though, and kneels down in front of them, rubbing their cocks first through their clothes, working one in each hand after they pull them out of their pants, and finally sucking them while the boys kiss a little. Lube Boy runs off to go put on a cock while Ian F. dros his pants to show off his own underwear bulge. Ian F. sits on the couch and Ian S. rubs and tugs on his flaccid packing dick while mouthing his real trannycock through his underwear. Then Lube Boy arrives and it's fucking time: there's a brief try for a position bending Ian F. over the couch arm so he can get fucked at the same time he's sucking Ian S.'s cock, but it proves not-so-fantastic, so they move to the floor, this time on all fours in much the same configuration; again it doesn't do much, but third time's a charm, this time on his back. With a pillow under his head and ass, he's free to get fucked, rubbing Ian's cock a little in the beginning, but mostly leaving Ian to watch and jerk his strap-on off. After Ian F. comes, Ian S. gets his his "turn down on that cock" and sucks his [new, now erect] rubber cock while taking some lubed-up fingers to rub his trannycock at the same time. Lube Boy has Ian F. suck his cock a little bit but mostly sits back and watches and jerks off until Ian F. has a lovely orgasm and the boys share some wrap-up kisses.
My Thoughts: Once again, I love the fact that Ian Sparks dons a strap-on as he did in "Cubbyholes"; the queer factor goes through the roof for me when a non-trans man wears one. Must be something about the idea of there being an entire other cock down there getting turned on by his rubber cock being acted on . . . who knows. I also have to say that I had yet to see a packing dick in FtM or lesbian porn- it's always boom! raging hard strap-on, which is understandable. But as a girl who likes to watch the transition from soft to hard in non-trans guys, rather than simply starting off already erect, there's something really hot in Ian F. starting off soft and moving to hard. I don't know; the visual of Ian S. tugging on the flaccid cock really turned me on. So yippee for new and different things! This scene is fun and cute with a little dose of adorable awkwardness at times, some giggles and humor, and really hot sex and orgasms. There isn't really much intense passion and connection between the actors, though- they're having a good time, but if you're looking for the passionate "God, this is so hot, I can't wait to fuck you." sort of feeling from Dex and Ian F.'s scene in "Cubbyholes", it doesn't quite hit the mark. Also, the scene gets my mixed reviews about leaving in the parts where Ian F. gets himself comfortably situated; on one hand, I'm happy that there's a porn that shows that not everything feels good and is easy and perfect, and makes negotiation betwen partners a key element . . . and then on the other hand, there's my libido screaming "Man, I just started getting into it! C'mon!". So I'm still undecided on that front. But overall, the scene is hot, and I'll say it again- Ian Foxe has one of the most expressive faces I've seen in porn- I could get off just watching an above-the-neck view of him.
Scene 2: Ian Sparks (non-trans) and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: On a different couch in another room, Ian and Brett sit side by side and watch one another rub themselves through their towels before pulling them off and alternating between working on one another and watching each other while they play with themselves. Then Ian gets on his knees to suck Brett's trannycock until he comes and they switch roles and Brett gets to do the sucking until Ian declares he'd like to fuck him. They move and Brett gets on all fours to be taken from behind, is rolled onto his back for a little more, and they finally get Ian onto his back so that Brett can ride astride him. The scene doesn't really have a definite end; it's at this point in time, mid-fucking, when Dex Hardlove enters and starts the next, threesome-style scene.
My Thoughts: This is the passionate scene- the one where you feel like there's electricity crackling between the guys. As the only one-on-one scene in the movie (besides the opening one), it's also rather special. The guys have a close, fuck-buddy ease between them, an obvious knowledge of their bodies and how to go about pleasing them, and they just work together like clockwork. I don't know; I don't have much to say about this scene other than "It's good.".
Scene 3: Dex Hardlove (trans), Ian Sparks (non-trans), and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: This scene picks up with Dex Hardlove coming into the room to see Ian and Brett going at it. He dons some gloves, gets Lube Boy to pump him a few squirts, and approaches the boys with "How do you guys feel about getting some hands in your asses?" (they're all for it!). Brett and Ian stay in their previous position (Brett on top) for a little bit while Dex rubs and inserts a finger or two into each of them, but then they disengage and get on their hands and knees side by side for a more manageable position and Dex starts working on getting both of his hands into their asses while they each jerk off a little at the same time. After some nice handballin', the boys move, with Brett flipping over onto his back while keeping Dex's hand in him, and Ian getting the hand out of him completely to kneel over Brett. Brett frantically jerks off and comes hard (the first of many, uncountable times). There's lots more working over of his ass, interspersed with him coming, all while Ian jerks off over him, ocassionally getting his balls played with by Brett, and finally he shoots his load onto Brett's shiny spandex tank top. The scene ends with the exhausted boys lying together and thanking Dex. Ian declares himself done and ready for a shower, but Dex stops Brett when he would get up, telling him "Ah-ah-ah, not yet. I've fisted you, now I want to fuck you." . . . leading into the next scene.
My Thoughts: The ass-fisting in this scene never gets to sunk-in-to-the-wrists, gaping-loose kind of action you sometimes see in fisting scenes, but I still think it's pretty remarkable how well and quickly Dex gets in there (as well as just a general round of applause for sheer multitasking- fisting takes a lot of careful consideration and skill, so doing it times two is definitely comendable). My biggest complaint would be the positioning that never allows the camera to capture the looks of pleasure on Brett and Ian's (or even really Dex's) faces; that would've made it for me. As it was, I had to get by on the sounds they make (which are hot- particularly when, at a certain point, they both look backwards and sort of tilt their heads together and almost harmonize together in their moaning). The sheer raw pleasure you see in Brett is just enough to get anyone rock hard or dripping wet, I think- the guy holds nothing back. Hot, hot, hot. Just the setup of the scene itself- double ass fisting- warrants a big old kudos.
Scene 4: Dex Hardlove (trans), Ian Foxe (trans), and Brett McCloskey (trans)
Scene Breakdown: The scene continues from where the last left off; Ian scampers off and Dex rubs and lightly finger-fucks Brett a little before instructing Lube Boy to go fetch Ian Foxe, who's hanging all alone on the couch from the first scene, reading a sexy magazine with his hands down his pants. He comes on up, dons a glove and some lube under Dex's instruction, then gets to work jerking off and then fingering Brett, while Dex jerks off his own strap-on and supervises. Dex then dons a condom and has Brett suck him off while Ian does a multitasking feat, finger-fucking Brett with one hand and pulling out his own strap-on one-handed and jacking it off. Everyone then rearranges themselves; Brett gets on his hands and knees to suck Ian's cock while Dex fucks him from behind with some nice ass-slapping. Dex comes just that way and then passes Brett off to Ian. Dex watches and rubs his cock while Ian fucks Brett until they both come hard, and the scene ends with a very happy Brett getting his head petted and told "Good boy." by Dex.
My Thoughts: Yowza! This scene is so hot, writing about it might melt my laptop. It works on so many reasons: Dex is the ultimate top; he is very confident at all moments, even when there are condom difficulties and whatnot. He just exudes command and authority and leads the scene very well, giving it the perfect structure. He can also dirty talk like nobody else (and I'm a stickler for dirty talk . . . I love it, but so few can pull it off). This is by far the loudest scene in the movie and it just makes it. And of course, Brett as the focus of all this hot action just seals the deal. I also got a nice little thrill seeing Ian Foxe top (he's delicious bottoming, but switching things up is always good!). Also: hooray for the red handprint that Dex leaves on Brett's ass when he slaps it. Hot! This is my go-to scene when I want to get off; it's golden.
Scene 5: CJ Cockburn (trans), Cupid (trans), and Peter Pleas (non-trans)
Scene Breakdown: The scene opens up on Peter and Cupid fooling around on the couch, kissing and rubbing as CJ plunks himself down next to the twosome and turns it into a threesome. There's hot threeway kissing, a quick fade, and all boys are now naked or in jockstraps, touching and rubbing and grabbing for one another in a hot free-for-all. CJ gets down on his knees to suck Cupid's trannycock while Peter watches and jerks off and later kisses Cupid and rubs and slaps his chest. They switch things around and now it's Cupid and CJ working together on Peter (CJ sucking, Cupid doing the chest slapping and nipple sucking) while he lazily rubs Cupid's crotch. The scene fades to black and when we come back, Peter is on his back on the floor getting his cock sucked by CJ while Cupid crouches over his face, getting an enthusiastic eating-out. The scene fades again and now the boys are back on the couch: CJ is sitting with Cupid riding his strap-on and Peter jerks off behind them. The guys then pull off CJ's jockstrap and lay him out on the couch; Cupid starts sucking his trannycock and Peter leans up over the arm of the couch to kiss him upside down. CJ watches the action on himself and gives his thumb and fingers to Peter to suck and lick, before they move yet again, Peter going down on on CJ while Cupid nuzzles him and rubs his stomach and chest. The two of them share his trannycock for a short bit, then kiss a little, and Cupid takes over and Peter goes back to being the watcher/helper. They switch again and CJ comes from Peter sucking him off. The scene fades out and when it opens up again, CJ and Cupid are both alternatively sucking and jerking Peter's cock until he comes all over his belly, the boys smile, and the scene fades out.
My Thoughts: The guys in this scene are so quiet! Seriously, you can hear a pin drop. But it seems natural to them and I'd rather they be quiet than have bad or fake-sounding dirty talk or sounds. There's a lot of movement in this scene . . . while I liked the switching and turn-taking and new and different positions, part of me wished the boys would just stay put in one place for a while. And the constant fade-to-blacks, like they always do, tend to pull me out of the moment as I scratch my head, wondering "Okay, they were over there. How did they get over here?". But the sex is hot and the scene has a whole lazy, let's-enjoy-each-other feel to it that I really like. And for some reason, even though he wasn't particuarly remarkable (I mean, moreso than any of the other guys), I still find myself crushing on Cupid . . . he's just so dang cute. Also, the face-sitting scene was H-O-T; I rarely see that in porn but it definitely makes me want more.
And so, essentially, that's the movie. Much like "Cubbyholes", it comes with a bonus "First Timer's Guide To Playing With Trans Guys" (which gets so many thumbs up, I wish I had ten hands). There's also a bonus disc featuring a sexy, sexy preview or "taste", if you will, of what their upcoming film "Trannywood Goes Wild" will be like. I won't delve into it here, but let's just say that all the trans boys are lounging around and a little horseplay turns into, just, yumminess.
I'm going to sum up my last thoughts as a list of pros and cons, the things for me that really helped and hurt the movie (in my opinion).
Pros:
* I'm smitten with Brett McCloskey! I have to admit it; I'm not really that crazy about bears or bearish guys- they're just not my main type sexually (though they are cuties that I want to snuggle with). So when Brett came into frame, I felt a little lackluster. Boy, was I wrong! The best way a porn star can win me over is through their attitude and enthusiasm and passion, and Mr. McCloskey has all three in spades. You hear the words "fucking greedy pig" thrown around in a lot of porn, but when Dex calls him that, it's just true. Brett grunts and makes wild animal noises, groans and moans in his deep and twangy Southern drawl, plays with himself while giving a blowjob, and has a true sexual hunger- you can tell that it isn't "Oh, I'll suck this cock because it's porn and I should.", but because it really turns him on. While he's lovely one-on-one with Ian Sparks, Brett positively shines in the threesomes, when Dex Hardlove and later Ian Foxe are brought in. Can I cast my vote for Brett to be the focus of some future delicious gangbang?
Cons:
* Camera angles and set-ups. Although I try to forgive poorer camerawork and cinematography in smaller and more indie porn if the action is real and passionate, some of the movie's choices just seem really bad for the viewer- for example, the double fisting scene was hot, but the entire time I was wishing I could see the expressions on Ian and Brett's faces- something that could easily have been fixed by rearranging them so that they weren't facing the wall. On the other hand, though, the camera-from-above shot used in the last scene absolutely worked for me, and I found it totally increased the hotness.
* Same music. My discerning ear wasn't sure if every piece of music was recycled, but some of it definitely was. Yes, it was good the first time around . . . but nothing new?
Bah Bah Bah Bahhh . . . My Final Decree:
Altogether, I give "Couch Surfers" a hearty 4 1/2 stars, two big thumbs up, and a recommendation for anyone who wants some hot trans porn.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I Smoked Marijuana Once (a.k.a. Lock Her Up, She's A Drug Addict!)
Well, I did it. Last weekend, I told my parents that I, Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, have indeed smoked the ganja. It wasn't planned at all; this wasn't a "Let's sit down and discuss what chemicals I have been putting in my body.". Somehow we were talking about something related to it in the car driving back from the movies. My younger brother then made a claim along the lines of "Yeah, people who smoke it do other stuff, too." and I was so agitated I had to spontaneously (surprised myself, in fact) retort: "Oh come on, marijuana is not a gateway drug.". I think the vehemence of my response got everyone's attention, and then came the sly, joking "How would you know?" from my parents. And there was a long, drawn-out moment where I debated the simple get-out-of-jail-free card of denying it and going along with the unchallenged belief that marijuana is the devil's weed firmly in place in my family, or . . . not. And so I said it, plainly and simply: "Yeah, I've tried it."
Cue: the chaos.
Well, not really. I mean, I wasn't lashed to the stern and whipped or anything, but there were some shrieks from my mother and a good-natured "You could have gotten your passport revoked." from my dad (who, for the record, smoked some himself in his youth). It was all greatly mitigated by my repeated "I didn't care for it." . . . God help me if I had actually enjoyed the stuff.
For it's the truth. I don't know if I'd been expecting a more dreamy and psychadelic state, but I at least wanted it to be a more giggly experience than it was: I felt disassociated from my body and too fuzzy, like I couldn't focus on what was going on, where instead I wanted it to be vibrant and intense. I simply wasn't impressed by marijuana. It stinks and quite frankly, the inhaling the hot smoke into my lungs was a horrid feeling that I'd rather never repeat. Nothing about the experience made me say "Yes, give it to me again!". And so when I had the opportunity recently to do it here in the U.S., I politely declined. Simple as that- I was introduced to it, did it, decided it wasn't my thang.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Hot 'N Queer: My Porn Recommendations
Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions from people asking me about various types of porn that I promote. I've finally decided to put all the information in one place for anyone who wants it. Enjoy! And if you have anything more to add, please leave a comment, since I definitely don't know about every piece of porn out there, and may have missed something really great.So we all know that the kind of porn that we watch doesn't necessarily reflect on our sexual orientations; if anything, the porn collections of most people will attest to that. I'm sure nobody could decide if I was a lesbian woman, gay man, straight man, straight woman, transperson, or anything by looking at the hodgepodge of stuff that I enjoy. But I do tend to stay away from a certain type of porn. The kind of porn I hate is fake and passionless. Everything about it is fake, from the boobs, hair color, tans, and smiles of its stars to the passion and the orgasms of its women. Nothing about it feels or looks like the kind of sex that I have, and because of that, I can't relate to it. it's often got this misogynistic tinge (or outright male chauvinistic message) that doesn't even bother with the pretense of female orgasms, calls women "bitches", "ho's", "sluts" (and not in the good way or in a specific BDSM-related context), and always seems to end with that cliched and standard facial cumshot (ugh). The lesbians in the porn I hate are not real lesbians- they are inept with one anothers' bodies, they gaze into the camera (and hence the presumed male viewer), and they adhere to a pornographic, heterosexual male standard of beauty and sexiness. The transwomen in the porn I hate are invariably given demeaning names ("shemale", "chicks with dicks"), the porn rarely exemplifies true trans experiences (like difficulty in getting erections when you've been on estrogen for a while), and are treated just as badly as non-trans girls in straight porn. The transmen in the porn I hate don't even exist. In the porn I hate, love, passion, and chemistry are all too rare, eschewed instead for big dicks, big tits, and wall-to-wall gangbang action that tries to make up for what it lacks with the 'quantity over quality' concept.
This list is not about the porn I hate; it's about the porn I love, the opposite of everything I listed above. It's realistic, it's passionate and loving (often with real-life couples), it treats women and sex as beautiful, positive things to be cherished, respected and enjoyed, it features safe sex, and it has real orgasms (my favorite!). Enjoy it. Buy it. Spread it around, because God knows that it's all too rare, and needs all the support it can get.
How To Read This List:
It's organized by the type of sex portrayed within (gay, lesbian, straight, trans, etc.), although you should remember that many of these categories can overlap and share areas with one another. I have them listed first with the production company, then the title, just to make it easier for you (as if putting clickable links wasn't kind enough!). Almost all of these movies can be found as VOD (video-on-demand) at Hot Movies For Her VOD, too, if you'd rather have it on your computer than as a hard copy or just want it instanteously instead of having to wait for it to ship.
Queer [Mainly Lesbian] Porn:
I add in "mainly lesbian" here as a qualifier because while this stuff is technically lesbian, it often features transmen in it, too, just to warn you, if that isn't your thing. All the porn listed here has a least one butch woman in it. I'm not saying that femme-femme porn can't be realistic, hot, and sexy (by God, of course it can!), but it's much easier to find positive and real femme-femme porn than it is to find butch-femme and/or butch-butch. Many of the videos and websites do have femme-femme in it, though, along with butches. So, in no particular order:
1) Pleasure Productions' "San Francisco Lesbians Series", Volumes 1-10
2) Factory Video Productions' "Working Girlz"
3) Pink & White Productions' "The Crash Pad". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
4) Pink & White Productions' "Superfreak". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
5) Pink & White Productions' "In Search Of Wild Kingdom". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
6) Pink & White Productions' "The Crash Pad Series, Volume 1". You can watch the preview trailer for the movie here.
7) Early To Bed's "Coming Home"
8) Early To Bed's "Special Delivery"
9) S.I.R. Video's "Hard Love/How To Fuck In High Heels" (the two are sold together)
10) S.I.R. Video's "Sugar High Glitter City"
11) Fatale Media's "Afterschool Special"/"Turn Me Up, Over, and On" (the two are sold together)
12) Fatale Media's "Take Her Down!: Lesbian Erotic Oil Wrestling Party"
13) Fatale Media's "Full Load: Scenes From Ssspread.com"
14) Fatale Media's "Suburban Dykes"
15) Fatale Media's "Bathroom Sluts"
16) Dirty Pillows' "Pornograflics"
17) Mojo Video's "Real Butch Dyke Lesbians"
18) Hysterie Prod's "Pour Une Nuit"/"One Night Stand". And here is the film's Myspace, complete with lots of non-explicit preview videos.
19) Crash Pad Series Website
20) Good Dyke Porn Website
21) Cyber Dyke Website
Straight Porn:
I'm the first ot admit that I don't watch that much straight porn, for reasons cited above. So I don't claim to have all the great movies that you should be seeing. But here are the few that get my thumbs up, almost all from Comstock Films. NOTE: all of these are fabulous, because all have preview trailers on the sites so you can see what you're buying.
1) Comstock Films' "Jack and Marie: A Hardcore Love Story"
2) Comstock Films' "Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract"
3) Comstock Films' "Matt and Khym: Better Than Ever"
4) LUST Films' "Cinco Historias Para Ella"/"Five Hot Stories For Her"
5) Libido Films' "Trial Run"
6) Libido Films' "Urban Friction"
Gay Porn:
I watch a ton of gay male porn; I love it SOOO much. But (I confess!) I don't purchase much of it because there's just so much of it available for free on the Internet, and it's of a high-enough quality and good aesthetic and message that it sates all of my needs. So I can't provide much information here, but I will list a few that have caught my eye for going above and beyond:
1) Comstock Films' "Damon and Hunter: Doing It Together"
FtM Porn:
FtM porn has gotten a lot of attention because of butch hottie and total amazing transguy Buck Angel, who put FtM's on the map in the porn world and has carved out a niche for himself. He's won awards, gotten recognized in the adult entertainment community, and paved the way for those who follow. Can we get three cheers for Buck? But there are a couple of people who came before Buck, and several who have come after, to increase the FtM porn out there from 'nil' to 'some'. Oddly enough, most of the FtM porn out there (and most of the videos on Xtube, too) seem to be gay male/trannyfag in nature . . . I'm not sure why that might be or what it means, but that's the state of things, so if you're longing to see transmen with girls, you might have to wait a little bit longer. I'd also like to caution that many of the FtM's here are alongside lesbians or gay men, so go through them on a case-by-case basis to see what'll appeal to you:
1) Fatale Media's "Full Load: Scenes From Ssspread.com"
2) Dirty Pillows' "Pornograflics"
3) Hysterie Prod's "Pour Une Nuit"/"One Night Stand". And here is the film's Myspace, complete with lots of non-explicit preview videos.
4) Morty Diamond's "Trans Entities: The Nasty Love Of Papi and Will"
5) Morty Diamond's "Trannyfags"
6) Christopher Lee's "Alley Of The Tranny Boys"
7) Christoper Lee's "Sex Flesh In Blood" (I can't find this movie for sale anywhere; if you know where to get it, PLEASE tell me)
8) Trannywood Pictures' "Cubbyholes: Trans Men In Action". You can watch it with video-on-demand here.
9) Trannywood Pictures' "Couch Surfers: Trans Men In Action".
10) Buck Angel's "Transexual Man" Website. Buck's a totally prolific actor and has tons of movies, far too many to list here, so you can view all of them here.
11) Crash Pad Series Website
12) Red Handed Porn Website
MtF Porn:
Like I mentioned above, most "shemale" porn feels just as exploitative as the name implies. Where are real transwomen? Unfortunately, I've yet to find much in the way of real transwomen, but here are some sources:
1) Red Handed Porn Website
2) Crash Pad Series Website (has the first post-op transwoman ever in a professional porn- that I know of, at least. Her name's Julie!)
In Summation:
I hope that helps everyone! What can I say; I love porn, and the only way I can make sure that the kind of porn I like continues to get made is to spread the word so that people keep buying it and they'll keep making it. Not to mention that I love helping out individuals and couples who thought their kind of sex and the sort of things that turn them on didn't exist.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Bisexual Star Fucker: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert
"Bisexual Star Fucker" is my new (hopefully, if I stay on-schedule) weekly blog where I lust after, drool over, post deliciously salacious pictures of, extol the virtues of, and otherwise pimp out two stars (one female, one male) who get me hot. Looking for David Beckham and Posh Spice? Go somewhere else, because mainstream stars that everyone else is salivating for just aren't my thing. Seriously- crushing on Johnny Depp is so boring. But now, the girl or guy who tells me they get all squirmy when Steve Buscemi comes onscreen, well, that's someone I want to talk to and get to know.
And, in honor of really good segues, here come two more people I want you to meet: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert. Chances are you've heard of them, particularly if you like wacky black humor or political satire. And if you haven't, well, here's your chance. I've presented these two together because, if you know anything about them, you'll know that they're peas in a pod, longtime buddies, co-stars, co-authors, 2/3 of a threesome rounded out by Paul Dinello. It just feels right.
And, in honor of really good segues, here come two more people I want you to meet: Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert. Chances are you've heard of them, particularly if you like wacky black humor or political satire. And if you haven't, well, here's your chance. I've presented these two together because, if you know anything about them, you'll know that they're peas in a pod, longtime buddies, co-stars, co-authors, 2/3 of a threesome rounded out by Paul Dinello. It just feels right.
I.
Want.
To.
Lick.
Her.
I don't know what photographer decided to give Amy a can of whipped cream and multicolored sprinkles, but I'd like to say, right now: Thank You.
If the above pictures haven't clued you in, Amy Sedaris is hot. Not only is she hot, though; she's also funny, zany, ecclectic, openly weird, smart, witty, talented out the wazoo, and uber-cute. And she has that brazen, in-your-face sort of attitude where you just know (or hope?) that she'd be wildly crazy and inventive in bed . . . the sort of girl who unexpectedly shoves a finger up an unsuspecting asshole, or comes at you from the bedroom wearing a full-body squirrel suit as she asks "Wanna bust a nut?" (And, for record, I do!).
I even love these pictures of a bruised-and-beaten naked Amy with a shiner, messily gorging on a pile of snack cakes. I swear, I don't have a wet and messy fetish. She just looks so dang good all smeared up, don't you agree?
No, I'm not an acrotomophiliac (yet?), but there's something so very deliciously wrong, and, yes, sexy, about a perfectly healthy lady strapping on a prostethic hook-ended arm the way another woman might don, oh, say, pearls. I'm not sure if anything explains Amy's quirky personality better than these pictures.
You
might
have
missed
out
on
that
extra
appendage
so
here
you
go!
And Amy with a killer smile and massive, outta-control pubic hair. It's stuff like this that makes me want to fuck Ms. Sedaris- she unabashedly takes something ugly and deemed non-sexy and turns it into pure raunch, made all the more awesome because you know that she could be made up conventially sexy enough to rival Playboy covers . . . but she won't.
And this handsome man caught with his hand in the cookie jar ...
. . . is Stephen Colbert. Oh, yes. (Special quiz: What's wrong with this picture? Answer: It's these three blond Patriotic chicks with him instead of me with a flag poking out of my bra). He's smart, hilarious, sharp-witted, politically aware, has a fantastic smile, and he is just so very sexy. I want to seduce his nerdy Colbert Report alter-ego (or, alternatively, be bent over and spanked as the recipient of all that righteous anger). Oh yes, I'm proud to be part of the Colbert Nation!
If you think he's just a funny guy and more goofball than sex symbol, take a look at these photos! Rrrawr! This first picture makes me want to fill that wide open void between his legs, very much.
So that's the first edition of "Bisexual Star Fucker". Hope you enjoyed! I'm still trying to get the hang of blog formatting, so bear with me. Happy celebrity daydreaming!
(Comments and feedback are quite welcome).
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Status Feed
Like Twitter for a girl who hates phones! ;)Gwen is getting angry . . . when is her fucking niece-who's-sharing-her-room going to go sleep so that Gwen can masturbate? (Mon, Jan. 26, 2009 12:23 A.M.)
Gwen vows to start her 2009 workout today. Really, she swears. (Mon, Jan.12, 2009 11:52 A.M.)
Gwen is learning about steampunk, prompted by Syd's AVN oufit. (Mon, Jan.12, 2009 9:36 P.M.)
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